It was indeed half a days walk to Singlescar. The mayor forgot to mention it was half a day's walk during the midnight sun. Gruff and Ibu had aged a good 6 months by the time they reached their destination. But when they got there, they knew their task:
G: "Okay, let's find this Babrinar"
I: "Uh, his name is Srodrukin boss. I know that and I'm a drunk"
G: "I know you're a drunk Ibu, that's why there's a trail of vomit from town to where we are now"
I: "That's so we can find our way back"
Gruff shook his head and wondered what he had gotten himself into. Beckoning Ibu to follow, he led them round a steep bluff and towards the cave. Ibu stumbled various times in the dark, muttering to himself, and occasionally cursing the mayor, the dark, and the lack of hard spirits.
I: "How on earth is it night time? Didn't we leave in summer?"
G: "And we got here in winter... half a days walk... that's what you get for listening to Mayor Gober"
I: "Bewa"
G: "Beware what?"
I: "No, his name is Bewa"
G: "Look I don't care what his..."
A blood-curdling hiss echoed through the desolate landscape. Ibu jumped.
I: "What the hell was that?!?!"
G: "I'll use my power of premonition... it is... thinking... mmm...
I: "Hurry up"
G: "Shut up Ibu.... it was... a.... snakeman falling into a deep chasm!"
I: "You're full of sh..."
G: "Quiet, we're nearly there"
Gruff led them through the darkness, up a gentle incline and past some stone walls filled with gems.
I: "Crikey! Let's get those!"
G: "We don't have a shovel"
I: "What the... why don't we have a shovel"
G: "We're mercenaries for crying out loud, not miners. Pray to Toady if you want a shovel. Or console yourslef with this cow bone bracelet"
I: "Where on earth did that come from?!"
G: "The ground. Jeez Ibu, get with the program"
Gruff went to hand Ibu the bracelet, but Ibu had already charged off down the slope, to the north.
G: "Ibu, it's east mate. What the hell is your problem?"
I: "COINS! Wheeeee!!!!!"
Gruff went to snatch up the coins that Ibu had found. No point this drunk wasting them on ale - they could be wasted on other things instead. Other things - for Gruff.
I: "I hate you"
Gruff flashed his gorgeous chompers - the wounds were mended in an instant. But before he could grab the money, Ibu let out a battle cry - well, it was more like a drunken outburst, but beggars can't be choosers in this bleak hostile landscape.
Kobold guards had emerged from their hiding spot, cackling to themselves.
"K1: I told you it would work! They have stuff! Woooooo!!!"
"K2: Well it's about time. Those coins have been there for 5 years, and this is the first group of halfwits to stumble across them and into our trap"
Ibu began punching the first kobold guard, mostly in his spine, then Gruff joined in hacking at his hands and feet. The kobold yelped in pain, his friend still a ways off. Gruff finished him, slicing through his torso and sending his leg-hip-bum part flying.
K2: "DROBRIDIS!!! NOOOOOO!"
Tugulupaldin, the kobold guard, had lost his only friend. The friend that had led him to believe that setting an ambush that was stumbled into 5 years later was a good idea. Tugul still thought it was a good idea, mostly because his natural kobold defense mechanism - of becoming suicidally stupid when outnumbered - had kicked in.
Ibu punched his legs as Gruff worked his upper body. Gruff was impressed at the gusto with which Ibu flailed in a drunken fashion, and the effectiveness.
G: "You do well Ibu"
I: "This is fun!!"
G: "It is! Let's drag it out, hell knows when we'll run into the next kobold."
Tugul moaned in pain as Gruff and Ibu went about the process of dismantling his extremeties, limbs, organs, and spine. Gruff and Ibu smiled widely at each other as they hacked Tugul to bits, covering themselves in green sticky kobold ooze. Once they had finished, 8 minutes later, they dusted themselves off, and headed towards the cave. But in a matter of moments, the party was over.
Ibu charged off into the distance before Gruff could stop him. A howl of pain rang through the valley, and Gruff knew Ibu had met a dire fate. When he finally broke through the dark undergrowth, he found Ibu on the ground, a kobold standing over him twisting a spear into his chest.
G: "Um, are you alright?"
Ibu cried out:
I: "You fool! Argh help me!!!"
Gruff shook his head, knowing the drunk had met his match. At least he was too smashed to feel the real pain, of the other kobold stabbing into his spine. Or maybe he was simply paraplegic. In any case, Gruff waded in, Halberd swinging. Kobold parts flew everywhere - it was a sight to behold. Within minutes, Gruff had rendered countless kobolds into a pile of bits. He marvelled at his work. Unfortunately though, he couldn't tell which bits were Ibu and which were kobold.
Confused, Gruff gathered up what he could, copper shields, copper spears, bloody stumps, and made haste back to town to explain this to the mayor.
[ January 30, 2008: Message edited by: e_i_pi ]