This is the rather short story of Urist Mc'drunk GLORIOUS bastard who pulled a GLORIOUS RNG feat. So a quick summary Urist was the Millita commander of my fort Echoceilings and lead a squad know simply as "The drunken bastards" for they were effectively just dwarf citizens given a quick swing of our finest brew and sent to drown whatever in their blood. HOWEVER Urist had some skill with pikes (modded so dwarfs of average size could wield them with both hands). Sadly my fort lacked any weapons barring a few axes (there was no wood in my mountains after I cut down the only three there so all woodcutters were turned into miners and their axes were donated to the army), a few crossbows brought by hunters, a silver large dagger brought by a kobold who "donated" it to Echoceilings, how kind for one of his race and a copper two-handed sword. none of these weapons were wielded by the drunken bastards as the guard proper had claimed all of them. So now that you have a general run down here's the story. One fate full day a troll happened to find the entrance to my forts breech into the caverns and began to run amok thankfully only smashing a single door before the bastards found him. So Sending in the drunken bastards first as was protocol they passed the flask and charged head-long Urist Mc'Drunk GLORIOUS bastard (OH btw the squad was "the drunken guard" before this incident) leading the charge as is proper for a dwarf commander, However at some point the rest of the squad charged in the wrong direction. suspiciously toward the tavern, I'm sure THAT was unconnected. So as Urist stopped to take another, longer swig as he didn't need to share he drained it of all the sweet fluid within. At that moment the troll spotted him, bang on its chest and charged Urist, however before it could land a single blow Urist having had his drink interrupted did as any dwarf would in this situation and promptly PUNCHED THE TROLL RIGHT IN THE DICK! A blow to the lower body with his right hand was a gelding strike causing the troll to pass-out from the pain and collapse right before the now ticked-off Urist. After finishing his drink he then decided the best thing to do in this situation would be to kick the thing till help came. Then right before what I'm sure would of been a finishing blow as at this point he'd been wailing on the troll for about 45mins irl one of the fortress guard (one with one of the copper axes) saw the situation and took pity on the troll and put the thing out of its misery via beheading. Urist seeing this decided after breaking both of the dwarf's legs decided to go get a drink at the tavern and sing a tune of his victory. Then I went into justice menu and convicted the guard of his own beatings, let him think about what he's done in the dungeons, shall he.
AND THUS ENDS THE STORY OF URIST THE DRUNK GLORIOUS BASTARD, CHAMPION OF ECHOCEILINGS!!!
Signed ~JH
Author
Topic: Urist Mc'Drunk GLORIOUS bastard (Read 775 times)