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Author Topic: A small start to a story, but 1/40 the way there.  (Read 814 times)

Willfor

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A small start to a story, but 1/40 the way there.
« on: November 21, 2009, 02:40:32 pm »
Over the past few days I've been working on a novel idea that's slowly taking shape. It's likely as not unpublishable, even when I get it finished. If I ever do finish it. But I figured I've finished a rough draft of the first chapter, and I might as well get some critique for it while I start working on the second.

--

[This draft has been removed as of Dec 24th, 2009. It was highly out of date. Massive changes have been made since.]

[Chapter break]
« Last Edit: December 24, 2009, 08:38:33 pm by Willfor »
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In the wells of livestock vans with shells and garden sands /
Iron mixed with oxygen as per the laws of chemistry and chance /
A shape was roughly human, it was only roughly human /
Apparition eyes / Apparition eyes / Knock, apparition, knock / Eyes, apparition eyes /

Willfor

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Re: A small start to a story, but 1/40 the way there.
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2009, 06:34:00 pm »
I gave it about 30 hours before bumping. I know there's some people reading, and I realise critique is generally the last thing on most people's minds when they read something, but I just want to know if anyone thinks this is cool or not. No need for big, exhaustive story reports. I'd just like a hint that I'm going in the right or wrong direction going into this and if there is any interest at all. :'(
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In the wells of livestock vans with shells and garden sands /
Iron mixed with oxygen as per the laws of chemistry and chance /
A shape was roughly human, it was only roughly human /
Apparition eyes / Apparition eyes / Knock, apparition, knock / Eyes, apparition eyes /

Muz

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Re: A small start to a story, but 1/40 the way there.
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2009, 02:56:54 pm »
I dunno, it's well written, but just doesn't pull me into it. I suspect it's because it's written in forum format :P

People just don't really read pieces of novels on forums. It's like, well, playing an unfinished game with a 20 minute demo.. it's not really satiating, and there's some fear that if it's good, you're never going to see the end of it.

It's certainly better written than some books I've bought, there's a nice amount of detail, without being too much or too little. But being just a short segment, I can't really comment on plot and thus, can't say if it's good or not. As it is, it seems a bit short, lacking introduction to characters, but as part of a novel, that's just fine, because you have all the other chapters to let the reader know about everyone.
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Disclaimer: Any sarcasm in my posts will not be mentioned as that would ruin the purpose. It is assumed that the reader is intelligent enough to tell the difference between what is sarcasm and what is not.

Willfor

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Re: A small start to a story, but 1/40 the way there.
« Reply #3 on: November 24, 2009, 06:22:57 pm »
I see your point. I suppose in hindsight I suppose I should've expected it. Especially since--and you're right--I hardly introduced the characters at all. But from what you've said I do think I'm heading in the correct overall direction with it. Thank you for the compliments! I am hoping that this time is the charm and that I can finish it.
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In the wells of livestock vans with shells and garden sands /
Iron mixed with oxygen as per the laws of chemistry and chance /
A shape was roughly human, it was only roughly human /
Apparition eyes / Apparition eyes / Knock, apparition, knock / Eyes, apparition eyes /

Mr Tk

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Re: A small start to a story, but 1/40 the way there.
« Reply #4 on: November 24, 2009, 06:47:13 pm »
I recommend heading over to Io9 since they're have a week of books, and they've got different pieces of advice from authors which maybe of interest/help. Ok it's got a SF theme to it, but any help is better than no help.
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Quote from: Eagleon on September 15, 2010, 11:58:58 am
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