Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

Author Topic: ...And we hit it and we hit it and it just wouldn't die...  (Read 1439 times)

Elifre

  • Bay Watcher
  • Elifre mutters "Project A.R.M.O.K. needs dorfs..."
    • View Profile
...And we hit it and we hit it and it just wouldn't die...
« on: December 24, 2011, 08:52:24 pm »

Allow me to set the scene:

Goblins are invading my fort! Nearly a hundred of the foul creatures and a dozen of their hideous trolls are marching towards the gates of my outpost, as they have regularly over the past six years. I have dozens of traps set up in my entrance hall, and behind that a series of retracting bridges set up over a spike pit, which is further guarded by a masterwork ballista and the finest siege operator this dwarf has ever known. No goblin has ever made it past these defenses. And before today, the 6th of Moonstone in the year 131, no goblin ever had.

Yet one has done so today.

So here I was, confident that my traps would succeed, and this goblin, wielding a heavily decorated spear, just waltzes past my traps. The sea of blood and the hundreds of liberated goblin weapons in the traps meant nothing to her, and the ballista was something she could dodge in her sleep. So just when I thought that I would have to send in my army, the other goblins panic and run, and she gets bored and turns around. Right into the spike pit that my fellow dwarves finally pulled the lever for. Bam.

A two story fall and a nasty surprise at the bottom severely injures and stuns the goblin, so I thought, "Hey, why not send in some guys to practice beating her up?" It turns out that elite goblins don't die -that- easy. Even with a compound fracture and bleeding lungs, it takes -hours- of them hitting her with silver war hammers for the goblin to finally die. There was not a single bone -left- to break by the time she decided to die, and the remains could be more easily described as an oozing pile of broken flesh than as a goblin. And you know what was the worst part? The bitch goblin died of a damn broken ankle.

This brings back memories of the elephants.
*Drinks himself into unconsciousness*.
« Last Edit: December 24, 2011, 08:56:57 pm by Elifre »
Logged
All hail the mighty Project A.R.M.O.K.!
Applejack is the worst pony, Loud Whispers.
Quote from: Elifre
Fear the mighty lungfish!
Quote from: Elifre
DEAR ARMOK THE TURKEYS ARE HATCHING!
Quote from: Elifre
There is no problem that cannot be solved with the liberal application of magma.
Quote from: Elifre
FOR !!SCIENCE!!

starshard0

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: ...And we hit it and we hit it and it just wouldn't die...
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2011, 09:56:38 pm »

Sounds like you need some battleaxes
Logged

Karnewarrior

  • Bay Watcher
  • That guy who used to be here all the time
    • View Profile
Re: ...And we hit it and we hit it and it just wouldn't die...
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2011, 10:55:42 pm »

They stab it with their steely knives but they just. can't. kill the beast!

You shouldn't have killed her. That would be an opportunity to download DFhack and make her a full member of your civ. It's quick thinking like that that makes the greats like Cacame.

Still a funny story though bro.
Logged
Thou art I, I art Thou.
The trust you have bestowed upon thy comrade is now reciprocated in turn.
Thou shall be blessed when calling upon personae of the Hangman Arcana.
May this tie bind thee to a brighter future!​
Ikusaba Quest! - Fistfighting space robots for the benefit of your familial bonds to Satan is passe, so you call Sherlock Holmes and ask her to pop by.

thegoatgod_pan

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: ...And we hit it and we hit it and it just wouldn't die...
« Reply #3 on: December 25, 2011, 04:19:37 am »

They stab it with their steely knives but they just. can't. kill the beast!

You shouldn't have killed her. That would be an opportunity to download DFhack and make her a full member of your civ. It's quick thinking like that that makes the greats like Cacame.

Still a funny story though bro.
Wait you can do that with dfhack?
Logged
More ridiculous than reindeer?  Where you think you supercool and is you things the girls where I honestly like I is then why are humans on their as my people or what would you?

Minnakht

  • Bay Watcher
  • Green Eyed Monster
    • View Profile
Re: ...And we hit it and we hit it and it just wouldn't die...
« Reply #4 on: December 25, 2011, 04:57:06 am »

That's what hammers do. They break bones and squish organs, but do not open wounds or tear people apart. And that is the problem.

Until the brain is squished, bisection happens, or enough blood flows out, things tend to not die. They tend to go unconscious and tired and unable to walk or fight, but not die.
Of course, when an enemy is unconscious, then it's pretty easy to smash its head.
Logged
Giant badgers are cruel saddistic balls of fur and hate. Did anyone know they could paint a wall with a single dwarven baby?.... You know what, I made the Giant badgers sound like sane DF players.
A Kea has stolen a coke!

Funk

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: ...And we hit it and we hit it and it just wouldn't die...
« Reply #5 on: December 25, 2011, 08:19:45 am »

hammers are just a bit to crap at fast kills, death by chokeing takes far to long,blood loss is rare and slow.
only the brain is an kill shot.

all the traps can level up the attackers.
Logged
Agree, plus that's about the LAST thing *I* want to see from this kind of game - author spending valuable development time on useless graphics.

Unofficial slogan of Bay 12 Games.  

Death to the false emperor a warhammer40k SG

Loud Whispers

  • Bay Watcher
  • They said we have to aim higher, so we dug deeper.
    • View Profile
    • I APPLAUD YOU SIRRAH
Re: ...And we hit it and we hit it and it just wouldn't die...
« Reply #6 on: December 25, 2011, 09:09:52 am »

Hammer to incap, swords and spears to stab, axes to chop.

!!TA DA!!

Oliolli

  • Bay Watcher
  • [PREFSTRING:unlikeability]
    • View Profile
Re: ...And we hit it and we hit it and it just wouldn't die...
« Reply #7 on: December 25, 2011, 10:26:01 am »

Hammer to incap, swords and spears to stab, axes to chop.

!!TA DA!!

Swords also chop. And it should be:

‼TA DA‼
Logged

Quote from: Girlinhat
When all you've got is an adjustable spanner and an entire freight warehouse of terrifying cogs and gears, everything looks like "just a prototype".
Quote from: ThatAussieGuy
You all turned Swordthunders into a bastion of madness that seems to warp in on itself under its own hatred of sanity.  I'm so happy!
Quote from: Loud Whispers
drowning babies everywhere o-o