Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

Author Topic: The Legend of Rakel the Protector  (Read 1058 times)

KillerDice

  • Escaped Lunatic
    • View Profile
The Legend of Rakel the Protector
« on: March 13, 2011, 03:26:18 pm »

Hello, everyone. After reading "One Dwarf Against the World" and "A Kobold's Quest" I decided to have a crack at the whole storytelling thing. It seems like fun, so I'm gonna go for it. Please tell me what you think, and if you find anything that needs improvement, please let me know, as I'm quite new to this. With that said, please enjoy the story!  ;)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our story begins with a man, a Human, in fact, by the name Rakel Joddo, a.k.a Rakel the Protector. Rakel is very fit and very muscular. He has long, golden hair and sepia skin. His eyes are of a teal color and his ears have long, hanging lobes. His short, upturned nose is also narrow. Now that I've bored you with the details, here's some more details :P. He is called the protector because... well... he has protected his small community for many years. Rakel, despite the fact he's the protector of his his community, known as Mortaldinner, hasn't really dealt with anything major. The worst he's had to deal with was some wolves killing the livestock. He is still, however, the perfect person to protect the village thanks to his extensive training as a swordsman. He hasn't really experienced any exciting
adventures, but little did he know that would soon change...


Rakel was on his usual patrol when he heard some commotion at the house of Disem Kusutuse. He entered the home only to see that she was deeply distressed and frightened. Puzzled by this, he asked the butcher, Dilol what had happened. Dilol was a very ambitious woman, for she hoped to help protect the village. She constantly trained while she wasn't at work, and it showed, too. She was strong, but not nearly as strong as Rakel. He asked her "What's wrong with Disem? I've never seen her so distressed!" He looked into Dilol's eyes, which also had a frightened expression, something quite rare for Dilol. She replied to him "A beast tried to enter her home during the night. The creature is infamous for striking fear into the hearts of people." He asked her "Does it have a name?" She replied in a shaky voice "Its name is... Yomali". After hearing that name even Rakel was slightly startled, with which he replied "I can't let that beast harm our people. Please, you must tell me where it lives." She said to him in a concerned voice "I musn't tell you. If you go to it's lair, you will surely die." He gave her a warm and confident look "I won't let that beast live, even if I have to die with it. I cannot let it terrorize these lands any longer. Please, tell me where it is." Dilol hesitated for a moment, but she finally replied "The monster is hiding in Cryptsable lair. It is to the northeast of here," she gave him a smirk "I trust a man like yourself won't die to such a thing." With that, he said his goodbyes as he ventured off to Cryptsable lair.

As the sun was setting, he realized he wouldn't make it to the lair, so he stopped at the northern hamlet of puzzlereigns. Despite how close Puzzlereigns was to Mortaldinner, he had never visited Puzzlereigns during his life. He had always lived in Mortaldinner, always protecting it. It was late in the evening, and Rakel needed a place to sleep. Thankfully, he met a woodcutter named Milo, who allowed him to stay in his home. As Rakel slept, he knew he had to prepare for the day ahead.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
And That's that. Again, tell me what you think
Logged

Karl Marx

  • Bay Watcher
  • Democracy is the road to socialism.
    • View Profile
    • My Autobiography
Re: The Legend of Rakel the Protector
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2011, 09:39:34 am »

Needs more genocide.

But good writing.
Logged
A commodity appears at first sight an extremely obvious, trivial thing. But its analysis brings out that it is a very strange thing, abounding in metaphysical subtleties and theological niceties.

Put your faith in Communism!
----------------------------------------------------------

darkflagrance

  • Bay Watcher
  • Carry on, carry on
    • View Profile
Re: The Legend of Rakel the Protector
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2011, 06:56:46 pm »


And That's that. Again, tell me what you think

A good start. There have been good stories, brutal stories, heartwarming and horrific stories written about Adventure mode, and yours seems to have the potential to go there. Unfortunately, Adventure mode tends to be merciless and cruel in how it allows stories to develop.
Logged
...as if nothing really matters...
   
The Legend of Tholtig Cryptbrain: 8000 dead elves and a cyclops

Tired of going decades without goblin sieges? Try The Fortress Defense Mod