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Author Topic: Another short story: The Apple (updated)  (Read 2195 times)

Supermikhail

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Re: Another short story: The Apple (updated)
« Reply #15 on: November 08, 2010, 03:42:49 am »

Well, I guess this story wants a fresh reader, but as far as I'm concerned, and if you're set on interpersonal conflict, the wife's coming out pretty good. Although there are rough spots still. For example, I suddenly find it very important to know the characters' ages. That might be because the characters don't act consistently enough to indicate it by their actions and dialogue. To me they appear to be in their thirties, but in places suddenly slide into fifties.
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eerr

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Re: Another short story: The Apple (updated)
« Reply #16 on: November 09, 2010, 03:45:18 pm »

This story is lacking charge, pizazz.
Are you sure you weren't supposed to write pulp fiction instead?

Give me your summary of what happens. I want to hear that exactly as you write it.
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