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[Zanzetkuken The Great]

I'm busy writing a fanfiction, and I'm currently trying to have a weary DF dwarven adventurer describe the world of Dwarf Fortress to someone of another world.  Problem is, I can't think of how to describe all of the dangers, so, please help me.

Edit: Preferable said like the dangers were nothing major.

[CaptainLambcake]

Well if you aren't dealing with those goblins, you'll probably be seeing dragons, rocs, hydras, and all sorts of large creatures.  Anything you can imagine, really.  If you want to see some real creepy stuff, try looking underground.  Of course, if you want company, just go out at night alone and sleep. 

[Talvieno]

Off the top of my head.

"Eh, well, you know, you have the goblins, and dragons and such - you probably get those, I'm guessin'. Well, I've seen a couple dragons - right big ones, they were - breathed fire and all that. But, a bridge fell on one of 'em, and the other, a marksdwarf shot it in the toe and it passed out. It stayed unconscious for well-on nigh a week, I reckon. We could've walked right up to it and had engravers take a rendition of an image of us straddlin' the poor beast's neck, but nay, we weren't gonna get near it, no sir. No matter how many socks there were out there. After a while, one of our recruits went up and bashed it in the head with a crossbow because he'd forgotten the bolts at the barracks and it damn near brained the darn thing. You ever smelled a good bar of Dragon Soap? Aye, laddie, if you ain't, you don't know what you're missin'."

[neblime]

Evil biomes are pretty.. well, terrifying, after all.
you cut up a zombie into 10 pieces and all of them are still trying to kill you.  Especially the hair.
Some fog, that doesn't sound so bad.  oh wait, all your friends who went in the cloud now want to kill you and everything alive in this world.  And they're twice as strong. 
If you haven't ever faced a zombie sperm whale, or god forbid a zombie giant sponge, I envy you.

The humans of the dwarf fortress world may seem friendly, but if you kick one of their chickens out of their way they will all rush out and knife you.  even the children.  ESPECIALLY the children.

Every animal you may have ever been afraid of, there is a giant version of it in the dwarf fortress world.

now your fellow dwarves, they aren't the safest fellows either;
do you work as a brewer? that's nice.  Now please recieve 50 hammerstrokes for not making some armor stands for the mayor.
If you're lucky enough to avoid the hammerstrokes you get to be chained in the jail for a couple months.  With no food or water.
You might just be chatting away with your friend one moment, the next he looses a roaring laughter, and you're a table.
anyone could be a vampire, just waiting to suck your blood.

[Zanzetkuken The Great]

Evil biomes are pretty.. well, terrifying, after all.
you cut up a zombie into 10 pieces and all of them are still trying to kill you.  Especially the hair.
Some fog, that doesn't sound so bad.  oh wait, all your friends who went in the cloud now want to kill you and everything alive in this world.  And they're twice as strong. 
If you haven't ever faced a zombie sperm whale, or god forbid a zombie giant sponge, I envy you.

The humans of the dwarf fortress world may seem friendly, but if you kick one of their chickens out of their way they will all rush out and knife you.  even the children.  ESPECIALLY the children.

Every animal you may have ever been afraid of, there is a giant version of it in the dwarf fortress world.

now your fellow dwarves, they aren't the safest fellows either;
do you work as a brewer? that's nice.  Now please recieve 50 hammerstrokes for not making some armor stands for the mayor.
If you're lucky enough to avoid the hammerstrokes you get to be chained in the jail for a couple months.  With no food or water.
You might just be chatting away with your friend one moment, the next he looses a roaring laughter, and you're a table.
anyone could be a vampire, just waiting to suck your blood.

Originally had an expanded version of Lambcake's, but this (with some minor editing for flow with the rest of the story) works better, in my opinion.

[Talvieno]

I guess I focused too much on this part. lol

Edit: Preferable said like the dangers were nothing major.

[Zanzetkuken The Great]

I guess I focused too much on this part. lol

Edit: Preferable said like the dangers were nothing major.

Well, it wouldn't work with the setting too well, since there are sentient dragons there, plus wanting more than just one danger...

[MDFification]

I think it's worth noting that all that keeps anyone who's not a trained fighter alive each night is a locking door or a campfire. Ever-present bogeymen are horrifying.

[Loud Whispers]

'You don't go alone, no. That's bad, people die like that. Likot just up and went last week, hunting giant leopards and then just one day disappeared. You go to the wilds, bring a crossbow and bring friends. If you're leaving town because Gorespires the Colossus is destroying your town, join a Fortress - the Lords of big cities attract vampires and the wroth of the Gods, Fortresses are safer. Except when the goblins arrive... Or when the digging begins. The cursed lands are bad, but boy do you not want to see what crawls underneath...'

[Fniff]

"You hear about folks going into the forest or the hills or the desert saying they kill that night troll that kidnapped a few people years back, but you'll never hear of them again. Either the boogeymen get them or the wolves get them or the bandits get them or even the night troll gets them. However, those folks are stupid. It's when trained expeditions fail is when you start worrying. Occasionally you hear about seven dwarf expeditions heading out into the wilds and never come back. Caravan comes there to find an empty hole in the dirt, or a few sheds covered in blood, or just an overturned wagon. Corpses are rarely found, but sometimes when you do find them they're walking. Even when the fort has been around for years, you hear about a breaching of the caverns or the finding of that precious metal adamantium, and then total silence. We've learned to not send rescue parties to the fortresses that report things such as that... It would be a waste to expect them to find survivors or let alone come back alive.

"You might as well sit inside of your apartment which barely allows one meager wood bed and a cabinet then step outside in the wider, more fearsome world. For there is no grand adventure there, no amazing discoveries or beautiful wonders... Only death, and maybe the sort of justice that comes at the end of a blade or an arrow."

[Baffler]

-snip-

That's a grim (but accurate) description if ever I heard one.

[Loud Whispers]

"You hear about folks going into the forest or the hills or the desert saying they kill that night troll that kidnapped a few people years back, but you'll never hear of them again. Either the boogeymen get them or the wolves get them or the bandits get them or even the night troll gets them. However, those folks are stupid. It's when trained expeditions fail is when you start worrying. Occasionally you hear about seven dwarf expeditions heading out into the wilds and never come back. Caravan comes there to find an empty hole in the dirt, or a few sheds covered in blood, or just an overturned wagon. Corpses are rarely found, but sometimes when you do find them they're walking. Even when the fort has been around for years, you hear about a breaching of the caverns or the finding of that precious metal adamantium, and then total silence. We've learned to not send rescue parties to the fortresses that report things such as that... It would be a waste to expect them to find survivors or let alone come back alive.

"You might as well sit inside of your apartment which barely allows one meager wood bed and a cabinet then step outside in the wider, more fearsome world. For there is no grand adventure there, no amazing discoveries or beautiful wonders... Only death, and maybe the sort of justice that comes at the end of a blade or an arrow."

You back away from the lye maker, as you notice him shuffle a bag full of unicorn noses and vampire blood away from you with his foot.

[kiwiphoenix]

On the topic of evil biomes:

"Slow down, now, that stuff'll rot your legs off if you're not careful. Put some socks on first. Can't wait for winter, I can't, easier to manage when frozen. Gets everywhere in summer, leakin' through all the crannies.
Kun lost all her cats to the rot, y'know. Pitched a fit 'cause of it, but she calmed right down when the Sheriff broke 'er nose, haha!
Blighters tracked it in the wine cellar, too, so guess who they had move all the barrels? Nevermind that I could have been making the finest damn soap this side of the Mountainhomes! No respect for art 'round here.
Speakin' o'which, did y'ever see the gauntlet I made? Well, they say I did, 'tleast. 'tween you and me, I can' remember a thing. Just shut me eyes for a moment, and next thing you know, it's three months later and I got a million-idr'th gauntlet in your hands.
May've outdone meself a bit, come t'think of it, 'cause a bunch've goblins turned up the next year. Word gets 'round quick! Scary, it was, but it rained on'em and they all melted. Made me job easy, could nearly pour 'em into the bodypit. Speakin' of which, nevermind the noises, they get restless from time to time.
Anyway, y'coming to the party? Come on, y'could meet me wife! Gave birth just last week, you know, to a beautiful little lad. Looked just like her, shame he died of the rot. Still, he fought hard, made us proud. Next one'll be luckier, can feel it in me bones.
Oh, it's Uben. Keeps me in a job, he does - bless him, lye-makin's thankless work. Oi, Uben! You going to the party? You know what they're serving? Tallow again? Damn... ah, but where are me manners? Uben, I'd like you to meet...."