Life in the Mountainhomes is dull.
Getting assigned jobs to perpetually haul horse chunks from stockpile to stockpile very rapidly wares thin.
One day I was in polite discussion with my co-workers when the butchery foreman overheard me and the topic of our conversation.
This was not the best of things to happen as the topic of conversation amongst my co-workers was invariably the shortcomings of our foreman whether they be mental, physical or sexual.
I think what really pushed him over the edge was the fact that at the time I had quite plainly stated that it appeared he had beard extensions. And that those beard extensions looked like they originally were growing on a dog's nutsack.
This comment freed up my schedule quite quickly and rather than haul horse chunks to and fro I went to the pub to lament my newly found unemployment.
After 6 or 7 pints of a rather tasty ale some annoying loudmouth waltzed on in to the pub and started making grandiose proclamations about how his "grand expedition" was going to mine an untouched, virgin mountain range he had delightfully dubbed "The Scalding Fingers" and how whoever joined him would be granted vast material wealth.
Vast material wealth had always appealed to me so I quickly strolled over to have a chat with him. It didn't take long for me to realise what had happened, a moron had hatched a gem of an idea. There's only one thing to do when a moron has a good idea, join in and steal all the credit.
To my surprise the fool had actually put together a quite competent team and assembled most of the right provisions to start a new mining outpost in the far wilds. I greatly oversold my cooking skills to him and we departed the very next day. I asked him what he had called the expedition knowing he would be happy to regale me with a long winded spiel about bugger all, letting me get on his good side and find a way to remove him from being top of the food chain.
"I've called us all Fath Sod! Isn't it profound? It means The Sacks of Mist, so mysterious, so elegant, so haunting. Don't you agree?"
I just smiled and nodded, I actually thought it quite fitting that even he would call himself a big bag full of nothing but gas.
Our Equipment
It didn't take very long for our "glorious leader" to get on everyone's nerves and I will admit I had helped him to annoy every single member of the expedition, the time was right. I got him outrageously drunk on the last of our dwarven beer and through a bit of shameless flattery I got the daft bastard to draw me quite a detailed map. Soon as he'd finished that my cooking skills came to the fore as I lopped off his head with my meat cleaver. I then proceeded to drag his body to a nearby river and feed it to some ravenous carp. I think they had developed quite a taste for dwarf by the time I'd thrown all of him into the river. Good thing we were still a long way from our destination, those carp were more than a little off-putting.
The map
When dawn came it was a very simple matter to assume leadership of the expedition, I just had to flash the map at them followed by my rather large and menacing meat cleaver - which had more than a little dried blood still on it.
So far a definite upgrade from horse chunk hauler.
It took quite a bit of time but we eventually arrived at the Scalded Fingers, I stopped the wagon in a appropriate looking place and yell that phrase all dwarves love. "Strike the earth!"
Unib Thobag (lead miner) had barely picked up his pick when Dumat the jeweller came racing up to me screaming "STOP!" at the top of his lungs.
"What the hell is it?" I demanded.
"We haven't named the place yet,"
"You actually stopped the digging just for the lack of a name?"
"It needs a name before anything gets dug up, it's dwarven tradition."
"Fine, whatever, just name it so we can get this thing started."
"OK, can I call the place Athelod?"
"Eh, fine by me. It's nice and short so it'll save me time on the paperwork. Unib, start digging"
Unib just grunted and got back to work, my kind of dwarf.
The hours passed and the entrance began to take shape and at that moment curiousity got the better of me.
"Dumat, what does Athelod actually mean in the Old Tounge?" I asked
He looked me straight in the eyes, grinning from ear to ear and said
"Ringlimbs!"
At that moment I let out a sigh that felt like it had a bit of my soul attached to it and I wished a giant eagle would swoop down and eat me on the spot. None obliged. I'm stuck here with these people and I have a sinking feeling that the next few years are not going to pass quickly...