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[Helmaroc]

There's a ton of crap and dead spiders under most of my keys, and often the keys get jammed and I have to mash them till they *crunch* and work again.
The F1 and F2 keys are crooked. The 'fn' key in the left bottom corner is slightly hard to press, even though I have never used it. Ever. Since I'm on a PowerBook G4, the arrow keys are like this

||||^^^||||
<<vvvv>>

There's little spaces beside the up arrow that aren't keys at all, just hard plastic to tap on. There's a little slope downwards that allows you to see under the fn, ctrl, alt/option, apple/command, space, right apple command, enter, and arrow keys. The stuff that the keys are on top of is slightly peeling in the bottom left hand corner, the whole keyboard could peel off or something I guess. I have a touchpad that is south of the space key. On the plastic part surrounding the touchpad below the keyboard, there is damage in one corner that looks like little black poop stains.

Heh.

[Asheron]

What the-
My keyboard seems heaven on earth compared to you guys. What the hell do you do with them?
DEATH SPIDERS?

Lstar: A faded i stands for misinformation. You are confused, and do not know what to think. Golden Pennies. Thus, you can find yourself to be unstable. Three Buttocks. Also, you do not know what to think. You are confused. Confused you are.

In a few words: Confused Confusion of Confusician

Nilocy: ASD is very similar to LSD. The grime forming under them is a sign of their impact on your life. Stop selling them, or you'll end up to be a key in a keyboard.
The dust on the f leads me to believe you rarely curse.

In a few words: LSD Trader of Neat Words and Things.

Helmaroc: I hate spiders.
You show distinct dictatorial traits. You smash everything until it works for you, even things that are already dead or things that are similar to the premordial soup.
The *crunch* might very well be a sign that you like cookies with a crunchie flavour.
However, you are a cursed man. Nature is keeping you from using the fn, which leads to mental unstability. F1 and F2 are signs of distinct aggressiveness.
Uh... hard plastic to tap on besides the up arrow is a sign of boredom during play.
*Gasp*
You can easily think out of the box, or see beneath the surface of things. Because of that, you can many traits of one things. When you see things that are peeled off, beware. They are a sign of future curiousity that will urge you to peek under things.
Don't.
Black poop stains are a sign of reliance to your young times. Don't cry.

In a few words: Dictatorial Cursed Aggressor of Out-of-the-box-thinking.

[A_Fey_Dwarf]

Hmmm. My father just spilled a cup of coffee all over my gaming keyboard. So at the moment I am using the old Keyboard that came with our Windows NT. I suppose I could get you to analyze this piece of junk but it is not work your time.

[Xehon]

Hmm, I have 2 keyboards that I use regularly. One black old IBM and one white modern wireless Logitech keyboard. I use the black keyboard when I'm messing around with BIOS or the batteries of my white keyboard run dry, I'm also using it with my old backup laptop which I'm currently using. Similarly I also have a wireless white mouse(as part of the set with my white keyboard) and a backup old black microsoft mouse. Both keyboard use the Danish standard, but I'm not in Denmark nor am I Danish. technically and in all practical manner the keyboard are fine, but most people are negligent to touch 'em. There are small scratches on both keyboard, but I don't know their origin.

The black keyboard is covered with all sort of dirt and grease. If I turn it upside down it produces a miniature nuclear winter snowfall. It's Win buttons are removed from between the Alt(s) and Ctrl(s). All the keys are dirty from the sides, but the following are NOT dirty on the top: arrow keys, spacebar, left-shift, left-Alt, Home, End, A, S, D, W, X, NumPad Minus and NumPad Plus. Funnily you can't see the uncleanness if you don't look at the keyboard at a sharp corner, but If you scrape the keys with you nails you uncover a brighter level of dirt leaving it at contrast with the black keyboard. None of the keys are faded. It makes a nice *click* when a key is pressed.

The white keyboard is cleaner, but still produces a miniature nuclear winter snowfall. No keys are missing or faded. Only keys that are fully clean are the nonstandard functions(like My Home, Search, Volume + and -, I honestly don't even know what most of them do and I usually install them for my OS) at the top. The following are NOT dirty on the top: arrow keys, left-Ctrl, left-shift, left-Alt, A, S, D, W, C, G, 2, F2, F3, Right-Ctrl, <, NumPad 5 , NumPad 1 , NumPad 4 , NumPad 6 , NumPad 9 , NumPad 8 and NumPad Plus. Dirt is more visible on this keyboard.

I'd like to see how you solve THIS.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

When I sit down to the computer, I remove the cloth embroidered with a chuck norris joke that covers my keyboard.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Chuck Norris doesn't need to raise the roof, it's too afraid of falling on him

My keyboard is completely broken. The little feet in back that angle the board so you can type comfortably are long gone. They're probably having tea with some of my missing keys - among them "e" and "home". This keyboard predates the idea of having little lights that tell you when caps lock is on. And oh boy is it on! The caps lock toggle no longer works, so when I type in lowercase I have to hold Shift.

Speaking of, the "plus/equals", "minus/underscore", and F9 through F12 keys don't work anymore. I just have to use the alt codes when I want to type the first two broken ones.

There is a hole where I tried to pry my keyboard apart to let a bee out.

The cable is frayed and repaired with electrical tape. I swear sometimes I lose keystrokes but I've never had a control blackout.

I have no numpad.

Someone loved Rod Serling enough to carve his name into the back. Or, alternatively, this keyboard was once owned by Rod Serling.



This is nowhere near as bad as one keyboard I used at a friend's house. She complained that her space bar wasn't pressing down far enough anymore. I shook the keyboard and along with everything else came a long strip of canadian bacon. She claimed ignorance.

[Impending Doom]

My keyboard is relatively new, with black keys and white lettering. The entire top row (Esc, F# keys, Numlock, Printscreen, Insert, and Delete) are pristine and completely untouched. All of the letter keys are relatively intact, but are beginning to show that shiny, well-worn smoothness. Z, X, Q, and the zero key are noticeably less worn than the others. Left shift is mostly untouched, as are Caps Lock and Tab. Backspace is well-worn, but less so than most of the others. The space bar has a large, almost mirror-smooth area in the center, with an area of smoothness trailing off to the right. The left side is mostly pristine. The Fn key and impromptu numpad keys (789, UIO, JKL) are worn smoother than most by many long nights of both orbiting and earth-striking. Other than this subtle wear, the keys are almost spotlessly clean. The spaces under and between the keys are clean, with only one visible crumb, save for a small shape darting in and out of the shadows beneath the keys. About halfway through that sentence, I heard a subtle crunch when pressing the O key, and haven't seen the moving thing since. the touchpad is clean and well-kept, not yet showing any wear. The two mouse buttons below the touchpad are slightly worn, the left more than the right. There is a small patch of missing paint along the bottom of the left mouse button (rather than pressing directly down on the mouse button, I rest my thumbnail in the small crevice along the bottom edg of the mouse button and rock my thumb forward.). All of the arrow keys are well-worn.

That's about it.

[Asheron]

Post reserved for the three keyboards above

[Xehon]

[Bump of Memory +3]

[Little]

My keyboard is a fairly standard model, five years old. The keys are kinda a darkish white, due to the dirt on them. The first five F keys are fairly clean, and the spacebar works fine. The NumPad is fairly dirty(due to me using them as the controls in Pirates!). The \ ] [ are incrediably dirty, a dirty grey(I really need to clean this thing). The only clean keys on my NumPad are NumLock, / and *. All the letters are fairly clean, with A Q and Z being almost white.

[Jaqie Fox]

*shrug*
Sure why not, though you get more out of how the people post and what they notice about their keyboard than the keyboard information itself.

I have a refurb IBM model M from www.clickykeyboard.com, the type that lasts forever, clicks loudly, and weighs as much as a cinderblock.  (for other people's information, you can buy a brand new one made with the same buckling spring technology from unicomp.com, they *DO* make them like this still, new, and just as well made too)  Basically, the keyboard lasts forever with a little care.  Though it is a chore to clean, I clean it every few months by taking the keycaps (not the keys, the keycaps are seperate on these) and cleaning below with rubbing alcohol doused Q tips.

The cord, where it leaves the keyboard has a loose connection from the constant movement (I type with the keyboard in my lap) so I have had to duct-tape the cord to the side of the keyboard for it to function until I feel well enough to get into it and repair it right with my soldering iron and proper heatshrink (used to be in the TV/vcr repair business, I know how to repair things right).  It stays pretty clean, but I do eat with it in my lap so it tends to get a bit of gunk in it between full cleanings.

I also for a while used to cut cheese with my pocketknife while it was sitting on my desk, and as a result there are a couple cuts in the very bottom (most towards the user side) of the keyboard I had to sand down a bit to even them out. I thoroughly regret ever having marred such a good piece of equipment so I altered my desk arrangement so I eat (and prepare) food (like sandwiches) using another section of my desk.

I do wipe the keyboard (and desk) off often with a washcloth, "hand salsa" as the accumilation is called by techies is very disgusting to me.  Besides the duct tape area, it looks just like it did when it arrived (as clickykeyboard thoroughly cleans them inside and out before sending them to buyers, and replaces all worn keycaps) despite me using it for almost two years straight, doing a lot and I mean a lot of typing, and since it was so well made the only key that shows any real wear besides "a bit of shininess" (from plastic wear from repeated typing, which slowly wears down that orange peel type texture given plastic) is the bottom center of the spacebar as with typing text it is the most common key pressed and I press it in the bottom of the center as well instead of the center of the key like the rest of the keys.  The shiniest keys (most used) are the arrow keys along with the navigation cluster (ins home pgup pgdn end del) and numpad along with all the standard letter keys.

(note: unicomp.com's front page is offline, but you can go directly to their most popular model by going to http://pckeyboards.stores.yahoo.net/customizer.html )

[Asheron]

Oh, I forgot this thread...
So much reading to do... so warm...

[Dr. Melon]

My keyboard is fairly new. Zboard Gaming Keyboard. I keep it clean with a USB keyboard hoover.

Now and again, I take the dirty keys out and get the grime off of them.