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[Imperfect]

I realized something pretty weird today.

I was walking absent-mindedly around in the kitchen when an idea struck me: "Let's try to discover a new recipe on my own! What happens when you slice up apples and bananas and throw them on a frying pan?" I almost reached for an apple, but then I backed off. Some alarm in my head went off: "Don't do that, your brother and his girlfriend are in the house too, they could walk in on you and ask all those annoying questions about what are you doing and you'll have to explain it and they'll look at you weird and all that." And back off I did. For some reason, I found the prospect of somebody inquiring about my questionable cooking practices gut-wrenching, so I retreated back to the safety of my computer with a meal that could be obtained without raising any suspicion and started thinking about what just happened, trying to point out which other decisions have been influenced by this fear of people asking annoying questions, or for that matter, why do I mind them so much. I have to admit I got more questions than answers. This is what I came up with:

1. This (until recently subconscious) fear of people asking annoying questions influenced a lot of my decisions, ranging from super important to kind of important, like whether I want to change high school(there were other factors there, too. 22 now, so too late to do anything about it, but I should have switched), whether to start riding a bycicle to the 2km away bus station every morning or continue to walk, or whether to try diffrent styles of clothing or sticking with jeans and t-shirts. None of them were of the kind when I was choosing from several options, each with large consequences. They were more like "Do this instance of a not really crucial thing that you do every day the same as before or do it differently and have people comment on it?" I always went for the routine option.

2. Did you notice soemthing similar in your own life as well? It's always reassuring to know that I'm not the only crazy person here.

3. What's the name of this thing? Did anyone describe and named this phenomenon? I have to read up more about this.

[Lectorog]

You're afraid of people judging you poorly. If it turns out to be a mistake, they'll see you negatively; and that'll influence their perception of you more than all the normal stuff you do. You don't want to stand out in a bad way.

I have this feeling a lot and ignore it.

[freeformschooler]

Alternately, you don't want to have to mentally prepare an explanation and justify your out-of-the-norm actions. It's pretty normal. Just ignore it.

[weenog]

If I'm doing something new or different, and somebody asks me what the hell I'm doing, I tell 'em "Science."  If they press, maybe give me a hard time about not taking notes or using specialized equipment, I quote xkcd: "'Ideas are tested by experiment.' That is the core of science. Everything else is bookkeeping."

[Jelle]

3. What's the name of this thing? Did anyone describe and named this phenomenon? I have to read up more about this.

Hmm I'm sure there's many names, and many aspects to consider. The concept of peer pressure seems like a good place to start. Or social inflluence in general.

[Shook]

Oh man, i'm not the only one being practically petrified when thinking about breaking the routine? This exact feeling is what kept my love of drawing/doodling as a secret to my meatspace friends and family for years. It's also what's currently preventing me from saying "hey i want to learn how to play flute and/or keyboard" and then subsequently doing it. This feeling has tormented me a lot, in fact. It's not nearly as prevalent when i'm hanging around with people on the internet, but it's there like a fucking sasquatch stepping on my balls when i'm around people in real life. I think it might stem from back when i got bullied, since i back then did as much as i could to evade the attention of my tormentors, which included doing absolutely nothing new, since they'd notice that immediately and start pestering me about it. That train of thought has sadly stuck with me, so now i'm pretty much afraid of... How to put it, doing things that people haven't seen me doing before? It's really quite crippling.

With that said, the few times i've mustered the courage to work past this fear are also pretty much all high points in my life. I KNOW it can be ridiculously hard, but try to ignore the feeling. I like to try putting myself in the others' place before doing something; if you saw someone frying apples and bananas, what would you think? If you're like me, you'd probably be curious, mixed with a bit of "lolwut". If you just say you're experimenting though, they might even join in.

[mek42]

There is a societal pressure to be a good little sheep.  However, sheep don't lead the herd.  We wouldn't be having this conversation if folks like Edison, Tesla, Einstein or even Toady hadn't gone against convention.  My own personal world would be a bit less if Toady had done pure math research or become a quant (finance) instead of writing DF.  Taking Einstein as an example though, there are very, very few people who are so important that they are allowed to not remember how to get to their home.  Point being, most non-conventional types need to maintain a certain minimum of convention in order to be able to be unconventional.  Only a very, very few unconventional types have their convention needs provided to by others.

[Anvilfolk]

He's not defying the world or breaking social boundaries here though. And he certainly doesn't need to be a groundbreaking scientist to be able to fry bananas. This seems to be more about being slightly non-standard and the way people react to that.

My take on it is this: if you're going to care about that, you might as well become another belieber, buy the latest fashion and be empty headed. Otherwise, gain confidence by doing what you want to do. Then relish the things that work out and learn from those that don't.

Heck, people have made fun of the games I play, the music I listen to, the way I dress, my social awkwardness, and my overall tastes for my entire life. They still do. However, I am now confident enough that I can react to that simply by grinning, further annoying them with MORE tales of whatever I'm doing, and laughing about it. Accept it's non-standard... really, so what? If I were to stop doing things because people would be cynical, skeptical or otherwise mildly against it, I'd do nothing...

Seriously, life is amazing. Make the best of it - and if you feel that includes trying out fried bananas and apples, try them! My latest discovery has been honey graham crackers with hummus. Omnomnomnom.

[Octobomb]

I found a way of combatting feelings like that is enthusiasm.
"What are you making?"
"Food!"
"Why?"
"Hungry!"
I'm very fond of routine too. But I am stubborn, of the 'I'm going to do whatever the hell I want and I'm not going to let 3000 years of convention or practically get in my way' type. In fact, fried apple and banana sounds great. I know for a fact apple is good with peanut butter. Jam is good with banana. The Americans tell me peanut butter and jam is a good thing. Raisins go well with all of that. There is much !!SCIENCE!! to be done on the credibility of toast and peanut butter and raisins and jam and banana and apple together, methinks, possibly with added bacon. But no frying. I'm far too lazy to wash up the pan.

Do it. Go and cook some fried fruit, and tell us what it tastes like - just for the sake of having done so, if it be good or bad. Cooking is great for this kind of experimentation - if you ignore baking - it tends to be very open to experimentation. I will be investigating the possibility of the aforementioned toast. Indeed, peanut butter and chilli noodles, a firm family favourite, wound up like that.

Of course, don't be afraid to apply other great ideas. If there's nothing on the menu I really like, or the portions are too big, I'll order just a plate and cutlery, then help myself to everyone else's.

Hopefully my rambling hasn't bored you. I'm hungry.

[Imperfect]

I think it might stem from back when i got bullied, since i back then did as much as i could to evade the attention of my tormentors, which included doing absolutely nothing new, since they'd notice that immediately and start pestering me about it. That train of thought has sadly stuck with me, so now i'm pretty much afraid of... How to put it, doing things that people haven't seen me doing before?

Hmm, I think you might just have nailed it, at least for my case. That's almost the same as my school years. I wasn't really bullied, though, my high school classmates were more of a simple nuisance. Well, just some of them were, to be fair. But I too have spent a good deal of my formative years knowing that doing anything out of the ordinary will invite a week's worth of inside jokes, inquiries about the change, ape-like noises, and blatant questions about my sexual life followed by an outburst of laughter no matter what answer I provided, all repeated over and over and over and over and over. Oh, the horror when I once had to buy a new pair of shoes. They immediately took notice, soon discovered a sexually-themed wordplay on the name of the brand and it followed me like a skunk's smell for a whole week until they finally became bored of it. And there was no escape. All I could do was endure it for the day and look forward to the moment when I could finally crash in front of my computer, finally unpestered and alone.

I guess this is where it stems from. Being locked up with a bunch of teenagers with nothing to do all day every day apparently doesn't bide well to one's mental health. Good that I finally have its origins pinpointed, I must do away with this ruinous habit, and the more I know about it, the better.

[miauw62]

I have this a lot, and it really prevents me from doing new stuff. I hate being asked "Why?"

[Anvilfolk]

The trick is to stop caring about what other people think about you!

I decided I'd be all about functionality and nothing about appearances this new year, but a friend decided to put that to the test. I basically get insanely bored if I'm not doing anything, so walking to school, in 20m, is the worst thing in the world if I'm not reading.

But now it's winter, and it gets dark early. So I decided to use my cellphone's flashlight to light my book and read on my way home anyway... looking like a complete moron.

Except now my friend gave me something like this, which frees up my hand:

Spoiler: HEAD FLASHLIGHT (click to show/hide)

So now, I can either look like an idiot and use my cellphone flashlight, or look like THE mega-idiot and use a head flashlight while walking home.

I'm gonna do it, and everybody's going to make fun of me, but the joke's on them because I get to read while on the way home, and the hand I'm not using gets to stay warm in its pocket.



Also: people making fun of you gets a little better once you get older, but the main thing is confidence. Seriously, why does it matter what other people think of you? Honestly, if they think less of you because you're frying bananas, they're not worth hanging around.

[Moogie]

What most worriers (including myself) seem to forget is that other people spend very little time thinking about other people. What might be a big deal to you is just a passing blip in their day. Sure, you might get a funny look, but they'll have forgotten all about it in five minutes-- too busy thinking about things that matter to them.

It's easier with strangers: just remember, whatever they see you doing, you'll likely never encounter that person again. And even if you did, they probably won't remember/recognize you. They saw like 100 other people on their way home that day, some of them doing really weird things. Your slightly-less-than-completely-usual activity would not rank.

With friends or relatives, they're likely to remember and maybe comment about it later, especially if you're known for staying strickly status-quo. You can just tell them you're trying new things. If it helps, tell a white lie and say you read about it online and figured you'd give it a go-- even if it's something you thought of independantly. If it's a new or different lifestyle activity, say your doctor recommended a change, for health reasons. It's highly unlikely they'll think negatively about it, and somewhat likely that they'll think (or even say) "hey that's cool you're trying new things!" ...but even then, it won't occupy the rest of their day like it will yours.