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[A-chana]

In pulling a Headshoots on my first fortress in 40d, Bootlashes, one of the champions beat my legendary, titled miner into a pulp. She was a founder, the lover of one of the champions that was also involved in the downfall of the fort, and had just watched her two war dogs get brutally killed. She fought back after being drafted, and actually got in some very good hits on her opponent, before her legs and arms were shattered. The champion then left her for dead and started slaughtering some civilians (said miner was chilling with them at the time, and they had fled as she fought but only managed to get cornered), leaving only a few children left.

One little girl dwarf, now orphaned and friendless, snapped spectacularly, and began to kick, punch, and bite the miner's unconscious body. She never knew the humiliation of being slowly and inexpertly beaten to death by a child.

Cut to the current version, in a fort appropriately named Hollowtomb. I breached the caverns and then left them unguarded, which backfired when a giant olm suddenly showed up and began breaking everyone's legs. It eventually fled the map, but not before reducing eighteen dwarves to seven, with five of them bedridden at the time. One of them was a migrant who had lost all use of one of her arms, lost her husband, and miscarried. Next to her was a founder who was just plain angry, eventually going berserk. I thought that it was the end for all the dwarves in the hospital with him, but the widow fought back, crushing his skull with ease, and decided just lying around wasn't her kind of thing. She and, eventually, another founder who had lost her hand started working, but she was throwing constant tantrums. Finally, when trying to hold a meeting with the chief medical dwarf/mayor/founder, her tantruming led her to crush her skull. She did little of note afterward, but I imagine she was just completely traumatized by it all and prone to broken cackling every time she passed the coffins in the hallway.

A few years later, that other injured founder, a one-handed legendary miner, took part in a losing battle; elves and goblins brought their war animals and ambushed at the same time, destroying everything. That founder miner was already revered in my eyes for being a badass, as she had fought the giant olm even when gushing blood out of the stump that was her wrist and survived infections with little soap, but she was easily killing jaguars and lions. However, watching two goblins gang up on her and cut her in half was depressing, as I knew her potential had been wasted. The fortress was soon conquered.

[FleshForge]

When a single lazy hunter caused the deaths of about 20 dwarves:  I'm notified that an ambush is hitting me, and I try to save a hunter that's outdoors by turning off his hunting labor - so Urist McAssholehunter says, "Yay it's break time!" and drops his quiver and weapon out in the middle of nowhere.  Avaricious little folk that they are, a couple of idle lads immediately rush out to grab his gear.  The ambush slaughters them.

Now, I thought I'd learned my lesson before, and had o-F-(cio) all set, so my own dead are forbidden and gear from my own dead is also forbidden, but that highly valuable mule bone crossbow and cat leather quiver still need to be picked up, so a couple more lads are dispatched to go grab them.  This time the gobbies chase them around the slope of the mountain and while they do kill one, they only cripple the other.  I think they had seen Full Metal Jacket, because this turns out to be very, very bad.

Now waves of dwarves go out not only to recover the crossbow and quiver, but also to recover wounded.  I think at this point a couple more are crippled, because now a whole lot of dwarves are rushing out screaming DWARF DOWN DWARF DOWN, there's blood and body parts everywhere, dogs and kittens are getting exploded by withering goblin crossbow fire, and it all ends in tears.

Meanwhile, back at the drink stockpile, Urist McAssholehunter is doing keg stands and really enjoying his break, completely oblivious to the horrific butchery going on outside.

[ElChad]

A while back (40d>) I got a Tamed Tiger from the elves. I let it loose in my fort and it killed off Kobold Theives as they came. He was well known, and then he died of old age. Thankfully the Elves brought me a new tiger. A few seasons later, it too died of old age. This is why I can't have nice things.

[mnjiman]

When a single lazy hunter caused the deaths of about 20 dwarves:  I'm notified that an ambush is hitting me, and I try to save a hunter that's outdoors by turning off his hunting labor - so Urist McAssholehunter says, "Yay it's break time!" and drops his quiver and weapon out in the middle of nowhere.  Avaricious little folk that they are, a couple of idle lads immediately rush out to grab his gear.  The ambush slaughters them.

Now, I thought I'd learned my lesson before, and had o-F-(cio) all set, so my own dead are forbidden and gear from my own dead is also forbidden, but that highly valuable mule bone crossbow and cat leather quiver still need to be picked up, so a couple more lads are dispatched to go grab them.  This time the gobbies chase them around the slope of the mountain and while they do kill one, they only cripple the other.  I think they had seen Full Metal Jacket, because this turns out to be very, very bad.

Now waves of dwarves go out not only to recover the crossbow and quiver, but also to recover wounded.  I think at this point a couple more are crippled, because now a whole lot of dwarves are rushing out screaming DWARF DOWN DWARF DOWN, there's blood and body parts everywhere, dogs and kittens are getting exploded by withering goblin crossbow fire, and it all ends in tears.

Meanwhile, back at the drink stockpile, Urist McAssholehunter is doing keg stands and really enjoying his break, completely oblivious to the horrific butchery going on outside.

Borrow is useful in cases like this, you can also order them to refuse to pick up the dead and their belongings.

[FleshForge]

Well sure, but "There was an ambush, so I made a burrow and everyone hung around the kegs until I got the gate shut" isn't all that funny a story.

[Samuel]

I created a simple trap in which a dwarf is ordered to tear down a wall which can only be performed while standing on a floor hatch, then another dwarf is ordered to throw the lever, dropping the dwarf down about 10 z-levels. I had intended the victim to die instantly, only having a few seconds to poop himself before splattering on the ground. However, as soon as the trap is sprung, I get this message:

Urist McOnlyMostlyDead is resting from injury.

The dude had fallen almost 10 floors and hit the ground so hard the walls around him were coated in blood, and he had survived. his legs were shattered, most of the rest of his body was horribly injured, and he couldn't go 5 seconds without vomiting from pain. Luckily for him, the bottom of the pit led directly into my main fortress, so the guy who dug it could get out, so he started the long trip to the hospital, only making it a few feet in between lapses into unconsciousness.

Here's where it gets bad. A dwarf nearby quickly sets out for where he is. I think "Oh, thank goodness, he's gonna drag the guy's sorry ass to the hospital." The dwarf, Urist McAsshole, walks right past his injured fellow dwarf, and starts cleaning up the vomit. I can't really imagine that he wasn't griping the whole time about the mess, with Urist McOnlyMostlyDead 10 feet away, in full earshot, begging for help.

I can't decide whether to put Urist McAsshole in the trap now, or wait until I can have the trap lead directly into the HFS.

[Nyxalinth]

Long story short:

My titled champion, with over 100 kills to her name, goes down defending the fort from goblins. She was the most popular and beloved dwarf in the fort. You can figure out the rest.

[Vercingetorix]

When one of my starting seven at the current fort Basinhalls died.  He was a legendary miner with nary a negative trait to his name and lots of friends and two loyal dogs as pets...but he fell prey to a forgotten beast let in due to his careless mining near our magma forges.  Even against the odds he still wounded it enough for a soldier in the area to take it down.

After that, I told the king to fuck off and dig his own tomb...Rakost Stakeblunted belongs in that one I built.