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Author Topic: Friend keeps asking for advice, but won't listen. What do I do?  (Read 3893 times)

Talvara

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Re: Friend keeps asking for advice, but won't listen. What do I do?
« Reply #45 on: March 22, 2014, 05:48:03 pm »

A practical thing he could do is build a wired connection into his nieces room, It kinda depends if he's allowed to drill holes. just get a lan cable and wire her machine into the router. there might also be other hardware options for improving the wireless connection.

Its not really a solution to the social issues, seeing as it sounds like they should be praising him like a god for bringing in the bacon and allowing them to live in his home. but its pretty obvious that those facts are being taken for granted and mineralised out of existence.

The healthy thing to do sounds like to get some distance from his family but that is his call to make. maybe contact with his dad could help seeing as it sounds like he was in a similar situation and for self preservations sake had to be 'selfish'.

But the priority should be to secure his lively-hood since it sounds unlikely that 'kicking them out' is a valid option.

(anyway I'm not at all qualified to say anything really, but at the very least I can say I hope your friend will be able to secure his own happiness and that you won't have to worry for his sake.)
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Greiger

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Re: Friend keeps asking for advice, but won't listen. What do I do?
« Reply #46 on: March 22, 2014, 06:44:18 pm »

He got the internet in his name now and he did manage to get them to talk about it with his father around as well.  Though I don't know the details of what happened, apparently his dad is a strong mediating force in some way or another.  It sounds like they just came around to saying 'sorry we'll try to be better'.

From everything I've heard I doubt it will last, but it seems to have cheered him up a bit, and that's a victory if anything.

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Tiruin

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Re: Friend keeps asking for advice, but won't listen. What do I do?
« Reply #47 on: March 22, 2014, 09:44:33 pm »

He got the internet in his name now and he did manage to get them to talk about it with his father around as well.  Though I don't know the details of what happened, apparently his dad is a strong mediating force in some way or another.  It sounds like they just came around to saying 'sorry we'll try to be better'.

From everything I've heard I doubt it will last, but it seems to have cheered him up a bit, and that's a victory if anything.
Sans the doubt...YAY :)) Nobody got kicked out~
We should all talk to dad for that.
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martinuzz

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Re: Friend keeps asking for advice, but won't listen. What do I do?
« Reply #48 on: March 23, 2014, 11:08:44 am »

Have you ever considered that maybe your friend shares his family's most noticable trait, namely being manipulative?
It seems he got you somewhat distressed about his situation, even asking for help on forums on his behalf,
while he is not actually doing anything that you have suggested to him before, except saying 'I might try that'. Correct me if I'm wrong.


Now I am not saying that his situation is healthy, at all.
It looks like there's a bunch of people in that house with a distressing lack of empathy, or ability to take responsibility for their actions, or inactions.
That can and will only degenerate into a black, depressing, downward spiral, where everyone reinforces the other's behaviour.


Perhaps the very best thing you can do, is instead of giving your friend well meant advice, that he probably will not follow up on anyways,
tell him, how his constant complaining, combined with his apparent lack of initiative to really do something with whatever advice you give him, freaks you out, and makes you feel bad, and that that troubles you.
It can be an eyeopener for some people (especially borderline manipulative personalities) to hear someone else speak out loud, how their behaviour makes you feel.


Tell him you do not want to hear anymore of his complaints, until he can show that he actually is taking action to solve the issue.


Best thing for him, in my opinion, is to kick out his niece with a month's notice, to at least give her a chance to find something, and strongly encourage his mother to find her own place as well.
Cause as some people said before, this current situation can only escalate.


If you do manage to get him to take action, it's a good first step in learning him to reflect on the consequences of his own actions and inactions. He'll thank you for it later.
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Tiruin

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Re: Friend keeps asking for advice, but won't listen. What do I do?
« Reply #49 on: March 23, 2014, 11:28:35 am »

Given how it occurred, I wonder what his dad said.

Could you ask, Grieger (and say what well-worded statements martinuzz said)?
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