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Author Topic: Bored waiting for new world to gen, so...  (Read 908 times)

MonkeyHead

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Bored waiting for new world to gen, so...
« on: January 10, 2011, 03:44:32 pm »

Dwarves of the Embarkment of 1051,
 
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, magmasmelting would be it.
The long term benefits of magmasmelting have been proved by !!science!! whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own fey mood… I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not live long enough for them to fade. But trust me, if somehow you survive for 50 years you’ll look back at engravings of yourself eating a cheese and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are covered in about as many pouches of hanging lard as you imagine.

Worry about the future, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to pump magma using a tin screwpump. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your booze addled mind; the kind that blindside you on some idle day in the month of Timber.

Most things you will be ordered to do should scare you. Mine. Don’t be reckless with other people’s pickaxe, and don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Smelt. Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind… the race is long, and in the end, it’s only away from a Giant Cave Spider.

Remember the masterwork prepared meals you receive, forget the plump helmets; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old spider silk socks, throw away your old pig tail mittens. Haul. Feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life… the least interesting Dwarves I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the least interesting 40 yearolds are now potash makers.

Get plenty of Dwarvern Ale. Be kind to your upper body, you’ll miss it when its gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, hopefully you won’t, you’ll probably go bezerk and kill your lover at 140, maybe you’ll have a party at a microcline statue on your 75th wedding anniversary… what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are made by Armok, and so are everybody else’s.

Make the most of your body, use it every way you can… don’t be afraid of it, or what the doctors try and do to it, it’s the 2nd greatest instrument you’ll ever own after an adamantine axe. Brew, even if you have nowhere to do it but in a pitchblende still. Channel the ground, even from under your passing aquaintances feet. Do NOT look at engravings of an engraving of cheese, they will only make you feel hungry.

Dont get to know your parents, soon they will be gone for good. Dont be nice to Nobles; they are most likley to demand ridiculos things like a slade bed. Understand that mandates come and go, but only the precious few you should follow. Work hard to block off all access points to caverns, because the deeper you get, the more you need to avoid the blood of forgotten beasts.

Live in Boatmurdered once, but leave before you catch fire; live in Undergrotto once, but leave before it destroys your FPS. Migrate. Accept certain inalienable truths: Cats will reproduce, nobles will make demands, and you too will probably not get old, but if you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young there were no cats, there were no nobles and children were useful. Neglect your children. Don’t expect your parents to support you. Maybe you have a Giant War Tiger, maybe you have a quiver full of masterwork steel bolts; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your beard, or by the time you're 140, it will look 285. Be careful where you buld a wall, and dont be patient with those who wall themselves in. Orders are a form of suggestions: following them them is a way of admitting that someone else knows best, when removing that soap support holding up a 45 z-level tower is such a better idea. But trust me on the magmasmelting…

Sutremaine

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Re: Bored waiting for new world to gen, so...
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2011, 03:56:22 pm »

I've been reading the Comics Curmudgeon lately, and this seems like the sort of thing you'd find in a dwarven For Better Or For Worse.

...

*kills self now*
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I am trying to make chickens lay bees as eggs. So far it only produces a single "Tame Small Creature" when a hen lays bees.
Honestly at the time, I didn't see what could go wrong with crowding 80 military Dwarves into a small room with a necromancer for the purpose of making bacon.