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Author Topic: The Say-As-Much-As-You-Can-Without-Saying-Anything Game! Have a go!  (Read 1753 times)

Archangel

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Basically what you have to do is be as long winded, coherent and meaningless as possible using Lawyer/Pollie waffle. I'll judge you post on these criteria and only these criteria. I won't do scores or any thing but I will end this if someone posts something that I feel can not be topped. Your not allowed to quote books, films, songs or anything else like that. Quote from speeches might be allowed.


Also, this is my 100th post! \ I /   \ I / ( these are supposed to be fireworks)
                                         --o--  -o-
                                         / I \  / I \
                                        /            \
                                       /              \
« Last Edit: April 25, 2009, 10:57:56 pm by Archangel »
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There's about 25 of the fuckers and the three sarge killed were at point blank range - it's got to be zombies or a bunch of really dumb terrorists with knives.
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inaluct

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Re: The Say-As-Much-As-You-Can-Without-Saying-Anything Game! Make a post!
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2009, 08:16:14 pm »

"Well, Prince, so Genoa and Lucca are now just family estates of the Buonapartes. But I warn you, if you don't tell me that this means war, if you still try to defend the infamies and horrors perpetrated by that Antichrist--I really believe he is Antichrist--I will have nothing more to do with you and you are no longer my friend, no longer my 'faithful slave,' as you call yourself! But how do you do? I see I have frightened you--sit down and tell me all the news."

It was in July, 1805, and the speaker was the well-known Anna Pavlovna Scherer, maid of honor and favorite of the Empress Marya Fedorovna. With these words she greeted Prince Vasili Kuragin, a man of high rank and importance, who was the first to arrive at her reception. Anna Pavlovna had had a cough for some days. She was, as she said, suffering from la grippe; grippe being then a new word in St. Petersburg, used only by the elite.

All her invitations without exception, written in French, and delivered by a scarlet-liveried footman that morning, ran as follows:

"If you have nothing better to do, Count [or Prince], and if the prospect of spending an evening with a poor invalid is not too terrible, I shall be very charmed to see you tonight between 7 and 10- Annette Scherer."

"Heavens! what a virulent attack!" replied the prince, not in the least disconcerted by this reception. He had just entered, wearing an embroidered court uniform, knee breeches, and shoes, and had stars on his breast and a serene expression on his flat face. He spoke in that refined French in which our grandfathers not only spoke but thought, and with the gentle, patronizing intonation natural to a man of importance who had grown old in society and at court. He went up to Anna Pavlovna, kissed her hand, presenting to her his bald, scented, and shining head, and complacently seated himself on the sofa.

"First of all, dear friend, tell me how you are. Set your friend's mind at rest," said he without altering his tone, beneath the politeness and affected sympathy of which indifference and even irony could be discerned.

"Can one be well while suffering morally? Can one be calm in times like these if one has any feeling?" said Anna Pavlovna. "You are staying the whole evening, I hope?"

"And the fete at the English ambassador's? Today is Wednesday. I must put in an appearance there," said the prince. "My daughter is coming for me to take me there."

"I thought today's fete had been canceled. I confess all these festivities and fireworks are becoming wearisome."

"If they had known that you wished it, the entertainment would have been put off," said the prince, who, like a wound-up clock, by force of habit said things he did not even wish to be believed.

"Don't tease! Well, and what has been decided about Novosiltsev's dispatch? You know everything."

"What can one say about it?" replied the prince in a cold, listless tone. "What has been decided? They have decided that Buonaparte has burnt his boats, and I believe that we are ready to burn ours."

Prince Vasili always spoke languidly, like an actor repeating a stale part. Anna Pavlovna Scherer on the contrary, despite her forty years, overflowed with animation and impulsiveness. To be an enthusiast had become her social vocation and, sometimes even when she did not feel like it, she became enthusiastic in order not to disappoint the expectations of those who knew her. The subdued smile which, though it did not suit her faded features, always played round her lips expressed, as in a spoiled child, a continual consciousness of her charming defect, which she neither wished, nor could, nor considered it necessary, to correct.

In the midst of a conversation on political matters Anna Pavlovna burst out:

"Oh, don't speak to me of Austria. Perhaps I don't understand things, but Austria never has wished, and does not wish, for war. She is betraying us! Russia alone must save Europe. Our gracious sovereign recognizes his high vocation and will be true to it. That is the one thing I have faith in! Our good and wonderful sovereign has to perform the noblest role on earth, and he is so virtuous and noble that God will not forsake him. He will fulfill his vocation and crush the hydra of revolution, which has become more terrible than ever in the person of this murderer and villain! We alone must avenge the blood of the just one.... Whom, I ask you, can we rely on?... England with her commercial spirit will not and cannot understand the Emperor Alexander's loftiness of soul. She has refused to evacuate Malta. She wanted to find, and still seeks, some secret motive in our actions. What answer did Novosiltsev get? None. The English have not understood and cannot understand the self-abnegation of our Emperor who wants nothing for himself, but only desires the good of mankind. And what have they promised? Nothing! And what little they have promised they will not perform! Prussia has always declared that Buonaparte is invincible, and that all Europe is powerless before him.... And I don't believe a word that Hardenburg says, or Haugwitz either. This famous Prussian neutrality is just a trap. I have faith only in God and the lofty destiny of our adored monarch. He will save Europe!"

She suddenly paused, smiling at her own impetuosity.

"I think," said the prince with a smile, "that if you had been sent instead of our dear Wintzingerode you would have captured the King of Prussia's consent by assault. You are so eloquent. Will you give me a cup of tea?"

"In a moment. A propos," she added, becoming calm again, "I am expecting two very interesting men tonight, le Vicomte de Mortemart, who is connected with the Montmorencys through the Rohans, one of the best French families. He is one of the genuine emigres, the good ones. And also the Abbe Morio. Do you know that profound thinker? He has been received by the Emperor. Had you heard?"

"I shall be delighted to meet them," said the prince. "But tell me," he added with studied carelessness as if it had only just occurred to him, though the question he was about to ask was the chief motive of his visit, "is it true that the Dowager Empress wants Baron Funke to be appointed first secretary at Vienna? The baron by all accounts is a poor creature."

Prince Vasili wished to obtain this post for his son, but others were trying through the Dowager Empress Marya Fedorovna to secure it for the baron.

Anna Pavlovna almost closed her eyes to indicate that neither she nor anyone else had a right to criticize what the Empress desired or was pleased with.

"Baron Funke has been recommended to the Dowager Empress by her sister," was all she said, in a dry and mournful tone.

As she named the Empress, Anna Pavlovna's face suddenly assumed an expression of profound and sincere devotion and respect mingled with sadness, and this occurred every time she mentioned her illustrious patroness. She added that Her Majesty had deigned to show Baron Funke beaucoup d'estime, and again her face clouded over with sadness.

The prince was silent and looked indifferent. But, with the womanly and courtierlike quickness and tact habitual to her, Anna Pavlovna wished both to rebuke him (for daring to speak he had done of a man recommended to the Empress) and at the same time to console him, so she said:

"Now about your family. Do you know that since your daughter came out everyone has been enraptured by her? They say she is amazingly beautiful."

The prince bowed to signify his respect and gratitude.

"I often think," she continued after a short pause, drawing nearer to the prince and smiling amiably at him as if to show that political and social topics were ended and the time had come for intimate conversation--"I often think how unfairly sometimes the joys of life are distributed. Why has fate given you two such splendid children? I don't speak of Anatole, your youngest. I don't like him," she added in a tone admitting of no rejoinder and raising her eyebrows. "Two such charming children. And really you appreciate them less than anyone, and so you don't deserve to have them."

And she smiled her ecstatic smile.

"I can't help it," said the prince. "Lavater would have said I lack the bump of paternity."

"Don't joke; I mean to have a serious talk with you. Do you know I am dissatisfied with your younger son? Between ourselves" (and her face assumed its melancholy expression), "he was mentioned at Her Majesty's and you were pitied...."

The prince answered nothing, but she looked at him significantly, awaiting a reply. He frowned.

"What would you have me do?" he said at last. "You know I did all a father could for their education, and they have both turned out fools. Hippolyte is at least a quiet fool, but Anatole is an active one. That is the only difference between them." He said this smiling in a way more natural and animated than usual, so that the wrinkles round his mouth very clearly revealed something unexpectedly coarse and unpleasant.

"And why are children born to such men as you? If you were not a father there would be nothing I could reproach you with," said Anna Pavlovna, looking up pensively.

"I am your faithful slave and to you alone I can confess that my children are the bane of my life. It is the cross I have to bear. That is how I explain it to myself. It can't be helped!"

He said no more, but expressed his resignation to cruel fate by a gesture. Anna Pavlovna meditated.

"Have you never thought of marrying your prodigal son Anatole?" she asked. "They say old maids have a mania for matchmaking, and though I don't feel that weakness in myself as yet, I know a little person who is very unhappy with her father. She is a relation of yours, Princess Mary Bolkonskaya."

Prince Vasili did not reply, though, with the quickness of memory and perception befitting a man of the world, he indicated by a movement of the head that he was considering this information.

"Do you know," he said at last, evidently unable to check the sad current of his thoughts, "that Anatole is costing me forty thousand rubles a year? And," he went on after a pause, "what will it be in five years, if he goes on like this?" Presently he added: "That's what we fathers have to put up with.... Is this princess of yours rich?"

"Her father is very rich and stingy. He lives in the country. He is the well-known Prince Bolkonski who had to retire from the army under the late Emperor, and was nicknamed 'the King of Prussia.' He is very clever but eccentric, and a bore. The poor girl is very unhappy. She has a brother; I think you know him, he married Lise Meinen lately. He is an aide-de-camp of Kutuzov's and will be here tonight."

"Listen, dear Annette," said the prince, suddenly taking Anna Pavlovna's hand and for some reason drawing it downwards. "Arrange that affair for me and I shall always be your most devoted slave- slafe with an f, as a village elder of mine writes in his reports. She is rich and of good family and that's all I want."

And with the familiarity and easy grace peculiar to him, he raised the maid of honor's hand to his lips, kissed it, and swung it to and fro as he lay back in his armchair, looking in another direction.

"Attendez," said Anna Pavlovna, reflecting, "I'll speak to Lise, young Bolkonski's wife, this very evening, and perhaps the thing can be arranged. It shall be on your family's behalf that I'll start my apprenticeship as old maid."
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Archangel

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Re: The Say-As-Much-As-You-Can-Without-Saying-Anything Game! Make a post!
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2009, 08:26:03 pm »

It's too long and it's a short story and it isn't what I meant. I was after lawyer/pollie waffle. I'll add that to the first post.
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There's about 25 of the fuckers and the three sarge killed were at point blank range - it's got to be zombies or a bunch of really dumb terrorists with knives.
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inaluct

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Re: The Say-As-Much-As-You-Can-Without-Saying-Anything Game! Make a post!
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2009, 08:28:19 pm »

That was the first chapter of War and Peace.

Just like the rest of the book, it says nothing.
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Archangel

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Re: The Say-As-Much-As-You-Can-Without-Saying-Anything Game! Make a post!
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2009, 08:30:09 pm »

Ok. I'll add that your not allowed to quote anything.
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There's about 25 of the fuckers and the three sarge killed were at point blank range - it's got to be zombies or a bunch of really dumb terrorists with knives.
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Duke 2.0

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Re: The Say-As-Much-As-You-Can-Without-Saying-Anything Game! Make a post!
« Reply #5 on: April 24, 2009, 08:35:39 pm »

 Damn, and I just brought up the page for The Price of Sexy Love, too.
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Buck up friendo, we're all on the level here.
I would bet money Andrew has edited things retroactively, except I can't prove anything because it was edited retroactively.
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Archangel

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Re: The Say-As-Much-As-You-Can-Without-Saying-Anything Game! Make a post!
« Reply #6 on: April 24, 2009, 08:38:16 pm »

Inaluct, remove what you posted please.
Duke, post it. I'll tell you if it's acceptable.
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There's about 25 of the fuckers and the three sarge killed were at point blank range - it's got to be zombies or a bunch of really dumb terrorists with knives.
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Duke 2.0

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Buck up friendo, we're all on the level here.
I would bet money Andrew has edited things retroactively, except I can't prove anything because it was edited retroactively.
MIERDO MILLAS DE VIBORAS FURIOSAS PARA ESTRANGULARTE MUERTO

Archangel

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Re: The Say-As-Much-As-You-Can-Without-Saying-Anything Game! Make a post!
« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2009, 09:05:10 pm »

You're right.
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There's about 25 of the fuckers and the three sarge killed were at point blank range - it's got to be zombies or a bunch of really dumb terrorists with knives.
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Archangel

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Re: The Say-As-Much-As-You-Can-Without-Saying-Anything Game! Make a post!
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2009, 11:03:21 pm »

How do you change the name of a topic?
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There's about 25 of the fuckers and the three sarge killed were at point blank range - it's got to be zombies or a bunch of really dumb terrorists with knives.
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Jack_Bread

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Re: The Say-As-Much-As-You-Can-Without-Saying-Anything Game! Make a post!
« Reply #10 on: April 25, 2009, 01:13:21 am »

Edit the original post.

Asheron

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Re: The Say-As-Much-As-You-Can-Without-Saying-Anything Game! Make a post!
« Reply #11 on: April 25, 2009, 08:33:27 am »

"As it were, my dear sir, I am here to proof to you the innocence of count Vladimir the Impaler. As you might know, the bias against my great count has already led to many accusations on false terms, which are not only made in light of common discontentness against my lord, but are also made in pure hostility to my great count. Might I say more, the entirety of accusations directed to my count are all false lies purely directed to damage my great lords reputation, despite his more than fully proved loyalty to you, my dear sir. In this light, I would like to ask you to reconsider these lies or atleast doubt them until they are backed by hard evidence which are not only gained in a justful and neutral way, but which are also gained in pure consent with my count himself, as his enemies would gladly proof him guilty by using less than honourful ways.
Furthermore, I can show you evidence of my lord's innocence. First of all would I require of you to, while you listen, to think about my words in a sense of pure logic and rationality, without emotional context which might dilute the justice in my word. My lord has been accused of impaling minorities and innocents in his county, though might I ask thee to think. What lord has not, by accident, killed innocent men and women? Is it not that, when a garden keeper removes weed from his most sacred plants, that he also removes pure and true parts of his garden? Is it not that, when evil schemes and plots, twists and turns, it is impossible to fully seperate the good from the evil? I would hereby ask you to think of this. Also, my lord clearly has no intention to inflict the wrath of God, the God he has sworn to protect and serve due to all of his life. Would he throw away this lifetime of labour to his God by doing such dreadful things? It would be as a tree losing it leaves in full summer, a man amputating his fully working finger or, yes indeed, a king dismissing his fully innocent count. I ask you to think wisely and rationaly in your decision and wise judgement, as your decision is one of great importance and one of which many are dependent.
..."

I'm pretty sure this post should do.


« Last Edit: April 25, 2009, 08:35:32 am by Asheron »
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sonerohi

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Re: The Say-As-Much-As-You-Can-Without-Saying-Anything Game! Make a post!
« Reply #12 on: April 25, 2009, 02:03:36 pm »

So what if a circle could also be a landmine? Could not a rose be a tulip, or a waffle? What manner of a name. For surely the Batman cannot be killed. Lolz.
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