The Amazing Misadventures of Five-Fingers Murderbridge, Discount Extraordinaire.
First entry.
I love it when I'm once again in charge of the situation and the first thing someone tells me is that a pet turtle keeled over and died. Infection, apparently. It's good to see that dwarves still don't actually care about the health of their pets, as long as they're nice and cuddly. Neither of which are qualities a cave tortoise possesses.
At least I was able to find ONE god damn empty coffin for the damn thing before it'd end up rotting and spoiling the air. Speaking of which, there sure are a lot of god damn seeds all over this place.
We have a clothier right? MAKE SOME GOD DAMN BAGS! FOR OMER'S SAKE.
Oh. We don't.
FINE. YOU PUMP OPERATOR OVER THERE, YEAH YOU. YOU'RE A CLOTHIER NOW. MAKE SOME BAGS. AND SEW SOME NICE IMAGERY ON 'EM AND I DON'T WANT ANY GOD DAMN PICTURES OF DWARVES DYING OR BEING ATTACKED OR ANY OF THAT SHIT.
I'm moving all these haphazard seeds by that one farm room.
While that's being done I decided to stroll in the dining hall for a few moments.
Why is there a pile of bones there? And no one's done anything to it.
What the hell guys? What the hell?
A new entry.
I also noticed that 15 guys are without rooms right now. Well I told the "miners" to go clear that out right away. A few minutes later they tell me they've breached into a cavern.
Good show guys. Real classy. Now seal that thing up before some god damn flying monster flies up and kills us all.
Meanwhile, I've noticed that our smelters aren't really producing anything usable for armor or weapons. Well, dragonite works for weapons but we got all this lovely phazon here! Except we don't. It's all been smelted by now. Need to mine more, they say. And we just ran out of coke too. Omer damn it.
Oh look, traders! Vampires, frost giants and angels and what do you mean our cage trap caught an eagle?
Huh. PUT THAT IN MY ROOM NOW.
...FINE I'LL PUT IT MYSELF!
A new entry.
Spring.
It's a lovely time of the year when I hear from others that birds are chirping up there. Hell if I knew though, since the last time that blasted sun burned my eyes I decided to stay where it's nice and comfy, down here!
Care to guess what's our number #1 export right now?
No? Clothes of dead dwarves.
There were several bins of them. Sort of depressing, but I got some crap off the merchants for 'em.
It's about time to check around and put a list on the crafters we have so we could have some quality crap to sell next trade season.
Also, I'm getting a premonition. A horrible beast has arrived! A thing of pure absurd nature! It's a giant quadruped made of fire and if that wasn't bad enough it also has a poisonous stinger!
I think it injects napalm or something. Meanwhile, our surgeon has been hiding in a craftshop. Muttering about some project he's working on and he needs some stuff. Last I heard he got some jeweler to cut gem, ANY gem, so he could get to work. Well he has finally started on it.
Oh and we had some migrants show up. Great. I don't think we even had the time to house the people we didn't have rooms for.
A new entry.
The doctor finished his lifework. It's an amulet. Good show, old chap. Now get back to being a doc in case we actually need you.
The migrants had some good people on it. Too bad they were mixed in with the useless guys. Some siege engineers, peasants, the usual. Notable guys are a high master furnace operator, talented armorer and a few guys with skills with metalcrafting.
Oh and that dyer who's apparently been a smith on his off time. He got skills in everything. That's the kind of people we NEED. Not to mention more miners. Just one guy out of the entire bunch had some mining skill. And we are going to need a lot more rooms right now.
And wouldn't you know it, some greater devourers were waltzing in right after the migrants. They bid hello to a cage trap before that though and then the whole thing went to hell when our friendly serpent men and ettins spotted them. Great. More corpses on our lawn.
Oh and guess what? Merchants are here again. Didn't we just have merchants? Oh and more ambushes. Deathsword IV sort of died. And with "sort of" I mean he wanted one of the silkcaps one migrant took off upon arriving and ran straight into a squad of serpent men.
It wasn't pretty. The ettins sort of took revenge for him though. Isn't that nice? I'll make sure someone buries the poor bastard when we got the thumbs up from our sentries that there's no longer a dozen murder squads waiting for anyone going outside.
On the bright side, we're getting close to finishing the sniper tower atop our entrance. Now the only thing we need is armor for our guys, but I got word from our sorry-excuse-of-miners that there's a load of flarestone that they have dug out like I told them.
Great! Too bad our smelters ate up all our coal at some point. I could have sworn I told them to stop when the first guy told me he didn't have any coal left to smelt with. Looks like we need to burn some wood to charcoal to start up the damn thing again.
But at least it's summer. And you know what that means?
And along with that, come changes. Yes sir, a new boss is in town and it's that upstart Vabok. You'd thing that a guy who only knows milling wouldn't really be able to do anything, but that fucker milled around the population like a quern on cave wheat and he's now the mayor. The first thing he demanded? Some nice rooms of his own. Well I'll show him, he lives in a 3x3 hole right in the phazon wing. I'll just stuff everything there, ha!
But Omer damn it, we have 69 dwarves now. 69!
We're going to need a new dining hall in here because it's getting awfully crowded in the old one. Seriously, it was made to seat six and it hasn't been upgraded in years. Well call me Mr. Civilization because I'm giving everyone somewhere new to eat than the floor!
A new entry.
That new migrant guy, forgot-his-name, told me he was done burying Deathsword. Well good. The guy only had one friend, who wasn't exactly devastated of his loss but it's still a duty for dwarves to bury their dead soldiers. Even if they died because they wanted a silk cap from the middle of the wilds. And he was a legendary carpenter too.
What's the god damn date again? Ah. 11th of Malachite.
I got word from two people today. Some good news and some bad news. The good news are that the miners are almost ready digging up all the bedrooms I requested. The bad news are that we got more migrants. God damn it people don't you have homes!?
On second thought, the first migrant is a talented fighter. Come on in, make yourself at home and do know that I expect you to kill lots of enemies at some point!
Also, one of our swordmen has officially changed their name. They are now Deathsword Strangerrocks the V, Retainer of Blood. I have no idea what's up with our soldiers, except that they like to take on titles and names before even getting any real killing going on to EARN them! Well as long as they do their job, I think we're going to be alright.
Speaking of military, god damn, most of the new guys have served time in the military. Maybe they heard about all that 'never-ending waves of ettins, devourers and gods-know-who' and thought that hey, this'd be a great place to go down fighting at!
But before I know it, the first new guy here, the weaver, stops introducing himself to everyone and takes over the clothier's for some reason. A bunch of crap is thrown on a pile and he starts to knit and weave furiously, although it's sort of hard to say what the hell is he up to. Keeps leaning over the thing, pushing and hissing people to back off. Fine, it's a surprise, I get it.
And what the hell do you mean "I can't dig because of a Giant Chukkuri?"
Oh. That's what. One of the flarestone veins that I ordered excavated broke through a shaft leading into lower levels of the caver- where there are god damn forgotten beasties about! SOMEONE PLUG THAT HOLE, YOU GUYS ARE NOW MASONS GO DO IT!
Oh crap. Taking no time to abuse the situation, a towering hairy dimetrodon takes a shot and starts a beeline to our fort. SPATTERED PALACES, ATTAAAAAAAACK!
The new Deathsword takes a beating, but they'll make it. A few pets and a fisherdwarf who was at the wrong place at the wrong time die, but the beast is killed. Now we just need to dispatch the 'Giant Chukkuri' that's terrorizing our workers from plugging the hole.
Soon after that affair is over, the weaver finally finishes their thing.
Istbar Ubal, the Rose of Spirits. A alpaca wool tunic. How nice. Now get back to training.
A new entry.While furnishing some of the rooms we have ready, I also had some statues installed that I ordered a while ago and god damn I sort of hate our masons. Why couldn't you make a statue how that one guy chopped a forgotten monster in half, huh?!
A new entry.Dear diary, at the end of Summer, the Cyclops showed up to siege the hell out of us.
I considered our options and decided that we should kill every single one of them. Since they were led by a rather mean looking elite crossbowman, I didn't give our shooter the order to go up the sniper tower to rain some death. That'd be stupid, after all.
It was too bad that the cyclops decided to screw around the edge of the map, since they decided to send a bunch of war acid spitters to storm the gates first.
And that's when the Cyrodiil siege showed up. So now we got two enemy armies hanging around the outer edges of our place. You'd hope that they'd start to fight each other, right? Well you'd be wrong to hope for that. They're best of buddies, you see!
Well screw you guys, we're closing the gates! Especially since the war beasts stopped dead after the one in charge fell to a weapon trap. And wouldn't you know it, Zulban Sanrebnil, a gully dwarf kid that was kept as a 'pet' by someone ends up going outside for some reason and is currently busy being chased after a swarm of pissed off acid spitters. Which also decided to kick the crap out of this serpentman hammerman that was trapped under the entrance bridge.
On the bright side, guess how much phazon bars we have right now! 135 bars! It's about time I give the okay to our smiths to restart armor production.
Meanwhile, the cyrodiil siege guts the gully dwarf kid, and then see the ettins rising up the hill and charging their ranks. The resulting fight understandably leaves the cyrodiil broken and the survivors flee. Now if only the ettins would charge the cyclops too...
I also found out who's gully dwarf it was. Deathsword's. I mean the 5th one's. They're not really taking it well, just brood and sulk in the barracks.
I do get some good news later on though. The cyclops and ettins DID start to fight each other! While the ettins take some losses, they do end up breaking the siege. We are free of oppression once again!
A new entry.Deathsword isn't getting any better. The guy is still sulking, but his teammates keep reassuring me that he's a tough, he can take it. Well I made myself a bunker just in case things do go bad. Have a few barrels of booze and some prepared food all ready for me. Now I just need to hope that I can make it in case shit hits the fan.
It's the 27th of Autumn now. Why do I bother telling the date?
We got migrants. Again.
Considering how we got the position open however and the mayor has been on my ass lately for our lax fortress law enforcement, Rovod Rootedrough was welcomed to throw away her fishing rod and pick up the slack, since she's now the Captain of the Guard. The Guard of Ropes of Soul. A few 'lucky' good-for-nothing's from the wave also get introduced to the fact that they're now going to be in charge of keeping the fort's population in check. Along to keep an eye on Deathsword the 5th. Hell, I'm starting to suspect that all Deathsword's here have been swordmen and knew their death was soon so they pick that name.
Too bad we ran out of coke again. Good thing there's a BIT left, already used to get some more coke. We really need that armor for our guys.
And about a month later after hitting rock bottom, Deathsword finally threw a tantrum. They ended up stabbing one of our masons, but at least the mason made it. And Deathsword? Oh, they lost a leg. Like, literally. The punishment for them stabbing a mason was one of the guards chopping off his leg. Makes sense, I guess.
A new entry.Surprisingly, Deathsword is pretty good now, mood-wise. I guess that punishment really let them evaluate their life, or something. The good old doc evaluated that for the rest of their life, Deathsword would have to use a crutch and gave them one. Wow, really?
Meanwhile, some unseen force releases some of the creatures captured in cages during the siege. Saves us the trouble, I guess.
A new entry.Dear diary. You know those days when you have a nagging feeling you forgot something, but have no idea what it was? Yeah, I had that today. We were running out of flarestone to process, so I told the miners to get some extra, you know?
Well I sort of forgot that the veins we have found are in metastone.
Sorry about that Sigun. You did a favor to the fort though by mining that one piece of metastone. I'll make sure the other guys won't do the same mistake.
Also, Unib the Milker is acting freaky. They're currently hoarding all manner of things to the Craftshop. Damn it man, I need those crafts! Trade season is almost here! At least adding more hives to the starspider section has seriously upgraded our thread and cloth production. Seriously, 4 out of 5 hives are currently in operation and they're spinning webs all over the place. I'd toss them an alpaca to feast on if half the fort wasn't around to see or hear it.
A new entry.Unib finally finished what he had been crafting. Egarlaz Sat Nikuz, Oldscaled the Strokes of Pride. A brahmin bone chain.
Out of all the swanky pieces of crafts or furniture produced here so far, this takes place as the second most valuable, not far behind Carnalskirts the syenite amulet. This'll make a great addition to that new dining hall I had mined earlier!
The cave ponies have arrived to trade, but just my luck, they're not alone. The cyclops are back, this time with more men on more centaurs! Lucky for us though, the caravan makes it inside, with the centaurs hot on their tails, literally! One of their guards however is busy enjoying the sights of the ocean and doesn't make it indoors before the gate is raised and, well, it wasn't pretty.
Meanwhile, the ettins again discover that there's new jerks for them to beat up! But can they take on another siege for us? The answer is no, they can't. Maybe the cyclops were sieging to take out the ettins this time, because they pretty much grind them to mush.
A new entry.At least the trading went well. All these nice silk crafts did a good impression on the ponies, who handed over pretty much everything that they were carrying.
Wait, the siege is over again. Looking over the situation, there are only three ettins left who are okay with us and really hate our enemies, but these guys are obviously the biggest badasses of the whole horde that used to reside as our neighbours.
A new entry.
Well diary, it's mid-winter now. There hasn't really been anything too horrible going on, although I finally did what I should have done ages ago.
I ordered one of the mysteriously flooded rooms to be dug into, releasing the water through a floodtunnel into the caverns. Why?
Because after careful inspection of all the fables scribbled on the walls here, I have located one of the artifacts first contructed here. It's a table with some erupting volcanos on it. I want it. I MUST have it. In fact, I will move into the now free rooms! They'll be just fine after some reflooring is done. All that mud can't be good for your health, you know what I'm saying?
It's such a pity of course that a lot of priceless engravings from a now long-dead master of stonecraft will be built over, but that's progress for you.
Well the traders are here again an-
What do you mean you lost the table? IT WAS RIGHT THERE!
I checked by the grand treasurer as well, just a few minutes ago the table was removed from the position it's been at since we 're-acquired' this fort and then, it just damn vanishes! No one knows about where it is. It's like the damn thing just disappeared into thin air.
Well fine, I guess I'll eat from a ROCK table the- oh screw it where's our blacksmith, I want to dine in style. On other, less pleasant news, it finally happened. A werewolf siege clashed with the three ettins still left and after a lot of bitter fighting, the last friendly etting of Targetguilds has fallen.
I'll have the End Of The Year party held in their honor. They might have not been the most pleasant-to-look-at as neighbours, but damn it, they fought all our enemies for us! And all they wanted was some loot!
But truly, my time as the boss of this place is finally over. It went pretty well, we're mostly all still alive(terribly sorry, Sigun and Deathsword IV), plenty of booze and food to go around. Yep yep. Things are looking good.
Oh and my visions tell me that a blob of grime and filth has taken residence in the first cavern floor as well. But anyway, it's almost Spring, time to wake up, smell the flowers and know that this crap is finally behind me! Time to focus on trading once again.
...and trying to find that god damn artifact table. It has to be SOMEWHERE...
Well that took a while BUT YEAH. I'm done with a year.
We're getting close to having armor for all the soldiers we have, at least they all have a weapon of some manner. A lot of silk clothing is being made for some extra armor as well as being tossed out as trade goods. We got a crapload of phazon still and coke so on military-side production, we're pretty good.
http://www.mediafire.com/?c0zd24x1cv4uacwWell Deathsword, it's again your turn. Unless someone else wants to sign up for this, as far as I know, Deathsword is currently playing a turn on Failcannon and that shit is MUCH more interesting than this fort! Not to mention time-consuming and he also stated he didn't have much time to even play DF.
But only Deathsword can speak for Deathsword! Will he do it, or will he agree to give someone new a turn before him!? Tune in next new post in this very thread!
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Topic: Targetguild, a 31.25 MixMod Succession fort. (Read 14115 times)