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Author Topic: Online Debate about Cybercrime Treaty  (Read 1308 times)

pisskop

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Online Debate about Cybercrime Treaty
« on: September 05, 2013, 02:07:55 pm »

I am participating in an informal online debate contest thingy.  Well, I was an alt, and my number came up.  the topic this round was:
  ---Should the USA be a party to an International Cyber Warfare Treaty? Yes, the US should. - Pisskop---

My response:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Now that I submitted this opening statement I was wondering if anyone had feedback; given my general ignorance on the subject I hoped I would get some.  Help?
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drealmerz7 - pk was supreme pick for traitor too I think, and because of how it all is and pk is he is just feeding into the trollfucking so well.
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LordBucket

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Re: Online Debate about Cybercrime Treaty
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2013, 06:48:38 pm »

wondering if anyone had feedback

 * In my opinion, your spoilered text is terribly boring.
 * In my opinion, your spoilered text is written like someone who has spent far too much time writing high school english essays for idiot teachers who have no clue what they're doing and so assign comparison-contrast essays every week for years at a time.
 * In my opinion, statements in the form of "A thing that is X is Y" are incredibly weak, and you're using it way too much. In some cases, you're trying so hard to use this format that it becomes grammatically questionable. Example: the opening sentence of your final paragraph. Simplify it by removing the excessive wordiness, and the basic sentence structure you're left with is: "A step towards reducing crime is to regulate actions." That's incredibly awkward, grammatically terrible, and the only reason it wasn't obvious to you how lousy a sentence it is is that you've stuffed so many other words into it that the underlying grammar is hidden. Much of what you've written reads like this.
 * In my opinion, the quality of your writing is diminishing from the impact of any idea you might or might not be trying to promote.


And if you're still reading, this is the important one:

 * In my opinion, your premise contradicts itself. You open by pointing how out quickly technology advances. You then state that it advances so quickly that it has resulted in a mismatch between technical ability and legal oversight.  To put it another way, technology advances fast enough that it's difficult for law to remain relevant. Then, having acknowledged this...your proposed solution is to implement legal oversight.

That doesn't make sense.

pisskop

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Re: Online Debate about Cybercrime Treaty
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2013, 06:59:03 pm »

Yikes.  I felt it was weak.  Thank you.
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Pisskop's Reblancing Mod - A C:DDA Mod to make life a little (lot) more brutal!
drealmerz7 - pk was supreme pick for traitor too I think, and because of how it all is and pk is he is just feeding into the trollfucking so well.
PKs DF Mod!

LordBucket

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Re: Online Debate about Cybercrime Treaty
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2013, 07:03:46 pm »

You're welcome. Thank you for accepting feedback gracefully and without anger. :)

freeformschooler

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Re: Online Debate about Cybercrime Treaty
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2013, 07:17:22 pm »

For the sake of constructive criticism, it might be best if you took the first, second and fourth points and gave suggestions on how to improve them like you did with the third and fifth ones.
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Neonivek

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Re: Online Debate about Cybercrime Treaty
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2013, 08:13:31 pm »

Quote
If one were to graph the rate of humanity's technological advancement over time one would find the line not linear but rather exponential in nature

You seem to have set this up for a certain effect. Yet it comes off rather dry. and yet

Quote
The more technology it has, the faster it creates new technology.  The rate is in fact increasing so fast that 'computer network warfare was evolving so rapidly that "there was a mismatch between our technical capabilities to conduct operations and the governing laws and policies". 


You clearly aren't making a dry argument, you actually have some entertainment value you are attempting here.

Hmmm... Clearly the first sentence is overly verbose. I cannot really help too much but.. hmmm

"If one were to graph the rate of technological advancement, one would find not linear but rather exponential growth"

Hmmm... Not the best example I could do. Yet hopefully the contrast will help you.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2013, 08:16:50 pm by Neonivek »
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pisskop

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Re: Online Debate about Cybercrime Treaty
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2013, 08:29:33 pm »

Well, its structured in a opening statement, rebuttal, question, response to question format.

Im awaiting his response and Then Ill go cry at my loss.
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Pisskop's Reblancing Mod - A C:DDA Mod to make life a little (lot) more brutal!
drealmerz7 - pk was supreme pick for traitor too I think, and because of how it all is and pk is he is just feeding into the trollfucking so well.
PKs DF Mod!

Neonivek

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Re: Online Debate about Cybercrime Treaty
« Reply #7 on: September 05, 2013, 08:31:48 pm »

Well, its structured in a opening statement, rebuttal, question, response to question format.

Im awaiting his response and Then Ill go cry at my loss.

Ohh you are hardly challenging the king of conversations.
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pisskop

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Re: Online Debate about Cybercrime Treaty
« Reply #8 on: September 05, 2013, 09:44:14 pm »

Well Here it is!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

le sigh.  On another note, we should totally have debates here.
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Pisskop's Reblancing Mod - A C:DDA Mod to make life a little (lot) more brutal!
drealmerz7 - pk was supreme pick for traitor too I think, and because of how it all is and pk is he is just feeding into the trollfucking so well.
PKs DF Mod!

LordBucket

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Re: Online Debate about Cybercrime Treaty
« Reply #9 on: September 05, 2013, 10:08:58 pm »

le sigh.

Had it been me, I would have taken a different angle. The point of the treaty isn't to stop crime. Obviously it wouldn't. The point would be to establish international consensus on extradition and prosecution protocol. Not only would that have been a vastly more defensible argument, it would have instantly invalidated a lot of what your opponent had to say.