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[kaijyuu]

It's just a form of entertainment. What you're talking about (I hope) is behavioral addiction, which notably can come from anything, from porn, to shopping, to TV, to video games, etc etc. "Too much of a good thing," and all that.

If you really want to talk about the negative effects of porn you should probably look at how exploitative it is toward the models. Most people who act in these things aren't doing so because it's their hobby, but rather because they're desperate and will do most anything for money to pay the bills.

[Robot Parade Leader]

Can we please not talk about ... that....

Should I tell my doctor that I'm having trouble finding a reason to get up in the morning or do anything at all? Are they going to freak out about this and is there something they can really do for me with this? 

[Tiruin]

O_o

Dude, chill.

Doctors (as any profession aligned with benevolence) are there to help. Yes, you should tell your doctor, but to probably help the case, ask him questions regarding what exactly you're curious about, and what you fear.

No, they aren't going to freak out about this--yes there is something they can really do for you about that (though do take in mind, that whatever cure anyone prescribes, the end result has to be work on your part. Conscious action and all.)
I'd say to trust your doctor, however I'd also say that you should try to calm or understand what you fear (or distrust[?]).

[Vector]

Should I tell my doctor that I'm having trouble finding a reason to get up in the morning or do anything at all? Are they going to freak out about this and is there something they can really do for me with this?

Dude, I broke down sobbing uncontrollably in the doctor's office once (they confirmed that I was hallucinating), and all they did was very calmly go down a mental health checklist and refer me to a psychologist.  It will probably be okay.

[Reudh]

I would personally recommend (if SSRIs are not having any kind of effect) a reversible MAOI like Moclobemide / Aurorix. It's what I'm on - it doesn't have nasty dangerous side effects like irreversible MAOIs do, just mild side effects like increased blood pressure upon eating cheese or similar foods high in tyramine.

[Reudh]

Can we please not talk about ... that....

Should I tell my doctor that I'm having trouble finding a reason to get up in the morning or do anything at all? Are they going to freak out about this and is there something they can really do for me with this? 

They're there to help you. If you have problems, go to them.

Also, high blood pressure from cheese?

If this sounds terrible, sorry, but it sounds somewhat amusing to me. An unassuming piece of cheese can give you various problems?

Yep. Irreversible MAOIs act similarly to reversible MAOIs, but the strength and side effects are much more pronounced.

While on an irreversible MAOI (usually used as last ditch depression treatments where all other antidepressants fail), you cannot eat anything with tyramine lest you go into tyramine-related hypertensive crisis.

Cheese has among the most tyramine of any food, and therefore a hypertensive emergency from tyramine is sometimes called a "cheese crisis".

Reversible MAOIs like Aurorix and Moclobemide have a similar, though far less dangerous and severe effect.
If I eat too much food high in Tyramine, I get a severe headache, but that's about it.

[Robot Parade Leader]

Well, I'm on an SSRI I suppose. It tends to help a little like I said. Working with therapist to deal with the more psychological aspects of it....

There are these odd feelings of helplessness that keep coming around. Everything is harder to even start.

I suppose I might call it learned helplessness or something. My mind and body seem to have decided that I'm going to be yelled at/not appreciated/degraded no matter what I do. So somehow my head determined that it was better to not do anything than to do anything if the end result of being degraded is the same either way. I'm fighting this, but it is very difficult. Even the most mundane tasks are oddly so much harder. I realize this state of affairs is harmful to me; it sucks. I go to do anything, even get out of bed, and then I feel like I have to drag myself to do it and doing it seems like drudgery even if it is something I like doing.

I'm overeating. I can have two footlong subs and some snacks in a day and still feel hungry. I'm drinking tons of tea and sprite. Oddly I'm not gaining much weight.

0 interest in anything having to do with sex, at all.

Somehow, I both want to talk to people and don't want to talk to anyone at the same time.... Makes no sense.

It isn't that the drugs aren't doing anything. They are. I will feel happy once in a while, which is wayyy better than not at all. I'm a little scared of adding more drugs and I'm not sure if I should or if I should give the therapy more time before we do that. Doctor and Therapist are asking me what I think about this....

I don't know.

[Shook]

It's okay. Tell them that you don't know, i guarantee you're not the first one to have felt like that. In fact...

There are these odd feelings of helplessness that keep coming around. Everything is harder to even start.

I suppose I might call it learned helplessness or something. My mind and body seem to have decided that I'm going to be yelled at/not appreciated/degraded no matter what I do. So somehow my head determined that it was better to not do anything than to do anything if the end result of being degraded is the same either way.

I've been struggling with something like this for a LONG time now, only recently starting to get better because i had my stress relieved and my faith in humanity restored. To me, it feels like every nerve in my body goes against doing what it is i'm thinking about (at least when it's something out of the ordinary, in which case even saying something new can be difficult), like a giant wave of apprehension washing over me. It is HARD to stand fast against this wave, so i applaud your efforts, especially since you're having it much harder than me. Any little action you take is a victory over the depression, so celebrate that shit with a fist pump!

Also, if you haven't already told your doctor and therapist about these things, then consider doing so. They're actually in a position to help you beyond reassuring words (although if need be, we will gladly provide more of such words), and well... It helps to get things out on the table. They'll know what there is to work with, and you no longer have to bear the burden on your own. People will support you through this.

On a side note, Boggle the Owl may be a nice thing for you. The blogger herself suffers from long-time depression, and it is incredibly heartwarming how much love she can pour out despite of it. I know that just reading some words may only be of temporary comfort, but... It's comfort, right?

By the way, is something in particular stressing you? Because i know from hard-earned experience that stress can and will bring you towards and into depression, along with a host of other mental and physical problems.

[Robot Parade Leader]

Yeah, I think I'm going to have to tell them, and at some point reach some decision, even if that's to just do what they recommend.

Thank you for your support, it really helps. I guess focusing on what I can and calling it a victory is much better than doing nothing comparatively.

Boggle the Owl seems quite nice. Thank you for that.

As for particular things stressing me, everything. I can't order my thoughts because I am overwhelmed by them. I've also been put down HARD by pretty much everybody and it makes me think my skills and even who I am is worthless. It's the constant rejection after working so hard to avoid that. I get huge anxiety when even thinking about my problems. I try to think of solutions instead; it is massively hard to even think of solutions, much less to put them into practice, because my brain keeps switching to the negative. I can't even talk or think about it without my stomach acting up badly. Mostly I have to distract myself from problems to get through the day and get as much done as I can manage. I feel pathetic.

The progressive muscle relaxation has helped me quite a lot though. At least I can sleep again.

Thank you again.

[Shook]

I am only glad to be of help! c:

As for particular things stressing me, everything. I can't order my thoughts because I am overwhelmed by them. I've also been put down HARD by pretty much everybody and it makes me think my skills and even who I am is worthless. It's the constant rejection after working so hard to avoid that. I get huge anxiety when even thinking about my problems. I try to think of solutions instead; it is massively hard to even think of solutions, much less to put them into practice, because my brain keeps switching to the negative. I can't even talk or think about it without my stomach acting up badly. Mostly I have to distract myself from problems to get through the day and get as much done as I can manage. I feel pathetic.

This sounds A LOT like you're suffering from severe stress. Like, really totally a lot. That's pretty much exactly how i felt when my stress was at its worst, all down to my stomach acting up as well. You sound a lot like a me who has had it much worse, and i'm terribly sorry to hear that. Please, if you haven't already, tell your therapist about this, because such levels of stress are serious, and sound like a very likely cause of depression to me*. I reserve the right to be wrong, but quite honestly, i think that this stress and possibly mindset is wreaking havoc in your system.

I know it's extremely difficult to convince oneself otherwise, but you're not worthless, and neither are your skills, creations or anything otherwise made or done by you. Hell, even your poop is good fertilizer, so that's not worthless either. Your breath? Rich in CO₂, which plants will love you for. But you know what's most important? Not the opinions of others. I KNOW it hurts to be put down, it hurts me to an almost pathological degree, but one the most important parts of being alive is to at least be okay with yourself and what you do. Getting put down by others hurts, but putting yourself down is a vicious circle (but please, don't put yourself down over putting yourself down). A lot of people struggle with this (me included), but remember, you're the one who you can be entirely sure that you have to live with for the rest of your long life. Don't be afraid to think "I am awesome and this is awesome", because what you think is not of anyone elses concern, and for the most part, it's a lot more true than you think. Likewise should the thoughts of others not concern you overly much either, at least not beyond curiosity, because that's a source of stress as well.

It's awesome to hear that you're getting better, depression is a really bad thing that nobody should have to deal with. Keep on trucking, mate!

* Disclaimer: I'm not an educated doctor or anything close to that, merely going by own experience.

i seriously hope my ramblings aren't making things worse

[Tiruin]

^
That.

That thing on worth.

I am...honestly, pretty disgusted at [Many people] who dictate another's worth in a condescending way without at all trying to help them in any manner or form (I mean, sure, for me, I'd be happy if someone called me "worthless" [not directly but implied] but then tried to help me out of it with an open mind...) just because they seem 'worthless', given how many things of worth are dictated by people themselves. :v
It's just...ugh. An illusion that seems like a fact to many because of how pervasive the idea is...and it's a totally wrong idea.

[Robot Parade Leader]

It really does amaze me how much people invest in tearing each other down. I appreciate you guys being supportive. I didn't know that was a thing on the internet.

I have this odd thing where I either have no self esteem in my abilities anymore or I think people are just so abusive that they'll tear me down no matter how right I may be. I don't know when it happened, but it seems like the net's anonymous hate translated into real life at some point. It seems nobody is ever happy with what people do anymore. Even getting a job is insane.

I'm trying to convince myself that I have worth, that people criticizing me aren't correct in doing so, etc.

I used to do things. I used to have a ton of imagination and drive and now it doesn't seem I do anymore, or at least I'm scared of even writing anything down or drawing anything, because a.) It'll be seen as not good enough / torn apart, and b.) It won't live up to the idea of it I have in my mind (which is about all I've got sometimes).

I do feel a little better than I did before, but I still don't know if I'm up to what I was before. It's very frustrating. I know I have to do better. I want to do better. Even in instances where i know how to do better, I can't bring myself to do it. I'm just tired and worn out.

[Tiruin]

I have this odd thing where I either have no self esteem in my abilities anymore or I think people are just so abusive that they'll tear me down no matter how right I may be. I don't know when it happened, but it seems like the net's anonymous hate translated into real life at some point. It seems nobody is ever happy with what people do anymore.

Constant exposure and reinforcement is my best bet :/
When you return hate with hate, it soon becomes the norm if chosen to be accepted, or with lacking alternative in saying otherwise. It isn't good.

I used to do things. I used to have a ton of imagination and drive and now it doesn't seem I do anymore, or at least I'm scared of even writing anything down or drawing anything, because a.) It'll be seen as not good enough / torn apart, and b.) It won't live up to the idea of it I have in my mind (which is about all I've got sometimes).

Just do it.
It's not that it doesn't seem you do--you do, it's there. It isn't 'still' there. It always is there. Just...repressed(?)
^{Translating words is :I}
Fear.
Does fear create? I wonder if it does, in this context.
Just do it, and you'll be all the happier. Present it: And you may be surprised at the reactions. There will be good ones.

I do feel a little better than I did before, but I still don't know if I'm up to what I was before. It's very frustrating. I know I have to do better. I want to do better. Even in instances where i know how to do better, I can't bring myself to do it. I'm just tired and worn out.

As my ol' grandmother said, do what you love doing and don't let fear stop you. It's like you stopping yourself then being :< at the results...
Y'know, fear, hinder us when we do bad things and not from doing something and then coming in when we try to interpret what others think.

Not everyone in the world will criticize and destroy.

[Robot Parade Leader]

One of the major problems that I personally have is that a lot of people will criticize. I don't know how to deal with them.

Coping mechanisms. I don't have enough or effective ones. Personal, flaw of mine.... Need to fix.

How do you deal with them, people that is? I find it is a lot like anon hate online, but spilling over into the real world.