I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO DIE QUIETLY ONCE EVERYTHING WAS KINDA RESOLVED, BUT INSTEAD IT LOOKS LIKE Y'ALL CARED ABOUT IT ENOUGH TO TURN THE THREAD INTO A LEWIS CARROL READING GROUP AND SHITPOST THREAD? FINE THEN, FINAL TURN INCOMING. AND YES, I WAS DRINKING WHILE I WROTE THIS, AND IT WAS BLOODY HOPPY.
UNITE ALL ABRAHAMIC FAITHS INTO ONE SUPER FAITH, THE MONEY OF THE MORMONS, THE INFRASTRUCTURE OF THE CATHOLICS, THE HATRED OF THE PROTESTANTS, AND THE DELICIOUS BREAKFAST OF THE QUAKERS.
5
You unite all Abrahimic religions into one super-faith, using the army of Jesuses and stuff like that to convince Catholics, Protestants, Jews, and Muslims, as well as all the weird non-Protestant non-Catholic schismed groups like Coptics and Orthodoxes, and the bizarre post Protestant groups like Mormons, and all the schismed Jewish groups I guess, like Samaritans, blow me if I know how that works, and I guess the Baháʼí too according to wikipedia, as well as any Islam derivatives, and any Abrahimic groups I missed, to join in one united ultra-faith. And also figure out how theology should work now we know demons and time travel and divine intervention and parallel worlds and stuff works.
You even succeed in keeping out the Pastafarians, and uniting the majority of the world into this mega-group solves all religious conflict, ends a great deal of sectarian hatred, and hugely improves organised religions everywhere. Even Hinduism and Buddhism and all the non-Abrahimic religions are inspired to up their game. Congratulations, you just prevented a ton of wars and shit.
Continue practicing ice magic, and try controlling any entities I create using ice magic, to eventual,y take over Greenland
4
You become a fantastic ice witch/wizard/whatever, capable of creating ice golems and thinking entities composed of snow and frost through magic. You also get elected Prime Minister of Greenland on a platform of healthcare reform, carefully allocated public spending and investment in environmentally sound energy investment.
Look around, realize I somehow actually won, completely neglecting to GIVE MY LIFE ON THE STEPS TO HEAVEN.
Continue to protect the Pope from then on, as is tradition.
1
You look around and realize you won, without even needing to give your life to save the world.
And then you see the last of the time geese, holding a bizarre contraption that's clearly some kind of grenade, hurling it towards the pope as he emerges from the anchorite tunnels.
You leap on the explosive, covering it with your chest as several Jesuses incapacitate the time goose. Everything is still for a second. Then the grenade detonates beneath you.
A hero's death, and the last casualty of the Geese wars. The sight brings a tear to the eye. The Pope may find a new bodyguard, but will there ever be a more loyal Swiss guard?
Become the cloistered king of the stone snakes. Use them for good.
5
You build an underground kingdom of stone serpents in the tunnels beneath the crater that used to be the Vatican, sending them out into the world to perform good works. Humanity flourishes beneath your noble works.
...Wait, isn't the warp like outside the Materium? Like an alternate universe? Aren't we uh, supposed to not be affected by those devices? But wait, the warp's formed by the emotional thoughts, but we're also outside of time, like the whole point of the Warp is that there's no actual rules. How would some techno garbage even make a rule like that...Unless, its not really preventing time travel and timeline quackery, but psychically preventing use through the subconscious. Therefore, the concept of "Time travel" is now universally agreed to be impossible, leading to the Warp Not being able to work. Or Tzeentch forgot that by basically having a monopoly on time travel, we technically can do anything with time...Ugh, this is getting confusing.
Also, wait, escape into this dimension? Escape into the materium? Wut. I thought we were supposed to subsume the materium into The warp, or just get all the mortals to really commit change so that all the other chaos gods are subsumed and...Wait, aren't they doing this already? Causing change and chaos throughout time itself?
Damn it, sometimes even being a literal representation of maniacal plotting and chaotic change really isn't enough to parse what your goals actually are. Or how you failed.
Call up some other interdimensional plotters and planners to parse out what the fuck's going on. It's really confusing, and due to being stuck in time out, I don't really have anything else to do. I don't even know why I wanted to do the Quail wars, like wasn't that supposed to defeat the Time Gease and the Duck lords? They got destroyed anyways. Ugh, this is going to be long.
I did read your post but I confess that I didn't understand it.
1
No interdimensional beings appear to explain how any of this works to you. Don't feel bad about it, same thing happened to me. Not even any intradimensional beings. I'm not sure what the aim of the Quail wars was anyway, or what they even were.
4
You fall out of the warp and land on a deserted beach planet, beneath an azure sky, in front of a gentle ocean, on a deckchair, with a cocktail in one hand and a book in the other. Oh well, it doesn't really matter too much. You'll probably do fine. Even though you're a koala.
PRACTICE CHRISTIANITY UNDERSEA UNTIL 70% OF EARTH IS COVERED BY HOLY WATER
RESUME POSTMORTEM ANCHORISM IN THE TITANIC
edit:THE TITANIC MONASTERY IS MAINTAINED BY TAPIR BOILERMEN SKELETONS
3
You sucessfully shape the hermit crab society over the aeons into a contemplative and monastic civilisation. Unfortunately, the wreckage of the Titanic is overrun by aquatic knife-wielding tapirs. So the oceans are holy now. Somewhat problematic with murder sea-tapirs, but very holy.
Go to the distant continent of North America and spread the glory of MY SCIENTIFIC GENIUS to everyone there and revolutionize all of the Americas with the power of SCIENCE!
become POPE of OOLF. along with my WARRIORS OF SUNLIGHT, build a NEW VATICAN, dedicated to the GLORIOUS SUNLIGHT. convert the TECHNOLOGICALLY STAGNANT HUMANS of this world to OOLFISM, and teach them MIRACLES, replacing humanity's reliance on TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENT with the MIRACULOUS POWER OF FAITH.
wherever we meet OTHER SPECIES, graciously SPREAD THE FAITH, while SUPPRESSING THEIR TECHNOLOGY in order to ENSURE THE SUPREMACY OF MIRACLE BUILDS.
use MIRACLES to conjure many SHINY STICKS to give to my most FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS. RULE for MANY YEARS, before PASSING ON to OOLF'S GLORIOUS REALM.
6 v 5
The Science Saint travels to the distant continent of North America, and starts a campaign of glorious science, technologically eradicating the terrifying beasts that roam Canada due to the machinations of the Time Geese. Technology advances there at an alarming rate. The entire continent is converted into a technological utopia, which rapidly succumbs to a grey goo scenario. The advanced AIs built to stop the nanobots take control of them, and convert the stupendous amounts of processed robotic matter into new, bigger AIs. After the AI singularity is reached, humans technologically augment themselves until they are able to control the AIs under the direction of the holy Science Saint, and use them to study the ultimate laws of space and time. After understanding the nature of the universe, the entire continent turns into a spaceship and flies into a black hole the size of a galaxy in order to turn it into a new reality.
This suits the Oolfists down to the ground, which they stay very firmly on, for the most part. The Oolfists construct a wondrous temple to Oolf on the ruins of the Vatican, and start a new major religion, converting almost half of humanity. Technology is abandoned outside of North America, humans instead relying on the power of miracles performed by the numerous divine beings inhabiting earth. The glorious sunlight of Oolf permeates the land, bringing light to the dark places, plenty to the harvest and warmth to all. Many of the intelligent hermit crabs convert to Oolfism, after being shown that the heat of volcanic vents pales in comparison to Oolf's sunlight. Countless shiny sticks are awarded to the faithful, and the first Pope of Oolf rules for many bright and peaceful days.
Just honk and harass a random group of people. We might not control Manchester just yet, but we still gotta uphold our attitude.
2
You get driven out of Manchester by rival gangs, and end up a small time nuisance-goose harassing pensioners in quiet villages.
The next turn will be the last one.
RETREAT BACK INTO RELIGIOUS SECLUSION, LIGHT LOTS OF CANDLES AND PRAY THAT THE ABOVE IS NOT SO
REGARDLESS WHETHER PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED, ALSO ORDER ART SUPPLIES AND REPRISE MY IDEA OF BADASS SERIES OF BIBLICAL COMIC BOOKS/GRAPHIC NOVELS, REINVENTING MAIN CHARACTERS AS HARDBITTEN SUPERHEROES LADEN WITH RIPPLING MUSCLES AND HAVE GRATUITOUSLY VIOLENT SCENES SUCH AS ONE WHERE JESUS SPEAR-TACKLES PONTIUS PILATE THROUGH A SKYLIGHT
3
Your grim and stylish graphic novels gain some popularity, until Marvel buys the movie rights and creates a tame and expurgated film version, disappointing your fans and boring the public. You spend the rest of your days in a cavernous mountain retreat, co-authoring books with young creatives under a variety of pseudonyms.
Continue to corrupt whatever remains of the vatican into Buddhism, through the method of feline seduction. And the pope. The pope will probably be the most useful tool here, but don't forget the cats.
5
You convert the Pope to Buddhism, and turn the anchorite tunnels into a buddhist cat sanctuary. There's a kingdom of stone snakes in the caverns below you, and a temple of Oolf directly above you, but things are looking good for feline Buddhism.
With Milton's help, write a record of these events in epic poetry, and stash emergency copies of it in the Vatican and various hidden bunkers around earth, with cryptic clues leading to them DaVinci-Code-style, that they may be used as advice next time the world is in danger. Retire to a timeless area of the Warp, that we may watch over earth and guard it, unaging, for eternity.
6
Ok, well first off, Milton died, but you rolled a six, so I guess he was affected by the undead rising in the Vatican, or quietly slipped back onto earth while all the Jesuses rose again. The two of you write a huge blank verse record of the events, thousands of pages long, in the form of an epic centred on the various key defenders of the Vatican. Of particular note are the descriptions of abyssal beings, the asides on Oolfist natural philosophy, and the accounts of how the undead bed-musician saw the entirety of human history several times over by jumping into time rifts.
The books written, you conceal them all across earth deep underground and leave an insanely cryptic trail of clues. Far in the future, the events of today forgotten, the clues themselves are discovered and form the basis for the scriptures of an entirely new religion, while the true account itself remains secure in the underground bunkers.
You and Milton then step out of history to contemplate the infinite and watch over earth.
The Vatican has been completely destroyed, replaced with temples of Oolf and Buddhist cat sanctuaries. Catholicism has been absorbed into a new pan-Abrahimic religion. The human picture of the universe has been completely changed by recent events, and all theology must be rewritten. But as the former Catholics find new ways to understand divinity, even learning about new manifestations of the infinite as Oolf or Buddha, and thus deepen their attunement with the universe and their love for others, it becomes apparent that in fact, the Vatican has been saved.
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Topic: ROLL TO ANCHORITE (Read 28476 times)