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[Neoskel]

I had a story i just had to share, so please post your stories that you just have to share, but can't find an appropriate thread for here.

Anyways, i'm working on an ice fortress on a glacier by the sea (for renewable water) and i had all my walls set up. Two entrances, one 5 tile wide one closed off with a drawbridge for wagons and a 10 tile long narrow path filled with cage traps for goblins. It's my fortress' third year and i have 49 dwarves, so i was just starting to get snatchers. Two got killed, one by the dwarf caravan guards and one by my pet polar bear (now named Snumnogonguk or Scorchingrisked). No kobold trouble in cold country.

Now it's the spring and the elves just arrived with tons of yummy brewables, and about 5 snatchers get caged in quick succession. I know this means that an ambush is close from prior experience with the same type of fortress design. I'm hoping that ten traps will be enough to trap enough goblins to scare off the survivors. And it worked. The remaining 3 speargobs and 1 wrestling gob run away after most of their fellows get caged. But i forgot to save and later on the game crashes.

I had saved right after completely caging the first ambush squad, so the next squad was close behind. This time they keep coming instead of running away, so a speargob and a wrestler are left to menace my dwarves, and are about to come down the corridor. I have no military dwarves, and theres noway to get my bear to go to the right place before they start wrecking havoc. So i do the only thing worth doing and recruit one of my legendary miners who happens to be on break near the corridor (my starting 7 are all legendary miners at this point, i had them do everything until migrants showed up). She promptly goes to bed. So i recruit another legendary miner who is filling in at the kitchen just one floor down and send him to the corridor. He goes running off and then the two gobs see him. Faced with an angry dwarf with crazy stats and a pickaxe the gobs turn to flee. My miner is much faster than them though and catches the wrestler and one shots him. Then he jumps on the speargob and kills him in about two swings.

I'm happy to say that so far, no goblin has escaped after coming to my fortress. I really need a female polar bear to start a breeding program though.

Sorry for the wall'o'text, i really like putting things in context. Further posts are welcome, no encouraged, to be as long winded. 

[HungryHobo]

I line the edges of the map with cage traps and make it a goal to never allow a single goblin to escape.
Goblins tell tales of my dark fortress, the forbidden place from which none have ever returned.
They are all brought inside, stripped of their armour, weapons and clothes and then sent for processing.
Some get sent straight to the cleanroom, a 1x1 room with a system of pumps which will flood the room with magma and then drain all the magma out again leaving any iron objects I neglected to remove from them clean on the floor.
Others are thrown in the pit where they're used for target practice by the hundred. The corpses are then sealed in to allow them to rot down into clean bone.

Some are thrown into the pit with fearsome beasts so my military can enjoy the sight of them being torn apart.
The last few are hobbled using a marksdwarf who's view can be obscured with a bridge before they're used for wrestling practice by my new recruits.

[Quiller]

You know if none of them have ever returned, they are not going to be able to tell very specific tales...

[Ubersoldat]

I line the edges of the map with cage traps and make it a goal to never allow a single goblin to escape.
Goblins tell tales of my dark fortress, the forbidden place from which none have ever returned.
They are all brought inside, stripped of their armour, weapons and clothes and then sent for processing.
Some get sent straight to the cleanroom, a 1x1 room with a system of pumps which will flood the room with magma and then drain all the magma out again leaving any iron objects I neglected to remove from them clean on the floor.
Others are thrown in the pit where they're used for target practice by the hundred. The corpses are then sealed in to allow them to rot down into clean bone.

Some are thrown into the pit with fearsome beasts so my military can enjoy the sight of them being torn apart.
The last few are hobbled using a marksdwarf who's view can be obscured with a bridge before they're used for wrestling practice by my new recruits.

I am struck by the sudden need to create a fortress that runs entirely on 'processed' goblins.

It's too bad you'd need to do some entity editing to make goblins into a food source, though.

[Caiburn]

[REACTION:GOBLIN_TO_FOOD]
[NAME:make soylent green chips]
[KITCHEN]
[REAGENT:1:GOBLIN]
[PRODUCT:100:3:FOOD:SOYLENT_GREEN]
[FUEL]

(This is not real, just imagined...I have not gotten into modding yet - but it gets to the point. Although it would have to be humans for being canon...)

--Caiburn

[Neoskel]

[REACTION:GOBLIN_TO_FOOD]
[NAME:make soylent green chips]
[KITCHEN]
[REAGENT:1:GOBLIN]
[PRODUCT:100:3:FOOD:SOYLENT_GREEN]
[FUEL]

(This is not real, just imagined...I have not gotten into modding yet - but it gets to the point. Although it would have to be humans for being canon...)

--Caiburn

Unfortunately, only the smelter supports reactions currently.

Anyways, i was slightly bored and decided to mess around with the goblins, but savescum afterwards. So first i built 3x3 walls with a ramp on the side and pitted my polar bear into the one tile chamber created. Then i pitted goblins into it one at a time. It was fun to see random goblin bits fly up and out of the chamber occasionally. I had about 3 gobs left when my bear got over-exerted and i stopped. Then i savescummed.

I was still a bit bored, so i built a 3x3 chamber this time, with the intention of pitting all of my goblins and then dropping in 10 recruited migrants and seeing who won. I managed to pit all of the goblins except one thief who had to be splatted by the recruits. I noticed some interesting things: military gobs never escape while being moved, only thieves do. When a dwarf pitting a large animal (goblin) is interrupted by hostile creatures (goblins in the pit...  ) they hang on to the goblin and go back to the meeting area while another dwarf comes to continue the job and a third dwarf grabs the nearest cage to contain the animal. If the cage gets there first, the second dwarf pulls the animal out of the cage and finishes pitting it, if the second dwarf finishes pitting the animal before the cage gets there theres a job cancellation message because the creature is now inaccessible.

When i had built the chamber, a pet puppy belonging to one of my recruits got stuck inside. When i pitted in the first goblin (a thief) the gob stayed on it's side of the chamber while the puppy ran frantically along the 3 tiles on it's side. Then i pitted another thief and they kinda shuffled around a bit, but didn't attack each other. Then i pitted a wrestler, and the puppy bit his face off. That is, bit out his eye and did yellow damage to his ear and nose. The wrestler was unconscious for a while after than. Unfortunately pitting the rest of the military gobs eventually killed the poor puppy.

Anyways, i then put all my recruits on top of the 1 tile retracting drawbridge and pulled the lever... but they all flew off sideways... The floor falls out and you go flying off to the side?!?! I wasn't able to build in walls around the drawbridge because of the floors i had already put in, so i pitted my bear in there instead. He managed to kill several of the gobs pretty quickly, but got over-exerted and had gray damage on his tail. The rest of the gobs were trying to avoid him, so i decided to have some fun by deconstructing one of the walls and closing the drawbridge entrance to the fort so the only exit was past cage traps. My recruits squashed the 4 of the 5 gobs which had survived the bear while one wrestler made it into the cage traps. Then i savescummed again.

I'm gonna finish building my ice tower keep now. I intend to make a Gobbitorium instead of killing the gobs too.