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[Karnewarrior]

The hammers of NKILL DUCK

ohmygodiamlaughingsohardrightnowanditisnteventhatfunny

[Nekudotayim]

One of my marksdorfs had to refill his ammunation, he went up one level from the shooting platform to the ammunition stockpiles, catched some bolts and then... didn't even care to get back to the shooting range. Just shooting down the staircase, through the fortification, hitting the goblin.

"Look at me!!! I am teh awesome marksdorf!!!11!"

[Neyvn]

In one of my earliest fortresses I made a huge bridge, made up of 5 or so bridges combined over a huge pit. I connected each bridge to the same lever by mistake. So when my population got around 70 I got a goblin siege. I had neglected to make any form of military, and over compensated. I drafted every dwarf into the military except for one to pull the lever. I sent them to the bridge for a battle to the death, and pulled the lever. I thought the lever would only flip the bridge that the goblins were approaching. Instead, my entire population got thrown down a 10 level shaft. Insert face palm.

I can see it now...

A large pit covered in bridges,
The Dwarves all piling out of the fortress, standing guard on top of the bridge, the goblin swarm approaching...
The lone dwarf still in the fort looks out over the pit and its coverage, the mass of Dwarves standing ready. He looks behind him and spots the lever. Leaning out of the Fortification he calls down to the Dwarves on the bridge...
"DON'T WORRY GUYS!!! I GOT THIS!!!"
From below there is a rounding roar of all the Dwarves screaming at once...
"NOOOOO!!!!!!"
Lever is pulled, bridge opens and the Dwarves fall to their doom. The goblins skid to a halt, the leader bracing against the others with his arms stretched wide. His toes dangling over the edge. Inside the Fort the lone Dwarf smiles to himself before ducking off to help himself to a barrel of Booze, taking his time before he wonders why no one is joining him...

[Erkki]

For some reason the only dorf names from any fort I have remembered for more than a couple of days were from my first "proper" fort, Wheelcrowds. This is the story of Ralf, or Ralph, Endotekkun.

Member of the military and a Sworddwarf, Endotekkun, wearing all-steel like the rest of the military, he arrived the fort in the 1st wave. He blonged to my 2nd squad.

This squad's captain position was apparently cursed. The first leader leaped into the river. In the second battle, the second ramboed 2 squads of goblins and was killed. Third battle and a 3rd leader drowned. 4th battle and while victorious against a Troll 1 on 1, he died drowned when the ice beneath him melt. These were also the ONLY drownings I the fort. Always the leader of the second squad.

Now this Endotekkun the Sworddwarf. It was his turn to be the captain, and all his 21 pet cats probably went ecstatic over it. Despite the cats I liked this Dwarf, and wanted to keep him alive. I made sure that of the 60 military Dwarves, the squad B would be the last to be sent into the battle, and that I would rush over the moat and close in only after using the cave-in trap and some of the weapon and cage traps.

Then, the 12h year of the fort,  came another siege. Odd 90 Goblins, typical. I gave my military the go signal, without using the cave-in trap. The 60 Dwarves rushing over across the bridge, to the traps and go through the goblins easy - only one recruit was lost. This 5th leader of the Squad B approached the battlezone when there were just a couple of mêlée Goblins left and a squad of crossbow Goblins behind them. The battle was now on the he cave-in trap, out of the outer wall that was also used to rebuild the trap after use, and 2 Goblins were shooting across the trap on the approaching Dwarves that would run on the wall and then back down, under the cave-in trap where battle went on. The rest of the crossbow-goblins were shooting the dwarves beneath the trap.

The Goblin's aim was very poor. The 2 that kept shooting the Dwarves appearing on the top of the wall missed all their targets. One of the copper bolts however happened to be in the right place in the right time. The goblin missed the recruit(he had already leaped down from the wall), but as the leader of the squad B, poor Endotekkun climbed on the wall, and got hit by the bolt. In the throat, the only only place the armour leaves him vulnerable. Goodbye Endotekkun...

Talk about bad luck. 

[blah_1123]

there's an angry duck outside my drawbridge right now... he's biting all dwarves that dare to wander too close.

[Buttery_Mess]

Once, while testing my Playable Goblin Mod, I was told that one of my goblins had instantly frozen to death as soon as I started.<P>Zooming to him, I found a corpse surrounded by a large cloud of "boiling leather".<P>To this day I have no idea why.
I blame spontaneous combustion.<P>Though that does not explain why it said he froze.

Maybe he got hit by a DeLorean whilst it was travelling backwards in time, and kind of got stuck to the outside? Stranger things have happened.

[Iados]

Once i got a modded megabeast (dragon with steel scales) attacking my fortress. He killed 50 of the 80 dwarves i had at the moment. Then he got killed (i don't know if it was because of cumulative damage on toes or a lucky hit of a caravan guard).

About 5 second later a Forgotten Beast feeled the urge to enter in my fort.

Maybe Armok punished me because i'm not dwarfish enough? Next fort i'll start a megaproject, so the Blood God will be pleased!

[Samrobot]

I have invaders turned off because i want to mess around with .19 so i have a nice egg laying room near the surface but i'm getting elk birds invading my fort one after another. So far i have 5 critically injured dwarves because of these attacks.

[Wavey54]

luring a 6 goblin ambush into the entrance of my fort, sealing them in, then watching them get annihilated by 15 angry dwarves with a couple of war tigers (woo modding)

[Thudde]

I had a FB show up.  I managed to kill it in one blow, however it breathed something Fun.  I then learned the downside of putting my barracks at the bottom of a central staircase that connects my entire fort.  Every single dwarf came down with some sort of nerve damage.  I figured the entire fort was about to die, and I hate reloading... so I modified the raws to make nerve damage heal (first time I've modified any files in DF).  That worked really well, except the military dwarfs were all nauseous. 

It never went away.  Two years later they are all combat masters decked out with spoiler metal.  They vomit while sparring, eating, sleeping...the fortress is a mess.  The funny part is the combat logs...which are comprised endlessly with "McUrist vomits.  McUrist stands up."   What a mess....

[Inkster]

In 40d, I had a tower where I threw goblins down to the death. One day I caught a bronze colossus. Realizing that dragging him to the pit area would set him free, I set his cage at the top of the tower on a collapsible platform. When I finally pulled the lever, the cage fell through the floor of the tower, through several floors of my main fortress, and stopped in my dining hall. The colossus survived the ordeal while his cage did not, and proceeded to annihilate the fort.

[PopeRichardCorey]

Just now, I got my first siege of .19.  I sequester all the civilians, drag in my Sheep farm just in time, and prepare an ambush just inside the entrance with my entire military and our single Giant War Leopard.  I'm about to open the hatch to the outside world when...

A goblin snatcher is discovered a few floors into my fortress.  I set the military to kill him; he freaks out and runs all around my residential area, mostly scaring people.  When the military catches up with him, they batter him to death slowly.  in the meantime, he manages to stab one of them in the head, which fortunately only broke his skull, and slice off the foot of another one.  Footboy's never walking again, so I replace him with one of my legendary miners, and set the ambush up once more.  We repel the single squad of goblins without a single injury.  Except for the two disabled dwarves created by the snatcher.

I laughed, anyway.