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[Montopolis]

This is another poem that I wrote. This one rhymes; happy reading!

A Tale of Two Brothers

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In the dark and misty wood
Placed in a land of old
Upon a stone the elder brother stood
The younger being told

“Here is where we halt
We will make camp for to-night
Let the demon terror cult
Intrude upon us, then we smite”

The younger brother dragged a log
Eldest climbed a tree
But sight was barred through the fog
Neither brother could scarcely see

Before too long the sun did tire
It yawned and scratched its head
The two adventurers squinted into the dark mire
Too scared to go to bed

Then older said “Let’s not be foolish
There’s nothing to fear at all
We are just being girlish
We are as safe as in a great hall”

The younger one, who rarely spoke
Said “I’d rather be safe then sorry
I’ll stay up even if it’s a joke”
The older sighed, said “Then let’s not tarry”

A campfire was brought a-blazing
The youngest was to guard it first
The chill that night was amazing
It froze his spit and he did thirst

But sleep set upon the weary
Both elder and younger alike
Though the eldest was leery
The demon cult did strike

They pounced, howling curses, then a shout
Came from the younger brother
Soon was dead as a speared trout
The eldest perhaps as good as another?
No! He flew through the misty trees
Leaving his blade in the tent
The Bogeymen of the cursed woods at his knees
Into the forest he went

Soon the chase came to a chasm
Wrought throughout the ground
Faced with but its misty fathoms
The older could jump or be pound

He jumped into the depths of the Earth
Some say he survived the fall
Others say he shook with mirth
Going insane to blue sky’s hall

The night roamers were robbed of prey
Furious were their roars
Awakening a giant of that day
The giant who now sits and snores

The giant tore them limb from limb
And sat their bones upon his shelf
He made dolls out of their skin
And took their supply of stolen wealth

So thus ended the brother’s travels
One slain, one gone
Their souls did meet as they unraveled
Into a great Heaven far beyond

Enjoyed it? Please leave a comment suggesting an improvement or giving a compliment. Both are very helpful.

[Ehndras]

I really liked this! I'll leave a proper artistic criticism later when I'm out of work and have time to really read between the lines.

I'll share one of my own in the meantime, an old poem from Nov. 16th, 2009, of roughly similar style... Written entirely in haiku.

Spoiler: Fates Intertwined (click to show/hide)

Here before me lies,
A fateful tale yet untold;
Living Memories

From whence had he come?
This lord - mane of midnight black;
With pain was he Rife

Here - his eyes are dark,
As bards sing of what once was;
Forgotten Stories

A hero unnamed,
His sculpture set in stone;
Born from ceaseless Strife


Those darkened waters,
Born of winding rivers;
Doubtful Reflections

Journeying throughout,
Black-clad knight with crimson blade;
Paladin Forlorn

Hopelessness took root,
His soul - lost within the dark;
Without Direction

But light of Love
Illuminated his eyes;
Paragon Reborn


And from the shadows
Arose a god ascended;
Humanity Shed

For in his shedding
Of singularity;
Lost were earthly Woes

Forsaken was all
Merciless gripping sorrow;
On which he once Fed

No longer whipping,
Solitude undone - within;
Its final death Throes


In blinding moments,
Passion blazed like solar winds;
To heights most Divine

Ecstatic wonder,
Glistening crystalline eyes;
Tears fallen to Ground

United through Fate,
Unparalleled rarity;
The stars all Aligned

And she, his keeper?
An angel in her descent;
Soul-Bound


Though divine she was,
Hers was not a simple path;
Plagued by Consequence

Of her actions not,
But the sins of the Father;
A Saint yet Dethroned

For in abandon,
Forsaken was his blood-line;
Futile Dominance

And from their ashes
His children were lost to time;
Their future Unknown


In his place arose,
Where once lived humility;
A spiteful Tyrant

Yet even enchained,
She progressed adamantly;
Goddess Arising

Her vivid smiles
Ivory illuminate;
Forever Vibrant

Edging still away,
She fled far beyond his grasp;
Endless Horizon


To a land thought lost,
Not to sands of time, but Man;
Ravaged by War

Unwonted beauty
Helpless - torn in futile grasps;
Like fabric from Flame

Lost was their culture,
Exotic worlds - All as One;
That which they Adore

Naught but suffering
Yet lived - within their high walls;
Little remained, but Shame


The Years bled away,
As empire fell to ruin;
Her people Enslaved

Great citizens lost
To the Tyrant's grasping claws;
Torn flesh and scarred Bone

Their lives but play-things
At the hands of lusting lords;
Actions most Depraved

But as light faded
From the eyes of fellow Man;
A few hearts yet Shone


And from the remnants,
Were carved loyal warriors;
Battling to Exist

There - sheltered within,
Tattered banners were lifted;
Enemy flags Burn

Within the outskirts,
Wave upon wave clashed with pride;
Forever Resist!

Our men unyielding,
The invaders repelled;
Never to Return


But from that battle,
She never did recover;
Her body most Pale

The strains of conquest,
Too much for she - bed ridden;
His soon birthing Wife

Yet from that goddess,
Was to come a prince most dear;
That little child so Frail

In final moments,
Created was new beauty;
Sacrificed for Life


In her memory,
Emblazoned stars light the skies;
Loss is Remembered

As with her brightest
eyes - set like vibrant gemstones;
Constellation High

In loving embrace,
Passion - freely and fully;
The moments Treasured

And with her last breath,
An oath he loudly uttered;
Fervent Battle-cry


Before me he stands,
Tall as the walls that bound him;
Within his Stronghold

Shadow-bound splendor,
That Lord - mane of midnight-black;
Clad in Ebony

In his memory,
Their embrace shall outshine death;
Love - Volumes Untold

And in poetry,
They shall live on in legend;
Soaring high and Free

[Montopolis]

I really liked this! I'll leave a proper artistic criticism later when I'm out of work and have time to really read between the lines.

I'll share one of my own in the meantime, an old poem from Nov. 16th, 2009, of roughly similar style... Written entirely in haiku.

Spoiler: Fates Intertwined (click to show/hide)

Here before me lies,
A fateful tale yet untold;
Living Memories

From whence had he come?
This lord - mane of midnight black;
With pain was he Rife

Here - his eyes are dark,
As bards sing of what once was;
Forgotten Stories

A hero unnamed,
His sculpture set in stone;
Born from ceaseless Strife


Those darkened waters,
Born of winding rivers;
Doubtful Reflections

Journeying throughout,
Black-clad knight with crimson blade;
Paladin Forlorn

Hopelessness took root,
His soul - lost within the dark;
Without Direction

But light of Love
Illuminated his eyes;
Paragon Reborn


And from the shadows
Arose a god ascended;
Humanity Shed

For in his shedding
Of singularity;
Lost were earthly Woes

Forsaken was all
Merciless gripping sorrow;
On which he once Fed

No longer whipping,
Solitude undone - within;
Its final death Throes


In blinding moments,
Passion blazed like solar winds;
To heights most Divine

Ecstatic wonder,
Glistening crystalline eyes;
Tears fallen to Ground

United through Fate,
Unparalleled rarity;
The stars all Aligned

And she, his keeper?
An angel in her descent;
Soul-Bound


Though divine she was,
Hers was not a simple path;
Plagued by Consequence

Of her actions not,
But the sins of the Father;
A Saint yet Dethroned

For in abandon,
Forsaken was his blood-line;
Futile Dominance

And from their ashes
His children were lost to time;
Their future Unknown


In his place arose,
Where once lived humility;
A spiteful Tyrant

Yet even enchained,
She progressed adamantly;
Goddess Arising

Her vivid smiles
Ivory illuminate;
Forever Vibrant

Edging still away,
She fled far beyond his grasp;
Endless Horizon


To a land thought lost,
Not to sands of time, but Man;
Ravaged by War

Unwonted beauty
Helpless - torn in futile grasps;
Like fabric from Flame

Lost was their culture,
Exotic worlds - All as One;
That which they Adore

Naught but suffering
Yet lived - within their high walls;
Little remained, but Shame


The Years bled away,
As empire fell to ruin;
Her people Enslaved

Great citizens lost
To the Tyrant's grasping claws;
Torn flesh and scarred Bone

Their lives but play-things
At the hands of lusting lords;
Actions most Depraved

But as light faded
From the eyes of fellow Man;
A few hearts yet Shone


And from the remnants,
Were carved loyal warriors;
Battling to Exist

There - sheltered within,
Tattered banners were lifted;
Enemy flags Burn

Within the outskirts,
Wave upon wave clashed with pride;
Forever Resist!

Our men unyielding,
The invaders repelled;
Never to Return


But from that battle,
She never did recover;
Her body most Pale

The strains of conquest,
Too much for she - bed ridden;
His soon birthing Wife

Yet from that goddess,
Was to come a prince most dear;
That little child so Frail

In final moments,
Created was new beauty;
Sacrificed for Life


In her memory,
Emblazoned stars light the skies;
Loss is Remembered

As with her brightest
eyes - set like vibrant gemstones;
Constellation High

In loving embrace,
Passion - freely and fully;
The moments Treasured

And with her last breath,
An oath he loudly uttered;
Fervent Battle-cry


Before me he stands,
Tall as the walls that bound him;
Within his Stronghold

Shadow-bound splendor,
That Lord - mane of midnight-black;
Clad in Ebony

In his memory,
Their embrace shall outshine death;
Love - Volumes Untold

And in poetry,
They shall live on in legend;
Soaring high and Free

You sir, are one of a kind. That poem was fabulous. Now I'm sort of embarrassed to have posted mine...
But I gotta cut myself some slack, it was only my second time trying my hand at poetry; my first attempt can be found here:  http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=110809.0

But seriously, you are an amazing writer.

[Ehndras]

Heh, thank you for the compliment my friend.

Trust me, your poetry isn't bad at all. I've seen published poets with worse poetry than yours! I'd publish mine but I honestly have no idea how to.