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[LordBucket]

Not everyone wants the same things.

[nenjin]

And as long as you don't wait until you're 30 or something where all the good similar aged girls are taken, you'll learn to find more perfect ones with experience.

You do realize you basically just took a dump on anyone 30+ and not married already, right? Like, if you're not hitched and makin' babies or w/e by then, then you're not a "good one."

[Moogie]

I'm sure it wasn't meant like that. "Good one" can mean different things to different people; if you're looking for a babymaker, or someone with youthful beauty, pre-30s is definitely what you'd be aiming for. It's not shallow to seek these traits if they are important to you.

[Cheeetar]

I'm sure it wasn't meant like that. "Good one" can mean different things to different people; if you're looking for a babymaker, or someone with youthful beauty, pre-30s is definitely what you'd be aiming for. It's not shallow to seek these traits if they are important to you.

It's shallow to be shallow. If the traits that are important to you are shallow, then yes seeking them would be shallow.

[Moogie]

Well, maybe I worded that wrong. I just mean that everyone has their own personal standards of what a "good one" is and they are difficult, if not impossible to change. Just like sexual orientation. It's not about being picky or shallow, but it is about finding happiness. Muz suggested that all the girls he/she considers "good ones" are gone by age 30, but that's a personal opinion. It is my assumption that it was used as a general example to aid the point he was making, rather than an absolute statement that nobody would ever find someone over 30 attractive. Of course, Muz is welcome to correct me if I'm defending him for no good reason.

[RedKing]

I'm sorta late into this discussion, but as someone who fucked this up even worse than any of y'all could begin to attempt, let me just voice my agreement towards those who espoused the idea of being open and honest with her first. If she's not into having an open relationship, then you come back to this question. Don't presuppose that she would be against it (unless you've already talked around the subject before).

THEN you can ask yourself which is more important to you. And I'm not going to shame anyone for being afraid to commit to a monogamous relationship at 19. Better to sow your wild oats now and settle down later than to commit to monogamy now and years from now find yourself feeling trapped.

That said, she sounds pretty awesome -- and pretty awesome is difficult to find. Getting laid is nice, but getting laid with someone who you have a genuine connection to is far, far more nice.

[nenjin]

Note: RedKing is not saying "sow your wild oats" in the classical sense. Running around making babies before actually marrying someone isn't sound advice

[Vector]

.

[JonathanCR]

It sounds like the OP is suffering from "grass is greener" syndrome. This is normal.

He's talking about all the amazing parties and casual sex he's going to be enjoying at university. Well, maybe it will be like that, but maybe it won't. He thinks that if he goes there in a relationship, he'll be missing out on these things; but maybe he will even if he's not in a relationship! It's normal, when in a relationship, to think longingly about all the other people you're not able to sleep with and all the things you're not free to do, but your view of these things is distorted. The unfortunate truth is that if you weren't in a relationship, you probably wouldn't be doing all those things anyway.

This is something you learn through bitter experience. The OP simply hasn't learned it yet, and this is no doubt partly because of his youth and partly because he's found himself in a serious relationship at an early age and hasn't had the opportunity to live the single life and see what it's actually like. If you do break up with this girl, it doesn't mean university life will be an endless round of debauched orgies. It just means that you won't be with her.

Similarly, single people often fantasise about what it would be like to be in a serious relationship, and they idealise it, thinking it's all romantic dinners and amazing sex and cycling through the tulips and what-have-you. It isn't, and when they get into a relationship, they have to learn it the hard way. We all imagine that the grass is greener on the other side, but it isn't, it's just different.

Splitting up with someone because you'd prefer to be single is usually a big mistake, because being single isn't actually what you think it is, and so you're making a decision based on faulty information. So I would advise the OP not to do it. However, he's unlikely to take that advice, and perhaps in a way he shouldn't, because the only way you can really know and understand what I've just been saying is to live it. Unfortunately I can't see any way for the girlfriend not to get horribly hurt by that. Overall, the advice many others have given, to talk about it honestly with her, is probably the best start. You may find that doing this strengthens the relationship and makes you not want to leave it after all.

[GlyphGryph]

He's talking about all the amazing parties and casual sex he's going to be enjoying at university. Well, maybe it will be like that, but maybe it won't. He thinks that if he goes there in a relationship, he'll be missing out on these things; but maybe he will even if he's not in a relationship!
[...]
If you do break up with this girl, it doesn't mean university life will be an endless round of debauched orgies. It just means that you won't be with her.

Mind you, College is absolutely full of said opportunities, and if you don't manage at least a few debauched orgies, parties, and occurrences of casual sex, you probably weren't trying very hard for them. After all, you're going to a place that at least a good number of other people are going with similar goals in mind, often for similar reasons.

Of course, memories fade, and most of those experiences are unlikely to really change you as a person. You get a fun night, a decent story, and then... that's really it, in the end, isn't it? Mostly, what you get is what you lose - you don't end up feeling like you missed out. But are you really "missing out" if that's all you earn?

[MitchTheLich]

I gotta say... You'd be a fool to give up a good relationship for the chance at a better one.
IMO, ofc...

[Shazbot]

You end the "perfect" relationship when you go to your grave. I turned down casual sex with a dozen girls at college for chaste fidelity to one red-head from high school. Guess who I'm going to bed with tonight?

[Gentlefish]

Holy necro, batman.