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[Schmaven]

...an iron splint?! I'm trying to outfit 50 soldiers with only 25 bars of metal and Urist McFarmer decides to raid the steel production pipeline to make a splint?!

I don't care that you've claimed this as a family heirloom, Urist McFarmer, I'm trading it to the elves when their caravan arrives next spring!

Don't do it! 

I had an injured dwarf use their crutch as a club to kill several creatures.  I suspect an arm with a heavy pig iron splint attached would prove a deadly weapon as well on the right dwarf.  Never underestimate their use of random things as weapons.  I make all my crutches out of platinum now for self defense purposes.

[Kat]

Also, I have no idea who Nish Inkedsword is. There's nobody at my fortress with that name, nor are there any historical figures with that name when I check Legends Mode on my back-up save.

Oooo, a false identity ? Criminal ? Vampire ?

[delphonso]

Hallshake, a green glass Figurine whose only claim to Distinction is that it celebrates the Creation of a previous Artifact.

Let Us hope that one Day, a Dwarf will create an Artifact to celebrate it.

I've always dreamed of a perfect artifact embark, shells, glass, cloth, etc. I want to just let the dearves make 20 or so artifacts before checking the descriptions, which, if done in reverse order, can make early artifacts /predict/ artifacts which came later.

[Immortal-D]

I still remember my most silly Artifact.  This was nearly a decade ago, when I was still very much a DF newbie.  Barely half a year into my new Fortress, and my Administrator Dorf takes over the Masonry Workshop.  A few days later, I am presented with a Bitmus (Bituminous) Coal Millstone.  The Dwarves of that Fortress enjoyed freshly ground veggies with a delightful raw coal flavor.

[kaenneth]

Holy carp. That meal alone is a siege reason.

It's a Scooby Doo sandwich.

[Schmaven]

It's finally time to appoint a hammerer: One of the smiths just crafted Stukónutir Akamishlum, "Squashloot the Fortunate Nuts", an adamantine war hammer.  It has a depiction in lapis lazuli of a rampaging hydra destroying things in the year 4, and menaces with spikes of horse bone. 

I suppose the 'Fortunate Nuts' are those of the future hammering victims, since the weight is <1r 

[HMD Majesty]

One of Our Dwarfs has created a clear Glass Amulet, which has no Images upon it.

We question the Point of such a Thing.

[RandomEngraver]

Poor Urist McMoody had only one arm left and he wasn't even a good craftsman. Then I find that he's made this: "Shinycuts, a platinum flask. (insert artifact description) It's adorned with studs of platinum and red spinel. It bears images of a cheese, a dwarf, a dwarf, and a table in copper. The cheese is laughing. The cheese is striking a triumphant pose. The dwarf is dead. The dwarf is in a fetal position. The dwarf is screaming. The table is making a plaintive gesture. The table is burning." (My mental image shows a crazy evil cheese standing on the bodies of two dwarves on top of a table, while… how can a TABLE make a plaintive gesture?!)

What's even more ludicrous is that he finished crafting it during a goblin siege. And then he bashed six fully-armored goblins with it until they died. So now he's in the military, wielding a jeweled flask full of creepy imagery (and it has a kill list!!).

[Merrygin]

One artifact I just found in my Legends is "Thiefnoble", a porcupine bone bed menacing with spikes of platinum. While crafted by honest dwarven weaponsmith Etur Cloistergulf of the fortress Staffrelieve, all of Thiefnoble's craftsmanship is of the highest quality.
It was gifted to one of my civilization's many necromancer-corrupted nobles, a fish cleaner turned baroness of The Controller-guild of rocks.

Of course a bed made of porcupine of all things is ridiculous, but it's also one hell of a statement.
Stick it to the dwarf, literally!

[Thisfox]

"Thiefnoble", a porcupine bone bed menacing with spikes of platinum.
Of course a bed made of porcupine of all things is ridiculous, but it's also one hell of a statement.

It's interesting that the porcupine bones are the bedframe itself, yet the spikes themselves, they're platinum, not porcupine quills. It really does sound like a bed of nails from a pantomime.

how can a TABLE make a plaintive gesture?!

Presumably by lying on its back and showing its fluffy belly like a dog...

[mightymushroom]

One of Our Dwarfs has created a clear Glass Amulet, which has no Images upon it.

We question the Point of such a Thing.

Could it be a monocle?

[HMD Majesty]

One of Our Dwarfs has created a clear Glass Amulet, which has no Images upon it.

We question the Point of such a Thing.

Could it be a monocle?

Not a very practical One, but conceivably.