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[Sbcc]

The night, so devilish in it's appearence, so lovely in it's grandeur of evil.  The night gives me the strength, the strength to do my deeds.  These deeds, not like most, have to be done, for my evil must exist, for if we did not, your miserable lives would have no meaning, for what is life without fear of death, and pain.  So here I am, my evil even is of something that my own self can't believe that this is necessary, but I have no choice, my soul has been sold, my mind controlled, my self a vessel for evil.  For my job is to be a child of the night, the prince of darkness, so help me God, for my life is damned. For no one can save me now.
       I looked at the small well, how could I have been so stupid not to bring the bucket up.  Miss Hander would kill me if she found this out.  As I ran to pull up the bucket, I heard in the distance a loud yell.  It was Miss Hander, I could barely understand it but it sounded like she needed my help.  I let the bucket drop down the well, and I ran to the old cottage.  I saw the door was open, I could hear Miss Hander humming a tune.  I ran inside, and saw her making some Dariage.  I went over to her, and said,"You called, milady"  She turned around, her appron soiled with brown greese spots.  "Here take these to Jakeri as fast as you can, and after that, go to the barn, and fix that bustes door" She ordered me as she gave me the dariages.  As I hurried off I could hear her yell "Hurry back before night, it is not safe!"  I knew this already, but why after hearinf that same thing a hundred times, that it now have a meaning.  I soon saw Jakeri's house.  The sun now setting.                                                                   
                                                                                       

[freeformschooler]

so lovely in it's grandeur of evil

Improper "it's"

The night gives me the strength, the strength to do my deeds

Commas are weird in poems. I'd say take it out and use a line break.

din't

Try again.

for what is life without fear of death, and pain.

Quotation mark should be right next to your shift key.

even my own self can't

Extremely awkward. Use "I" instead.

my soul has been sold, my mind controlled

I like this rhyme. "My soul now sold, my mind controlled..." would give an even syllable count for each phrase.

Proofread, mate! If you're gonna post something to the Internet (for all to see and judge you by), wouldn't you want to put a little work in? I'm not even sure what the text's supposed to be. The errors everywhere are a bit too distracting.

[Sbcc]

Everything I did was for a certain feel, it is written in the way he talks.  Thanks for the corrections, also it's is okay in informal writing, which this is.

[Sbcc]

also, i don't really write with rhyme usually, and i do it by chance if i do

[freeformschooler]

Everything I did was for a certain feel, it is written in the way he talks.  Thanks for the corrections, also it's is okay in informal writing, which this is.

Actually, no, improper "it's" is a fundamental grammar error (no matter the formality). "The night" possesses "grandeur of evil."

http://garyes.stormloader.com/its.html

[Sbcc]

actually it is right because it is a thing and it is describimg what it is doing, anyways, i took it out

[freeformschooler]

actually it is right because it is a thing and it is describimg what it is doing, anyways, i took it out

Correct in theory but incorrect in practice. Even just from the link:

If you can replace it[']s in your sentence with it is or it has, then your word is it's; otherwise, your word is its.

Let's look at the sentence with "it is:"

The night, so devilish in it is appearence, so lovely in it is grandeur of evil.

Obviously wrong. Let's try the other one.

The night, so devilish in it has appearence, so lovely in it has grandeur of evil.

"It's" is therefore improper grammar. There is no shame in accepting this.

Onto the second paragraph...

I saw the door was open, I could hear Miss Hander humming a tune

"Hurry back before night, it is not safe!"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Run-on_sentence

I went over to her, and said,"You called, milady"

go to the barn, and fix that busted door"

Pedantry: quotation marks cannot end a sentence alone. A correct form would be: "You called, milady?"

appron

greese

http://www.spellcheck.net

"Here take these to Jakeri as fast as you can"

Ironically, for all the extra, unnecessary commas in this script, you're missing one here.

but why after hearinf that same thing a hundred times, that it now have a meaning.

This is so grammatically incorrect that I am struggling to find the correct Wikipedia article to describe the primary error. You can get by if you replace the second "that" with "would." Also, read the page for run-on sentences, and spell check.

The sun now setting.

You're missing a "was" (or "is?" You might have some tense stability issues).

[Sbcc]

Yees I make alot of mistakes, i'm quite tired, im the morning ill fix all of it, and have it dont by 8pm central time