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[Andyyychi]

This is an adventurer i made recently. This story is badly written in my opinion,but i was typing things as fast as i could before i forgot.I was also too lazy to revise it properly. I also forgot all about the races and as such wrote most of the elven people as -man. Ignore it or complain about it if you want.

Adventures of the Vampire Spearman Ocba Oldvessel the relief of Locks
In the year 250 Ocba discovered a vampire in a village. With the help of the villagers he killed the vampire Ratad Breathtrammpled. He later drank the blood after a grueling training routine against wolves. Afterwards, Ocba was given 3 separate quests and began his exploration into the wilderness. His first quest was to defeat a group of bandits. With only his trusty pike man sidekick he went to the camp. There he killed numerous human bandits and more importantly the elven leader of these bandits .Using a bronze spear and shield Ocba was able to kill efficiently by murdering somebody and throwing their weapons and armor at the next victim. Afterwards he began his second quest. He fought another vampire. This vampire refused to die however. This vampire was bruised all over with thrown rocks and clay. As well as stabbing the vampire in various parts of its body. He managed to knock the vampire out with a quick toss of a morning glory and stabbed it in the head with a spear. Lastly he went to his final task. A group of elven bandits near a town. He brought 5 warriors with him. In the first encounter he managed to kill 2 elven swordsmen with a spear in their face. He was later separated from his companions and trapped between 5 elves all attacking him at once. He stabbed 2 of them in the face with a spear. He splattered the brain of another with a thrown dagger. He then strangled 1 of the last 2 elves and drank their blood. That elf bled to death. His final opponent in that battle was slain with a bash with his shield. However after that battle Ocba did not escape unharmed. Both of his legs were cut apart and his arms were broken. It was all over for Ocba when another 6 elves attacked him again. His companions were too occupied to help. He killed 2 of those elves by knocking them out by throwing their comrades weapons then scratching their brains out. He discovered one of the last 3 was the leader. He thoroughly killed him with a thrown breastplate and another scratch to the brain. He was later shot with a bow, then a crossbow. He lost the ability to bite and scratch somehow as well. His only weapon was his ability to throw. He hid behind a tree to stop the arrow and bolt fire and ran into a crossbowman without ammunition and an axe man. The crossbowman was knocked out with a quick toss of strawberries. The axe man however did not fall so easily. He was bruised badly with the thrown fruit but refused to fall. When out of fruit Ocba started throwing blood. When the 2 archers he was hiding from joined the battle he decided he did not want to die from an "elf". Ocba crawled to the nearest bush, planning to set himself ablaze and trap himself within. When he was just about to reach the bush, he was killed. The axe elf hacked off his leg causing Ocba to bleed to death.

This story is as true as my memory could make it. Please go ahead and complain as much as you want about its flaws because I will forget all about this post the next day.

[AfellowDwarf]

Complain is a rather harsh word. If you're looking for responses, try phrasing it differently. Complaining gives a slight undertone of being unwanted, you see. (constructive) Criticism and feedback are far more inviting terms, assuming you want advice and not just deposit your story and leave. I can see where you're coming from, however. Criticism on something you made is never nice; you put time and effort in it and you want it to be good. But being open to it is the only way to improve.

Now, for my two cents:
Your story seems to lack a bit of exitement, or tension. It reads kind of like a summary.  I'm everything but an expert on writing, however, and I wouldn't know how to leviate this or weither this is an actual issue.

Could you also divide your story in paragraphs? It's sort of a wall of text at the moment, and that makes it unapealing to read.