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[Eagle0600]

I was digging out a large experimental double-aquifer penetration project when one of my miners channelled UNDERNEATH HIMSELF! Both of my miners were standing on that square for some unfathomable reason, and my spare pick was stolen, so I literally have no picks at this point, and no way of getting one... Sorry, I just absolutely had vent.

Any other tales of abject stupidity anyone would like to share?

[Moogie]

I was under attack recently by five seperate groups of goblins, two of which were lead by legendary local leaders weilding masterwork crossbows and iron armour.

After dispatching a relatively harmless group near the fort's entrance with an axedwarf squad, I ordered everyone inside a narrow corridor which I had constructed aboveground to house the trade depot and a few rows of deadly weapon traps; a chokepoint for exactly this occasion. The other attackers were further away, so I figured I'd let them slaughter themselves on the traps instead of risking fatalities (as we were hugely outnumbered).

So five axedwarves sensibly ran inside and waited behind the doors and traps. However, one guy was obviously confused by this. He decided that being close to the station was good enough, and instead of running inside the corridor, he ran up alongside it, on the outside, completely exposed and alone, straight into about twenty heavily armoured goblins and their legendary human leader who had been approaching from the other direction.

I can just imagine him standing there, obliviously waving to his fellow squadmates through the fortification. Then a volley of iron arrows turn his torso into a pincusion and nails him to the wall. I get the feeling he was never a popular sparring partner, anyway.

[Safe-Keeper]

Ugh. I feel your pain. I've built an underground corridor that leads from my stockpiles to my newly built outpost/bunker system/fort in the SE corner. This corridor meets a channel that I can fill and drain with water at the pull of levers, and with another level I can open the corridor to the channel, flooding it pretty quickly. Excellent goblin-be-gone ploy when all else seems lost, and way more cool than just raising a bridge.

Some time ago, my fortress was besieged by goblins, and the SE fort fell to the enemy. With all my military manpower already committed, I decided to employ the "Flood the hallway" tactic to keep the goblins from flooding into my fortress. Only problem was that one of the doors wouldn't close, what with the limestone boulder jamming it open. No prob, I think, I'll designate it for dumping. Everything outside's been forbidden, should be easy enough for them to do.

Nope. No one was interested. No matter what I did, they simply refused to move the rock. One of the haulers actually ended up standing dead still, two tiles away from the thing, with "No Job" listed as his assignment. I was fuming. In the end, no goblins came down the corridor after all, and I moved the boulder by building a wall out of it, but it still annoyed me big time.

I think, in hindsight, that the problem was that the dump zone was outside, and that they were not allowed out there, but I'm just not sure. Either way, never have I wanted a simple RTS-style "click a unit, then its target" system than when this happened.

"Hey, you! Urist McDumb***!"
"Yes?"
"Pick up that rock!"
"OK, I picked up the rock."
"Wonderful, you'll get far. Now move over there, without putting down the rock."
"OK. And now?"
"Now put the rock down, without injuring your feet. There. Good boy. Now you can stand there and look dumb again."

But no, that would've been too easy, wouldn't it?

(Yes, I know, it's still in alpha)

[Hagadorn]

Just had a suspected thief open the emergency access door to my magma-duct. this also meant that one of my miners decided that walking over magma to get to his job was an acceptable risk.

[Grendus]

When channeling out holes for my magmaworks, one of my miners, with three perfectly good spaces to stand on, stood on the space he was channeling out. "Urist McDumbass has died in the heat."

[Sir Iryn]

There are two humans at the bottom of the brook at my current human fortress. I decided to channel it out so no building destroyers could get at my drawbridge. Both immediately walked out there, and channelled themselves to death. I hate to think what will happen when I redirect the brook to place a magma moat around my town.

I'm guessing it was the dorfs who first taught the humans how to mine.