Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[DumbfoundedElf]

I've been recently getting stress from a multiple amount of problems, in which I need some help on ideals to solving them, because I can't think of any for some of them.

Our neighbor's (Friends of ours) Have had they're toddler (4 years old) coming to our house by himself for the whole day.  This wouldn't be much of a problem if two things were different.  One was if he didn't demolish, scatter, change, or mess around with so much of my stuff.  For example, I've been making a game related to the current lego games out right now(using paper to keep track of things) which I was testing out.  Come out of my room and he's playing with it with my sister.  Not much of a problem, but when I go in there to pick it up after he left, there was just pieces everywhere about the board. I couldn't find some of the pieces, and I couldn't rebuild one part of the board back together.  Annoying, but not much of a problem.

The thing that makes this such a big problem for me is the fact that he's here EVERYDAY.  So that means something of mine(he almost NEVER uses anybody elses) either messed up or ruined by the end of the day.  I've already sent a note to the parents awhile back if they could please keep him out of the house and away from my family's house so I could rest in peace for awhile.  Worked for a few weeks(Maybe even a month), but he was back soon enough, and even his mother came over at night when this happened.  She didn't come to pick him up, she just left after talking about something(presuming it was me because I could hear my name(or the toddler, we have almost the same names)).  She even said that we would drop him off while my grandmother took out our dogs.  It honestly feels like the parents are just dropping him off here just to keep him off their own backs, which I don't blame them for. It just get's annoying if it's everyday.

Another problem is two "friends" of mine that live near my house.  I've recently got in two fights with one(One which happened form him groping me), and the other got us back together.  The honest reason why I joined back up with them is so I didn't have to feel guilty about being a jerk for saying no.  I wish I said so.  I don't trust the one that groped me, and the other one is constantly grounded for being at his friend's house while grounded.  Now the reason why I don't enjoy the grounded one is because of two things:he's grounded, and I can get pulled into it, and the fact that he's just probably using me as a quicker way to get to hentai porn rather than my other "friend's" house(I live in the middle of them technically).  Plus, the one who I fought with twice used to constantly bug me if I wanted to go with my best friend.  That's how the second fight happened.

So how do you think I should handle these things? I'm honestly trusting you for some answers, it's adding up with other things that I don't really need to talk about(Already have a plan for them).

TLDR: Annoying toddler ruining my sanity and belongings, two friends in what I don't want to see at all for the past(fighting) and the present(Using me for Porn and games).What should I do?

[Vector]

Toddler: tell them to curb their kid.  They can't use you for free daycare services.

Friend who groped you: drop him.  I've had that happen before and the stress can really just get worse and worse.

Grounded friend: I'd back away from him.  Don't hang out with him when he's grounded, because that turns you into an enabler, and spend some time with him without any hentai involvement, to see what happens.  If he doesn't want to hang out with you when there's no hentai to be had, I'd drop him, too.


Hope that helps.

[Rooster]

Dude
Just sue the parents
You can't handle a 4yo kid?

[Sinned]

Toddler: tell them to curb their kid.  They can't use you for free daycare services.

Friend who groped you: drop him.  I've had that happen before and the stress can really just get worse and worse.

Grounded friend: I'd back away from him.  Don't hang out with him when he's grounded, because that turns you into an enabler, and spend some time with him without any hentai involvement, to see what happens.  If he doesn't want to hang out with you when there's no hentai to be had, I'd drop him, too.


Hope that helps.

^^This... That's a bit lazy of me but this is very much what you should do. I would also confront the toddlers parent about "it's" behavior and "damage" it does. "You break it, you buy it."

Now while thinking about the next bit I raised an eyebrow and shook my head a bit that I'm starting to sound as my old parent's/teachers and whatever.. but still...

Stand up for yourself and if the current situation is making you uneasy and/or stressful, get used to confronting people about it. Be sure to do so in calm and civilized manner, but do it. Compromises are good -but there are lines that should not be crossed. Friend groping you is such a line. (for me it would be atleast)

If you didn't resolve the issue with the mentioned person, but a friend more-or-less did so while you are not comfortable with the situation -- it's still an (big) issue. Break up the friendship, talk or otherwise resolve the issue. But do it and remember, you are going to lose friends in life one way or another ... guess what, those aren't friends. Friends don't grope you to start with. (YMMV, but it wouldn't be an issue if it was normal for your preferred social gathering...)

It's important to do so and get used to confronting people about these issues (yourself), very directly if needed, if the situation warrants it --- but always try to be civil and calm about it while doing so. You'll not always make friends, but you'll feel more at ease at the end of the day... sleep easier and not feel discouraged to go out and enjoy yourselves with your friends. Because they are friends and are just that... not people that want stuff from you or feel uncomfortable.

They got other words for that, "Work" and "Job" come to mind, but you do get paid for that. (kidding!    well, kinda)

Hope it works out... goodluck.

[Phmcw]

I'd tell the parent that their kid is very "energic", "active" and "curious", and that you cannot handle him all the time even if you'd be delighted that he keep visiting you from times to time.
If someone can think of a better phrasing go for it.

For the friends, the groper seems to be pretty malignant, so dump him.
A friend with a crush, or a sexual attraction, provided he got half a brain, is supposed to find a better way to express his feeling than a plain grope.
You can keep the other, but expect drama, and to see the bad influence of his "friend" growing.

(all this is inaccurate and only from what you wrote but you asked advice anyway, so here you are.)

[malimbar04]

First of all, you definitely have the moral high ground here.

Second, these sound like the common problem of not being assertive enough.

Being assertive is somewhere between being aggressive and submissive. You want to have a high chance of getting what you want while giving them a chance to voice their opinion and have a good quality conversation. You don't want to beat them up, yell at them, or give them no chance to do anything about it. You also don't want to let them walk all over you and continue to annoy you whenever they like, but rather you just want to have your needs addressed.

To be assertive: state your position, state the consequences so they are well known, and then follow through with the consequences. Building up the courage to say it plainly "It still bothers me that you groped me" is a good step. Following through with a consequence is the harder part. If you say "If you ever attempt that again, I will not be your friend", and then you have to follow through with it. You can still feel guilty, but you can't let up.

If you have nothing relevant to use as a consequence, then you just have to be firm. Tell the one guy you don't want him coming over while he's grounded (because you like the rules, you respect his parents, you don't want to get caught in the middle of it, whatever). If he comes over pleading that he's locked out or something, say your very sorry but you don't want him there until he's not grounded. Then keep him out of your house while you proudly and happily go drink some milk and eat a cookie. He'll eventually leave, you might feel a bit of guilt, and then you are completely successful. Repeat as necessary.

By the way, a 4 year old coming to a neighbors house by himself for a whole day... that is cause to lock the doors. Also, its a cause to put things on shelves and in cabinets while he's over. Toddlers are dangerous, and especially to themselves when they're not supervised. They very well might play with bleach, or stuff a crayon up their nose. Then, while they're at your house, you are liable for the child hurting themselves. Unless someone agreed to watching them, that would be a cause to call child services.