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[Wayward Device]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Monkey was on the road to nowhere, as he had been for some time. His grand quest had been forgotten during the long trek. He had escaped being horribly tortured and forcefed his own blood by the goblins. Despite his ill treatment at their hands he felt no racial hate for the goblins, for such evils were against his nature. Instead, he could feel the goblin's poorly managed and misdirected anger, pain, and confusion and was looking for a dedicated therapist to help them. He remembered his old friend, Dr. Nim Chimpsky, who specialized in anger management among other things like ADHD. At least that is what he did until the good doctor was eaten by a moose. Recalling the sad passing of his friend only strengthened his convictions, he would find someone or something to free the goblins of their primal rage, or failing that recall what his original quest had been been before they tortured it from his mind.

Far away in the distance he could see a trail of wagons slowly traveling onwards. A wagon full of civilized gremlins, skilled with machines and devices. The sight of these diminutive disciples of logic and engineering brought up more memories unbidden and for a moment he was in Oranguntanadia, enlightened city of his youth and capital of the Pan-Ape Alliance.It was in Oranguntanadia that 'The Monkey' first dabbled in genetics, an interest that would soon lead to the tragic downfall of his homeland. Soon he would make a horror unlike any ape has ever seen. This horror caused him to erase all feeling from his body, except for compassion and logic.  For now though he broke into a jog to catch the slow-moving caravan.
A bespectacled gremlin Mechanist clad in the flowing gray robes and bright yellow utility vest of his order hailed his approach, seemingly astounded to see a sentient ape.
It was too bad though, the Mechanists' cargo was illegal contraband, they need to kill it if it came any closer. The ape could be a spy for the Piggiean Empire.

Sensing the hostility of these civilized gremlins the monkey immediately took the flying crane stance he had learnt from his travels through the Wu-shu kingdoms.
The huddled figures, ready to fight, stared at each other intently, waiting for the first move. When the ground started moving... Both The Monkey and the gremlins were searching frantically for the source of this sudden tremor when a booming voice drowned out all other noise. "Round one, ready, FIGHT!"
Before the echos of this fell utterance could die away huge cracks tore through the earth, trapping the would-be combatants.The caravan left. They could do nothing to save either of them. The code of the Karate, the sacred code set up by the old lords of the tomato plants, forbid outside help. Knowing he had no other way out the Monkey prepared for combat with a series of flamboyant gestures.
But fate was kind to both that day for the series of flamboyant gestures the Monkey had just preform at random was the Mechanist mating dance!
By the time the monkey realised his mistake, he was snared by the spontaneous mating spider. He responded automatically with a drunken badger facelift finger, a technique he had learned in his years of training in the drunken badger style. The drunken badger facelift finger technique had absolutely no effect; the mating spider had commanded it's hatchlings to cling on their mother to act as a defensive, anti-fist shield.Thinking quickly The Monkey swept the spiders legs from underneath it, then leaping hundreds of feet in the air he gathered all the chi from the surrounding area and came back down quickly onto the spider with such force that he split the vile creature in two, sending ichor splashing in all directions.

With unexpected combat concluded, he picked up a rhesus macaque leather hat from his fallen foe, set it on his head at a jaunty angle and looked about him for a route through the newly formed chasms.

[Flintus10]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Monkey was on the road to nowhere, as he had been for some time. His grand quest had been forgotten during the long trek. He had escaped being horribly tortured and forcefed his own blood by the goblins. Despite his ill treatment at their hands he felt no racial hate for the goblins, for such evils were against his nature. Instead, he could feel the goblin's poorly managed and misdirected anger, pain, and confusion and was looking for a dedicated therapist to help them. He remembered his old friend, Dr. Nim Chimpsky, who specialized in anger management among other things like ADHD. At least that is what he did until the good doctor was eaten by a moose. Recalling the sad passing of his friend only strengthened his convictions, he would find someone or something to free the goblins of their primal rage, or failing that recall what his original quest had been been before they tortured it from his mind.

Far away in the distance he could see a trail of wagons slowly traveling onwards. A wagon full of civilized gremlins, skilled with machines and devices. The sight of these diminutive disciples of logic and engineering brought up more memories unbidden and for a moment he was in Oranguntanadia, enlightened city of his youth and capital of the Pan-Ape Alliance.It was in Oranguntanadia that 'The Monkey' first dabbled in genetics, an interest that would soon lead to the tragic downfall of his homeland. Soon he would make a horror unlike any ape has ever seen. This horror caused him to erase all feeling from his body, except for compassion and logic.  For now though he broke into a jog to catch the slow-moving caravan.
A bespectacled gremlin Mechanist clad in the flowing gray robes and bright yellow utility vest of his order hailed his approach, seemingly astounded to see a sentient ape.
It was too bad though, the Mechanists' cargo was illegal contraband, they need to kill it if it came any closer. The ape could be a spy for the Piggiean Empire.

Sensing the hostility of these civilized gremlins the monkey immediately took the flying crane stance he had learnt from his travels through the Wu-shu kingdoms.
The huddled figures, ready to fight, stared at each other intently, waiting for the first move. When the ground started moving... Both The Monkey and the gremlins were searching frantically for the source of this sudden tremor when a booming voice drowned out all other noise. "Round one, ready, FIGHT!"
Before the echos of this fell utterance could die away huge cracks tore through the earth, trapping the would-be combatants.The caravan left. They could do nothing to save either of them. The code of the Karate, the sacred code set up by the old lords of the tomato plants, forbid outside help. Knowing he had no other way out the Monkey prepared for combat with a series of flamboyant gestures.
But fate was kind to both that day for the series of flamboyant gestures the Monkey had just preform at random was the Mechanist mating dance!
By the time the monkey realised his mistake, he was snared by the spontaneous mating spider. He responded automatically with a drunken badger facelift finger, a technique he had learned in his years of training in the drunken badger style. The drunken badger facelift finger technique had absolutely no effect; the mating spider had commanded it's hatchlings to cling on their mother to act as a defensive, anti-fist shield.Thinking quickly The Monkey swept the spiders legs from underneath it, then leaping hundreds of feet in the air he gathered all the chi from the surrounding area and came back down quickly onto the spider with such force that he split the vile creature in two, sending ichor splashing in all directions.

With unexpected combat concluded, he picked up a rhesus macaque leather hat from his fallen foe, set it on his head at a jaunty angle and looked about him for a route through the newly formed chasms.

Peering into the chasm the monkey could feel an ominous presence amplified by the sudden angry whispering coming from the depths.

[uber pye]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Monkey was on the road to nowhere, as he had been for some time. His grand quest had been forgotten during the long trek. He had escaped being horribly tortured and forcefed his own blood by the goblins. Despite his ill treatment at their hands he felt no racial hate for the goblins, for such evils were against his nature. Instead, he could feel the goblin's poorly managed and misdirected anger, pain, and confusion and was looking for a dedicated therapist to help them. He remembered his old friend, Dr. Nim Chimpsky, who specialized in anger management among other things like ADHD. At least that is what he did until the good doctor was eaten by a moose. Recalling the sad passing of his friend only strengthened his convictions, he would find someone or something to free the goblins of their primal rage, or failing that recall what his original quest had been been before they tortured it from his mind.

Far away in the distance he could see a trail of wagons slowly traveling onwards. A wagon full of civilized gremlins, skilled with machines and devices. The sight of these diminutive disciples of logic and engineering brought up more memories unbidden and for a moment he was in Oranguntanadia, enlightened city of his youth and capital of the Pan-Ape Alliance.It was in Oranguntanadia that 'The Monkey' first dabbled in genetics, an interest that would soon lead to the tragic downfall of his homeland. Soon he would make a horror unlike any ape has ever seen. This horror caused him to erase all feeling from his body, except for compassion and logic.  For now though he broke into a jog to catch the slow-moving caravan.
A bespectacled gremlin Mechanist clad in the flowing gray robes and bright yellow utility vest of his order hailed his approach, seemingly astounded to see a sentient ape.
It was too bad though, the Mechanists' cargo was illegal contraband, they need to kill it if it came any closer. The ape could be a spy for the Piggiean Empire.

Sensing the hostility of these civilized gremlins the monkey immediately took the flying crane stance he had learnt from his travels through the Wu-shu kingdoms.
The huddled figures, ready to fight, stared at each other intently, waiting for the first move. When the ground started moving... Both The Monkey and the gremlins were searching frantically for the source of this sudden tremor when a booming voice drowned out all other noise. "Round one, ready, FIGHT!"
Before the echos of this fell utterance could die away huge cracks tore through the earth, trapping the would-be combatants.The caravan left. They could do nothing to save either of them. The code of the Karate, the sacred code set up by the old lords of the tomato plants, forbid outside help. Knowing he had no other way out the Monkey prepared for combat with a series of flamboyant gestures.
But fate was kind to both that day for the series of flamboyant gestures the Monkey had just preform at random was the Mechanist mating dance!
By the time the monkey realised his mistake, he was snared by the spontaneous mating spider. He responded automatically with a drunken badger facelift finger, a technique he had learned in his years of training in the drunken badger style. The drunken badger facelift finger technique had absolutely no effect; the mating spider had commanded it's hatchlings to cling on their mother to act as a defensive, anti-fist shield.Thinking quickly The Monkey swept the spiders legs from underneath it, then leaping hundreds of feet in the air he gathered all the chi from the surrounding area and came back down quickly onto the spider with such force that he split the vile creature in two, sending ichor splashing in all directions.

With unexpected combat concluded, he picked up a rhesus macaque leather hat from his fallen foe, set it on his head at a jaunty angle and looked about him for a route through the newly formed chasms. Peering into the chasm the monkey could feel an ominous presence amplified by the sudden angry whispering coming from the depths.

"Bunnies," said the monkey, "why did it have to be bunnies."

[Loud Whispers]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Monkey was on the road to nowhere, as he had been for some time. His grand quest had been forgotten during the long trek. He had escaped being horribly tortured and forcefed his own blood by the goblins. Despite his ill treatment at their hands he felt no racial hate for the goblins, for such evils were against his nature. Instead, he could feel the goblin's poorly managed and misdirected anger, pain, and confusion and was looking for a dedicated therapist to help them. He remembered his old friend, Dr. Nim Chimpsky, who specialized in anger management among other things like ADHD. At least that is what he did until the good doctor was eaten by a moose. Recalling the sad passing of his friend only strengthened his convictions, he would find someone or something to free the goblins of their primal rage, or failing that recall what his original quest had been been before they tortured it from his mind.

Far away in the distance he could see a trail of wagons slowly traveling onwards. A wagon full of civilized gremlins, skilled with machines and devices. The sight of these diminutive disciples of logic and engineering brought up more memories unbidden and for a moment he was in Oranguntanadia, enlightened city of his youth and capital of the Pan-Ape Alliance.It was in Oranguntanadia that 'The Monkey' first dabbled in genetics, an interest that would soon lead to the tragic downfall of his homeland. Soon he would make a horror unlike any ape has ever seen. This horror caused him to erase all feeling from his body, except for compassion and logic.  For now though he broke into a jog to catch the slow-moving caravan.
A bespectacled gremlin Mechanist clad in the flowing gray robes and bright yellow utility vest of his order hailed his approach, seemingly astounded to see a sentient ape.
It was too bad though, the Mechanists' cargo was illegal contraband, they need to kill it if it came any closer. The ape could be a spy for the Piggiean Empire.

Sensing the hostility of these civilized gremlins the monkey immediately took the flying crane stance he had learnt from his travels through the Wu-shu kingdoms.
The huddled figures, ready to fight, stared at each other intently, waiting for the first move. When the ground started moving... Both The Monkey and the gremlins were searching frantically for the source of this sudden tremor when a booming voice drowned out all other noise. "Round one, ready, FIGHT!"
Before the echos of this fell utterance could die away huge cracks tore through the earth, trapping the would-be combatants.The caravan left. They could do nothing to save either of them. The code of the Karate, the sacred code set up by the old lords of the tomato plants, forbid outside help. Knowing he had no other way out the Monkey prepared for combat with a series of flamboyant gestures.
But fate was kind to both that day for the series of flamboyant gestures the Monkey had just preform at random was the Mechanist mating dance!
By the time the monkey realised his mistake, he was snared by the spontaneous mating spider. He responded automatically with a drunken badger facelift finger, a technique he had learned in his years of training in the drunken badger style. The drunken badger facelift finger technique had absolutely no effect; the mating spider had commanded it's hatchlings to cling on their mother to act as a defensive, anti-fist shield.Thinking quickly The Monkey swept the spiders legs from underneath it, then leaping hundreds of feet in the air he gathered all the chi from the surrounding area and came back down quickly onto the spider with such force that he split the vile creature in two, sending ichor splashing in all directions.

With unexpected combat concluded, he picked up a rhesus macaque leather hat from his fallen foe, set it on his head at a jaunty angle and looked about him for a route through the newly formed chasms. Peering into the chasm the monkey could feel an ominous presence amplified by the sudden angry whispering coming from the depths.
"Bunnies," said the monkey, "why did it have to be bunnies."

A voice bellowed from behind the monkey, "BECAUSE SCIENCE DEMANDS IT!"
In hindsight, he probably shouldn't have been saying his thoughts out loud.