A bit of further playing shows that my game is indeed fucked:
-I got a mission to colonize a wasteland.
-Land tech, which was 7 years ahead of it's time only cost 3500(available research cash each month: 500)
-Stability cost on the other increased to a quarter million(from 100k) with barely any new conquests and a few events that should have actually reduced it.
-I get about .8 points of war exhaustion each month from "attrition" whenever I'm at war, even if it's a suicidal one province large mini-state and I have a total of 6k troops involved there with a 5 maneuver general which means no actual attrition. Yes I checked if there's a giant army rotting away in a corner of the world but that isn't the case. All my Scandinavian rebel killers are located in the more temperate regions and only enter the arctic circle during summer and all my colonial troops are in supply zones as well.
-Enemies can instakill my armies at 60% morale instead 0%. And it wasn't a 10v1 overrun, I had 24k against their 11k.
-Rebels occasionally spawn with assault rifles and tanks. 3k rebels against 12k reformed galloglaigh somehow inflict 1500 casualties a day in the fire phase with no advantage in rolls(8 against 8 with -2 terrain and +2 general skill for them).
Since paradox's stance is "trade in value or patch notes(which may or may not fix anything), not both", I've decided to sell the Gamersgate account I got as birthday gift with only this game on it(which was a problem in itself since I use steam otherwise) to a friend and bought Rise of Nations, the expansion pack and the spin-off from that money. So far I'm enjoying that a lot more then this game.