I'll put this straight. I am depressed. Not just a little but to the point where I am currently thinking that my passing would be better for everyone around me than me continuing my existence.
Part of this is for my friends that live with me that are on Bay12 so they can know what I am thinking since I found it impossible to tell them face to face at this point.
I have been this way for about three months straight as this depressed and only reason why I am speaking out now is that I am both consciously and subconsciously thinking of ways to be able to pass without too much pain to anyone around me. I feel it would be for the better but also I can look at this from another perspective and that's why I am writing this right now.
Most of the time now I am playing back memories and thinking of how it would have been better if I never had existed. I probably made it worst for everyone around me for living. I REALLY hate myself for it. I had starting to hurt myself in order to keep myself from killing myself for a while now. Ususally its doing things that wont show so no one gets concerned and I make it worse for them. Writing this right now is a task in fighting my insticnt that I'm now putting more misery in the world and should stop but I need to get this out before I finalize my mind.
EDIT>
I had a good talk with my friends. At the moment, I will be locking the thread till I am in a better mindset to unlock it.
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Topic: Hello Darkness my old friend.... (Read 1007 times)