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[Moogie]

I'm not what you'd call outgoing, or particularly social. I'm not unfriendly, I just have the personal confidence and independance of a piece of fluff. I don't like unfamiliar situations. I'm fine with routine, familiar surroundings are no problem. When push comes to shove, I'm not overly shy talking to people, so it's not that. I just don't trust myself. When I'm stressed, details pass right by me and I don't see them. My brain shuts off if I need to listen to directions. The second I put down the phone, I couldn't recount the conversation I just had-- it's already gone. I was too busy worrying about things. Worry worry stress stress panic.

So here's my struggle: I have never gone to a music gig before, and I've always wanted to experience it. Even if it's just once, being there at a live show. It sounds amazing. There's this thing happening in London in November, and I found tickets... and then my brain immediately came up with a million reasons why I shouldn't go.

First it was, "I can't go on my own". Then I found someone willing to go with me.
Then it was, "But I can't travel 3 hours by train on my own", because I need to have a clear plan in my head of what I'm doing, where to go, what all the possibilities are... without familiarity I am extremely easily lost. Just thinking about it stresses me out.

And then family, feeling sorry for me (that sure helps the self-esteem!) offered to drive me to meet up with the friend I'd go see the show with.

And now I'm like... well shit, I have no more excuses. But I'm still terrified at the prospect.

I don't exactly have the money to be paying for this, but that was never a concern in the first place, so I can't suddenly hide behind that reason. My friend will lead me by the nose if necessary, and I feel completely at ease with that part. I'm fine being lead. I don't like the fact that family is willing to inconvenience themselves to make this happen for me. I'm overwhelmed with appreciation (not to mention quite teary about it), but now the desire to do it is overpowering. It's being offered on a silver platter... just fucking take it already!!

But I'm still scared, and to be quite honest, I'm pissing myself off with this. When I found out about this gig I was REALLY excited about going. I've been really into his music lately, and it'd be one of those memories you hold onto forever, you know? And man, I sure lack those. I never do anything exciting, never step outside my comfort zone. I stay reasonably happy where I am. Sometimes not so much.

Well, truth is, very little comes anywhere close, geographically, or thematically, that even tempts me. Except this. Now I'm tempted. Now I want it. But I challenge myself so rarely, that it still feels like there's a mountain between me and it, despite just how close it is.

So here's my chance. Every wall I imagined in front of me crumbled with the help of friends and family... so why can't I bring myself to say the final 'Okay, I'll go'?

And what sort of replies am I even expecting from this? ...I dunno. I mean, I can probably guess. And maybe all I need to hear is a bit of encouragement, or maybe not... maybe I just needed to offload the anxiety somewhere. I'm going straight to bed after I post this, no second chances to chicken out or second-guess. I want to see how I feel about it in the morning. This whole thing has made me feel pretty darn pathetic, honestly. But deep down, I know it's about more than just going to a sweet gig. It's more important than that. I need to do it just to prove I can. Otherwise, what good am I as a person? For those kinds of stakes, surely it's not so bad to let those who love me help if they want to.

[XXSockXX]

I'd tell you what anybody is probably going to tell you: Just do it.

I can relate to your problem, I actually often feel like that myself (overthinking things), though I don't really let it affect me in a negative way. The thing you lack is basically routine and familiarity with certain situations, which you can only ever get if you are exposing yourself to these situations somewhat regularly. From the way you describe yourself, once you've done it a few times, you will notice that you can do it without major problems, then you will stop consciously thinking about it and once it becomes routine, it will stop being stressful.
For example I always hated answering the phone and advising clients, I got stressed and started rushing and forgetting things. After doing it on a daily basis for a while, I could probably do it in my sleep now.
Not trusting yourself and worrying a lot is not necessarily bad, it shows that you care and try to do things right, which - at a reasonable measure - is actually a good thing. You just need a certain level of routine to stop your consciousness from overloading in alarm mode.
Since you wanna go to a music event, that is supposed to be fun, there probably isn't much that can happen there that could stress you out. All the other people are going there to have fun and they will focus on the event, not on you. So basically you can't do anything wrong anyway.
Also, regrets are the worst. Make lots of cool memories and experience things while you're still reasonably young, otherwise you risk becoming a bitter and disappointed person. There are still plenty of opportunities to sit home alone doing nothing later, so even if you don't feel like it, make some experiences, good or bad.

[Arx]

This is the kind of situation I occasionally find myself in, where I used to find some way to escape. I started asking myself "What do I stand to lose?" instead, and the answer is actually almost always "Nothing of note".

Don't know if that helps you. It's helped me.

[Biowraith]

I see a lot of myself in your post: anything I'm familiar with I can handle just fine, anything unfamiliar creates a lot of anxiety and avoidance on my part on the lead up to it, and once I'm in the situation my brain more or less shuts down, like it's halfway under general anaesthetic (only with an added vague sense of panic).  And so yeah, I plan out everything, even if it's something trivial like going to a shop I've not been to before (I've not bought anything in a shop for about 5 years...).

So going to my first music gig, I had similar anxieties about it.  But in the end, it actually wasn't too big a deal.  Before the show started it was mostly a case of waiting - waiting to get there (I too had someone willing to transport me there), waiting in line to get in, waiting while the security guy checks for weapons, finding a spot to stand and waiting for the show to start.  And once it starts, all that other stuff just fades into the background because you're focused on the band and the music - at this point I can remember very little about the lead up, or indeed the size or layout of the venue, the people round about me, or anything besides the music.

On the final "Okay, I'll go" part, I'd say just get it out there even if you don't really believe you can or are going to do it.  Maybe announce it when you're able to immediately retreat to something more familiar and comforting (or before going to bed, like with this thread).  Then once it's out there, that's it, it's a thing that's actually going to happen now rather than something you're trying to convince yourself of. 

That's how it works for me anyway - I can swither literally for weeks about stuff like this, but if/when I actually say out loud to someone that I'll go/do it it stops being something I'm trying to convince myself of and turns into something that's happening - and I can now plan it all out accordingly.

[Moogie]

Yeah. I knew it internally, the only way to ever get over something like this is to just do it. That's the hard part; taking the plunge.

But I am happy to say... I booked my ticket and am going!

I'm lucky to have people around me who are supportive and willing to be a little inconvenienced to make it easier for me. I still feel bad about that part, but I know this is the best thing I can do for myself. I think they understand that, too. And I would regret it so much if I didn't go.

And so it's happening now, no changing my mind! This is the part where my brain stops thinking about it entirely until about a day before the event. Then it'll be like, "holyshityou'redoingthis" and I will be a wreck of nerves, but I do know this about myself: when it comes to the "sink or swim" moment, I just do it. I won't freak out and have a mental. It's like gliding; standing on the edge is scary, but once you're in the air, there's no choice but to fly!

And with that particularly strong bit of cheese out of the way, I'd just like to thank you guys for the replies, and I'm glad (sort of?) to see I'm not alone with such worries.

[XXSockXX]

Good for you. Have fun!

[dwarf_reform]

I, too, see a bit of myself here Too afraid of screwing something up or saying the wrong thing, or worse, upsetting someone, to really get into something :| I've made many excuses to miss out on new opportunities just so I could sit home and do the same junk I've been doing, and I can honestly say my life is less rich for it..

I think where you and I part paths, far as similarity is concerned, is that you still have good friends "Real, outgoing life" consumed all my friends, or my unwillingness to become an active element in their activities consumed it I have no children; they do. I have very little money; they have more.. I just don't want to go out and have them foot my bills.. Also my old "best friend" is a pretty heavy sports fanatic so we ended up parting ways when I got tired of watching sports on tv, or watching him play sports games on tv, or him trying to drag me to sporting events, all that

So now my life is basically locked into its old repetition I used to think was so great.. I mean, it is still great, but I do dislike that the majority of my life has been lived in the same tiny area with a very small group of people..

Congrats to you for going on with it! I've been to a couple concerts and honestly had no fear (the only fear-instilling element, to me, was the long drive into a big city, which I don't mess with.. Someone else drove) Now after this concerts will become exponentially more familiar and thus less stressful, so maybe you can make a semi-regular habit of this And give your friend/s and family a good squeeze for prying you out of the turtle shell, haha..