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[filiusenox]

I was wondering, if I posted something i was writing on this board, and later tried to get said writing published at an undisclosed time, would me posting the hook and intro here Prevent me from getting the book published?
Cause I need a bit of critque about my style of writing to further improve it and giving it to my freinds turns up "Oh this is good. Yup".

[Kay12]

I don't think so, why would it prevent you from getting it published?

Good idea to ask here though. I have a few friends who write and I would seriously prefer them to ask for opinions online than asking me... it's a nasty conflict of interest they push me...

[Max White]

I think that would depend on the publisher... I know that if I wrote a piece of software and distributed it for free, I could still sell it, but I don't know if any company would be interested in buying selling rights.
I'm guessing publishers would demand they are the only ones with distribution rights, yourself included, so in that case the answer is no, you couldn't.

[Kay12]

Publishing just a small bit might be different though.

[filiusenox]

((And then here it is! Tell me if you would want to read this if you ssaw it on the back of the book and if it sucks or such and such. Don't be merciful.))

The ethereal winds tossed me to and fro, buffeting my weak and world-weary soul as a hurricane would toss a speck of sand. Uncaring about me or the multitude of other souls borne upon the tempest’s abyssal back. The pain of our collected deaths caused us to howl along with the deafening drone of the spectral winds that swirled us toward the calm in the center of  the storm , the blessed calm of forgetfulness. Oh how longed, no, wished for that blessing in my pain.
My agony was unceasing  as my soul unraveled In that abyss. My Agony turned to anger as I remembered the treachery that swept my soul into the pit. I screamed above the winds howl, my vow to find and destroy those that damned me here, those that damned me into this wretched abyss, those that betrayed me to my death.
 My wife and brothers-in-arms.
My faithful queen and my  loyal knights
Those treacherous spiders, spinning their webs of deceit, drawing me to my death. Every fiber of my soul wanted vengeance for this  pain.
And then my not so silent cries were answered

[Vector]

It's purple.

[Grimshot]

It's purple.

 This is embarrassing but I can't decipher the meaning behind your post. If it isn't to much trouble could you explain it to me briefly.

 It sounds Interesting to me, I can't really find anything to complain about . Hmm, if I had to complain though I would say that it may read better with the "My wife and brothers-in-arms.
My faithful queen and my  loyal knights" part cut out. The problem with that would be a loss in the understanding of the setting though. Unless the depictions on the cover of the book take care of that. Either way though I would probably take the time to look through the first few pages. I don't really think I'm qualified to give advice on this subject though. Hopefully I've helped anyways lol.

[Robocorn]

It's purple.

 This is embarrassing but I can't decipher the meaning behind your post. If it isn't to much trouble could you explain it to me briefly.

I'm guessing it has to do with purple prose.

[Grimshot]

It's purple.

 This is embarrassing but I can't decipher the meaning behind your post. If it isn't to much trouble could you explain it to me briefly.

I'm guessing it has to do with purple prose.

 Ah, thanks. That was the first time I've ever came across that term (or maybe I just forgot about it, that happens sometimes :\.). Welp, the more you know.

[Vector]

I'm guessing it has to do with purple prose.

Bing bing bing!

[Virex]

It's purple.

Ultraviolet would be a better word.

[filiusenox]

((That really wasn't so constructive... Is it too purple, fine purple or over the top purple.))

[Virex]

It could use some serious trimming. The mark of a good writer is not that she shows off all the adverbs she knows, but that she can sketch a world with a few words. Try to force yourself to rewrite what you just posted in 4 lines tops and you'll see what a difference it makes. It's not special any more but it's much easier to read and, if done right, much more captivating since you don't need to slug trough 4 sentences to gather what could be condensed into 1 sentence.

[Eagleon]

More importantly, exposition is meaningless without physical context. You've dropped the reader straight into an unpleasant situation he won't feel the need to care about. Misery absolutely needs to be set in contrast with something more palatable for a reader to understand it. It's just how most people think - positive things will engage you in the character's struggle. You don't need to throw in an adjacent tempest of puppies and sunflowers, but consider, for the back of your book, a glimmer of non-pointless struggle and a possible victory for your character. (Edit: Hah, I just noticed the last line, sorry. It's a little out of place against the verbosity of the rest )

Also, you can have characters that think in purple, but they need to be established by a more culture-neutral tone, or else it's as out of place as noir is now. If they're the main narrator for your story, then yeah, hehe.

You also use a lot of non-constructuve repetition. If you're going to do prose, do it all the way For instance, your use of the word 'soul' in the first two sentences and once more in the same paragraph kind of caught in an unpleasant way.

[filiusenox]

Hmmm...good points, all of them. I'll rework it tomorrow and re-post to see if its any better.
Hmm... i also think i need my main char to be a lot more plain and spartan., since it seems like he does think in purple. That thing about saying soul twice, was a accident, i don't like repetition en-masse.
I generally don't like adding too much hope and joy, except in death. I like tragedies personally, but i suppose i can rework the plot to add a few bits of hope and love...Perhaps a high-class courtesan that he wants to re-meet or something of that sort...*shrug*.

Thanks for the criticism.