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[Alexor]

Hi.  I'm no stranger to getting advice from people off the internet like this, but this is different.  Lately, I've been finding it harder and harder to function: I'm having difficulty with my social life, mental issues, etc.  But right now, my biggest concern is that I simply don't have the ability to place faith in my own decisions.  In essence, I feel like I need someone to tell me what to do.  I don't want to act without asking someone else, for fear of making a mistake.  It's gotten worse and worse, to the point where I'm really unsure about what to do now.

A bit of background:  I've been homeschooled since a young age, never been social, and my only semi-close friends are online.  I got into college about a month ago and started seeing the school counselor within a few weeks.  I suffer from depression and anxiety, which has worsened since I've arrived.  My self confidence is basically nonexistent, and it's becoming more and more of a struggle to become socially active.

Anyways, lately I've put a lot of stress on relationships with the people I talk with online by asking for advice with my problems.  Since I'm not close to anyone in real life, I generally try to hide how I'm feeling there and vent it out online.  I've fallen into a pattern of bouncing my worries off the people I talk to, and asking for their opinion to try to decide what to do:  For instance, asking around for advice before trying to talk to someone else in real life, or asking about how much time I should spend being social.  I'm truly terrified of making mistakes:  I've always been the awful sort of perfectionist who can't accept things when there's a possibility that they might fail or not go as planned.  And to that end, I've found myself constantly annoying people online by all but begging for advice, to take the weight of the decision off my shoulders.

So now, I'm not sure what to do.  Do I find a way to rely on my own decisions?  Or do I just keep looking for new avenues of advice, so I can keep moving forwards?  Things have become extremely strained with my online friends:  I really wish that I could find a way to make it up to them, since they've easily been my best avenue of help and support for many years.  But at the same time, I simply can't bring myself to act without having someone else's opinion to rely on.  What do you guys think?

[nenjin]

I'd start by letting go of the idea that what anyone else thinks matters. In reality, of course what other people think matters. But you seem to feel like someone/something is sitting in judgment of your decisions. In truth, at the end of the day, no one really for any real length of time except your family. No one is truly watching you, except yourself.

At the risk of pigeonholing you into your own description, it sounds like you subconsciously crave the approval/direction of your family, and it manifests as an inability to do things without someone's input/approval. You need to let go of that. You're entering a period of your life where people expect you to be your own person, to make your own decisions and to live with the consequences. Your lack of assertion/your need for validation for your decisions will not do you any favors in the adult world.

It's not a bad thing to seek counsel. But you need to be judicious about it, and you need to behave as though advice isn't always going to be there. You're already learning that fact in that you're losing the ability to talk to people close to you about your issues. Realize, that's the default mode you're going to need to learn to operate in.

I'm truly terrified of making mistakes

Get used to it. You rarely, truly learn anything without fucking it up first. Your adult life will be filled with mistakes. To me, it's not the mistakes you make as a person that define you. It's what you do with them. Do the right thing and embrace your mistakes, then grow from them. Be happy to make a mistake, so you can then learn what not to do and stop living in terror of it.

[Shook]

What i think? I think you should decide, and i'm totally cool with whatever you choose. Ain't it wonderful?

But really, i know that problem. I myself have nearly crippling issues with both indecisiveness and initiative; more precisely, i'm not much for coming to others and getting all "hey we should totally do this yo", i'd rather prefer hanging around and having others come to me. But the sad truth is this: It's just not going to happen all that often. You give some, and you get some. Sometimes, you just need to do something, and shit on the consequences. If you don't have malice in mind, then the vast majority of these cases should result in no consequences whatsoever. So what if you say something wrong? Give it a little laugh, the others don't mind. People make mistakes all the time, it's what makes us human.

Trust me on this, i KNOW that the first step is the hardest, i've been there, and i still go there regularly. It's easier to just sit around in silence, and sure it IS much easier to write what you think rather than saying it out loud, but it's not necessarily better. A little trick i've learned: If faced with a decision between two things and you can't decide, flip a coin, and assign each decision to a side. You'll KNOW if you don't like what it lands on, and in this case, pick the other. You will always have a subconscious inclination towards one of the sides, the coin just helps in bringing it out.

As for social problems, i know that feeling as well. My advice, however clichéd it may be, is to just jump into it. I did so back when i started at university, because hell, i didn't know anyone there, and they didn't know me, so i might as well make the best impression i damn well could. And it worked. But i digress, your situation is a bit different, because you've already been around people for a while now. Still, jump into the deep end where all the others are, because they'll catch you and teach you how to swim. In non-metaphorical terms, this means go talk to people, and they'll talk to you. You may feel out of your element at first, but don't worry too much about that. You're not going to get better at anything without trying, and this includes socializing. It's hard to step outside of your comfort bubble, I of all people know that, but it's SO worth it in the end.

And now my indecisiveness questions whether to post this, because i'm worried about this not being of any help, but hell, i'm trying my best and hoping to help, so fuck indecisiveness, here's the post.

[Trapezohedron]

Life is not about avoiding making mistakes, but it is about how you deal with mistakes, and what you learn from it. Sure, it's ultimately in your best interests to avoid making mistakes, but no one is perfect. You will eventually make a mistake here and there, and that's where you gain experience.

A lot of people don't actually care how your life goes. They just pretend to, for better or for worse. Therefore, you shouldn't be critical of yourself if you make mistakes, as they will forget about it if they deem it minor. As for the coin-flip thing Shook said, it makes choosing things easier. For example, imagine you're trying to pursue a goal - a love interest or something like that, maybe - and you can't decide. You'll be intrinsically biased with a certain side of the decision, so if you dislike the choices you have, pick the ones you like.

When trying to socialize, try to find interests of a certain group. If you share interests, you'll find it easier to discuss, and when you do, you'll find that you'll just be answering their questions as they go from one topic to the next. Seriously, you can't learn anything if you try, so you really have to get out of your comfort zone, try to talk to others and see where the roulette stops.

Remember, be more carefree, and accept making mistakes from time to time. Your audience is lesser than you think it is.