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[milo christiansen]

From: Personnel Services
To: All Employees
Subject: Restroom Privileges
Date: FEB. 8, 1993

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective FEBUARY 8, 1993, a Restroom Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time.

A "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee under this new policy. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip Credit of 20. Restroom Trip credits may be accumulated from month to month.

Within two weeks, the entrances to all restrooms are being equipped with Personnel Identification Stations and computer linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of November, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to Personnel. The voice print recognition will be in operation, but not restrictive for the rest of the month; employees should acquaint themselves with these stations during that period.

If an employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed Paper Roll Retractors. If a stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper in the stall will retract, the toilet will flush, and the stall will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken. The picture will then be posted in the hallway. This is being done to eliminate dillydallying in the restrooms. Anyone's picture showing up three times will be terminated immediately.

If you have any questions about the new policy, please see your supervisor.


The above was posted on the bulletin board at a manufacturing company my father worked for, typed up on an official company memo blank. Needless to say it was a hoax, and the management did NOT get the joke! No one was ever caught, and not for lack of trying, as the management wanted the culprit quite badly (so they could fire him/her).

Of course everyone smart enough to realize it was a hoax (which covered the majority) though it was hilarious, I have to agree with them

I find the "and one under stress" part to be particularly funny, but the "timed Paper Roll Retractors" are a little over the top :p

[penguinofhonor]

LOL!!!!!!!! SENDING THIS TO MY KIDS!!!

[itisnotlogical]

Thing is, I'd totally buy that it was real if it were printed on that colored paper that office-types like.

[milo christiansen]

Change the dates and try it at your workplace!

(if you do post the results here, and make sure you don't get caught)

[LordBucket]

Of course everyone smart enough to realize it was a hoax

In the 90s sure, that would obviously be a joke put up by an employee. If I saw that today, I'm not sure hoax would be my first guess.

[Bouchart]

Change the dates and try it at your workplace!

(if you do post the results here, and make sure you don't get caught)

Don't do it.  People are edgy enough as it.  You'll push someone over the top and he'll just go around shooting people at random.

[Arx]

LOL!!!!!!!! SENDING THIS TO MY KIDS!!!

Fw: Fw: Re: Fw: Funny Story!

You could do something along the lines of the Obvious Plant stuff and add a tiny logo in one of the bottom corners so you have some kind of posterior coverage if people overreact, if you're worried about that kind of thing.

[Culise]

Of course everyone smart enough to realize it was a hoax

In the 90s sure, that would obviously be a joke put up by an employee. If I saw that today, I'm not sure hoax would be my first guess.

Yeah, my sarcasm calibration for corporate or government policy got a bit skewed after that art project about pay-for park benches (with spikes that pop out of the seat after time runs out) got taken all too seriously by a couple municipalities.

EDIT: Typo fix

[Yoink]

Goodness me, that's my birthday.

[SirQuiamus]

"Move over, sonny! I was trolling for suckers on Usenet when all you damp maymay kiddies were nothing but an itch in your poppa's ballsack!"

EDIT: Seems like this meme started doing the rounds sometime in the late eighties. This specific text can't be older than voice recognition software, but I'm pretty sure the basic template is as old as the concept of workplace restrooms.

[Dirst]

One place where I used to work had manufacturing plants spread across several parts of the world, and the plant in Puerto Rico happened to have a bigger-than-average problem with employees taking supplies home.

Eventually, the plant manager called an all-hands meeting.  He held up a roll of toilet paper and said, "Do you know what this is?  I brought it from home, and I suggest you do the same... because there aren't going to be any of these in the bathrooms."

[RedKing]

BYOTP is actually a pretty common thing in large swathes of the world.

Learned that the hard way in China. In a public restroom in the Sanlitun district of Beijing at 2am in the morning while extremely drunk. >_>