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Author Topic: I think I had a mid-life epiphany...  (Read 1318 times)

Andir

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I think I had a mid-life epiphany...
« on: April 27, 2009, 06:09:03 pm »

I'm not sure why I'm posting this... maybe to get feedback, similar feelings... maybe even support(?) from someone.

I'm a professional developer.  Started off as a PC tech support guy for a small company in a small town.  If it was in a metal case, I could fix it.  I moved to phone support for a very large (fortune 100, international) company with help "networking" from a friend.  I went from phone support to field support and eventually into web development (coldFusion) and later into eLearning development (Flash/C/C++/C#).  (I loved programming as a hobby...it seemed to fit.)  I've grown to realize over the past few weeks that either the "Peter Principle" is starting to kick in, or I desperately need to go back to support.

We started using Scrum project management at work.  We previously had no real project management.  It was all, "I think it will take X days" type project management.  In other words... zero, zilch, nada.  I worked well in this environment.  I turned out a few huge multinational applications to support our coursework, saved the company millions, blah blah...  I began working with Scrum I've realized that I hate knowing what I'm going to be doing two weeks from now or even 2 days from now.  It's so tedious and numbing.  Sure, the boss loves it.  He can start giving better predictions on when things are to be finished.  This makes the corporate big-wigs happy... but it's eating my soul away....well, maybe not.  But it feels like it.

I love coming to work NOT knowing what I'm going to be doing that day.  If I got pulled into a meeting, was asked to code up a quick method to save interaction data, or just did jack squat that day... I was happy doing it!  It was a thrill every day.  Uncertainty (not instability) thrills me.  It makes my gears wind up and I get so much done.  I'm almost certain it's not an issue of lost control.  While I had control over my own timeline before, it still wore on me.  I couldn't wait for the project to be finished, but there were days I didn't even want to look at it.  I have never been able to sit down and complete an entire project on my own, because once I plan it out... I lose interest.  Solving the problem is my thrill.  Once it's solved, I'm done with it and I want to move on to the next challenge.

As I said... I'm mainly just venting, looking for someone else that might feel this way.  I'd hate to have to go job hunting again to float my troubleshooting boat, but I'd like to hear if someone else realized the same and took some positive action to resolve it.  Take it as you will.
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"Having faith" that the bridge will not fall, implies that the bridge itself isn't that trustworthy. It's not that different from "I pray that the bridge will hold my weight."

DeadlyLintRoller

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Re: I think I had a mid-life epiphany...
« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2009, 09:44:31 pm »

I'd love to be able to program, To be able to CREATE something, but decided not to pursue that in school because I thought Iwould have to stare at a computer screen all day. And all night since I just screw around on the comp at home. so I didn't want to spend all my time in front of a screen.

Guess what I do at work? yeah, that's right, stare at a computer screen. but instead of creating cool things, I just do seemingly pointless crap, shuffling files around, updating stockpile records...

I should have done IT. Now the closest I get to it is troubleshooting the idiot girl across the hall from me who I seriously had to teach a bunch of absurdly basic stuff.
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Tormy

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Re: I think I had a mid-life epiphany...
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2009, 06:41:00 am »

I'd love to be able to program, To be able to CREATE something

Yeah, absolutely..I mean just take a look at Toady's magnificent game, DF....or there are some really awesome roguelikes like Incursion...It would be cool if I could create games like these, but ah well....I am too dumb for it sadly.  ;D
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Puck

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Re: I think I had a mid-life epiphany...
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2009, 08:03:54 am »

I was sorta convinced this thread was about sportscars and younger women  ;)

viskaslietuvai

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Re: I think I had a mid-life epiphany...
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2009, 10:03:01 am »

I was sorta convinced this thread was about sportscars and younger women  ;)

That'd be the midlife crisis, not so much the epiphany which usually has a positive connotation, I always think. I would have probably called this a midlife realization.

Anyway, can't help you much. I just got accepted into a proper university and I'm starting to feel the world open up.
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Andir

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Re: I think I had a mid-life epiphany...
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2009, 10:04:02 am »

I was sorta convinced this thread was about sportscars and younger women  ;)
Well...I've been doing that all my life.  ;)

I've been driving a convertible and/or sports car since I left college and I can't say it was a mid-life crisis.  It's more of a holy-crap I don't like the direction my life job is headed right now... "what I really want to do" type epiphany.

Edit: Clarification...
« Last Edit: April 28, 2009, 10:46:32 am by Andir »
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"Having faith" that the bridge will not fall, implies that the bridge itself isn't that trustworthy. It's not that different from "I pray that the bridge will hold my weight."

Puck

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Re: I think I had a mid-life epiphany...
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2009, 10:19:02 am »

That'd be the midlife crisis, not so much the epiphany which usually has a positive connotation.
You'd be surprised how many guys mix that up just because of the positive connotation a sportscar and a younger woman usually have  ;D