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[doublestrafe]

I like to one-up people

Me too.

[NJW2000]

Looking at the kind of ingredients that go into roasts, I think that we now know who the bravest dwarves are. The cooks.

Several hundred hungry dwarves, 50 beefy soldiers, and a dozen liddle kiddies are waiting for you to turn a couple of giant feathered wasp eyeballs, several jars of asparagus wine, a stack of celery stalks and a heap of giant steaming freshly-killed cave spider guts into a delicious and healthy roast.

These people have knives.

[Saiko Kila]

Looking at the kind of ingredients that go into roasts, I think that we now know who the bravest dwarves are. The cooks.

My most valuable stacks of roasts are named "vodka roasts", and consist of vodka ("potato wine" renamed,  because potato wine is lame) and mostly tons of quarry bushes. They are even more valuable - per single piece - than the examples here. Therefore I believe that cooks are not the bravest dwarves, but the most desperate ones. If they had a choice, they would select some booze. If not, then they must use pieces of abominations instead.

[TheHossofMoss]

Heh...

"Next up on Dwarf vs. Food, Urist McRichman takes on the mighty Forgotten Beast Roast... weighing in at a whopping 307 urist! Can he devour it all in one hour? We will see!"

[wierd]

Heh...

"Next up on Dwarf vs. Food, Urist McRichman takes on the mighty Forgotten Beast Roast... weighing in at a whopping 307 urist! Can he devour it all in one hour? We will see!"

"Silence covers the crowd as Urist takes up his knife and fork, and pulls back the cloth covering the monstrous slab of cooked meat. There are murmurs of how this forgotten beast had deadly extract and blood that causes skin to rot off in mere moments,  and how an entire squad was wiped out in the destruction of the fell creature. Urist cuts into the seared blue flesh with his knife, and a communal gasp fills the room. He takes a bite. The air is still and motionless; Urist's eyes roll back in his head, either in ecstasy or from a seizure-- no one knows for sure which, but he continues chewing. He swallows, and sets his fork down. The crowd is paralyzed in anxious anticipation. Will his skin start rotting off? Was it the most delicious thing he has ever eaten? No-one knows.  A split second later, he picks up the napkin from the side of the plate, and dobs at his thick, double-braided mustache, then wipes a tear from his eye.  He raises his tankard of exquisite plump helmet wine into the air, then grabs hold of the brazed-blue meat slab, and begins tearing into it like a wild animal. The crowd jeers!"

[TheFlame52]

Cheers would be a better word there but it doesn't make it any less epic.

[Dunamisdeos]

It's funny, because I didn't read the title as "cooks" at first.

A doodle doo!

Also, you (weird) should dramatize as many more relatively mundane posts as possible. It's amazing.

[TheHossofMoss]

Heh...

"Next up on Dwarf vs. Food, Urist McRichman takes on the mighty Forgotten Beast Roast... weighing in at a whopping 307 urist! Can he devour it all in one hour? We will see!"

"Silence covers the crowd as Urist takes up his knife and fork, and pulls back the cloth covering the monstrous slab of cooked meat. There are murmurs of how this forgotten beast had deadly extract and blood that causes skin to rot off in mere moments,  and how an entire squad was wiped out in the destruction of the fell creature. Urist cuts into the seared blue flesh with his knife, and a communal gasp fills the room. He takes a bite. The air is still and motionless; Urist's eyes roll back in his head, either in ecstasy or from a seizure-- no one knows for sure which, but he continues chewing. He swallows, and sets his fork down. The crowd is paralyzed in anxious anticipation. Will his skin start rotting off? Was it the most delicious thing he has ever eaten? No-one knows.  A split second later, he picks up the napkin from the side of the plate, and dobs at his thick, double-braided mustache, then wipes a tear from his eye.  He raises his tankard of exquisite plump helmet wine into the air, then grabs hold of the brazed-blue meat slab, and begins tearing into it like a wild animal. The crowd jeers!"

That was epic. Thank you for that.

[NJW2000]

We should start a weird dwarven food thread.

[TheFlame52]

I give this thread a light necro to bring you this meal!



It's just four gutted, roasted demon corpses piled on top of each other.

The wiki says dwarves need about 2 units of food per season. I have 210 dwarves in my fort. The roast has 1219 units.

1219 units * 3 months per season / (210 dwarves * 2 food per season) = 8.7 months.

This one roast could feed my entire fortress for nearly nine months.