Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

Author Topic: Within Shadows: Proloque Pt. 1; Terrors Within  (Read 912 times)

adwarf

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Within Shadows: Proloque Pt. 1; Terrors Within
« on: August 27, 2011, 05:25:37 pm »

I am about to begin writing a book, and I thought I would let you guys know, and get some feedback, suggestions, and ideas for the story, and things in it.

Spoiler: Setting (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Main Character, Tarak (click to show/hide)

As I finish the Chapters I will post them here for you guys to read, and enjoy. Also you can give me suggestions for anything really you could even request that a charcter that you make appear in the book, adn we can work out the details later.
« Last Edit: August 27, 2011, 07:03:16 pm by adwarf »
Logged

adwarf

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Within Shadows
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2011, 06:12:10 pm »

Reserved for further information.
« Last Edit: August 27, 2011, 06:39:13 pm by adwarf »
Logged

adwarf

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Within Shadows
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2011, 06:38:52 pm »

Prologue, Pt. 1; Terrors Within


]"Where did they go? I swear they were right behind me, so how did they just vanish into thin air?" Tarak mumbled to himself as he looked around, trying to find the men who were chasing him, but they were nowhere to be seen. All there was to see was shadows, darkness, and trees surrounding him. He slipped out the small knife from within his belt, and began to continue down the small forest trail he had been following this whole time. He heard a rustle in the shrubs to his right, and the breaking of twigs.

He swung about to face the sound, but whatever it was had already disppeared from sight. Tarak turned, and began to walk forward, holding the knife in front of him just in case something popped out, but all was quiet as he slowly crept down the trail. After several minutes the trees began to give way as he walked out into a small clearing with a little pond, full of lilypads. He dashed forward and drank heavily from the cold water, quickly queching his thirst and stopping the burning in his throat. The air carried with a slight breeze, and the night sky shone brightly through the opening in the tress above.

As he sat down with his back to a boulder he looked up at the sky, seeing a small group of stars that formed the shape of a dragon in the sky. "It has been a while since I last saw the sky, but even then it was never as clear as when it was obscured by the smoke of war. Even when death is present it is one of the few things that never changes." He mumbled to himself as he continued to sit still resting from the long distance he had travelled in the past day. Running from those who continued to pursue him. For what reason he did not know, but he knew they wanted to take his life.

As he sat there feeling the cool night air on his skin, once again he heard the rustling of leaves from nearby. He jumped to his feet, bringing the knife to bear, waiting for whatever was out there to make its move. He stood there for a moment, waiting, until finally a figure clambered down the side of a tree, and began pacing towards him on all fours. The beast edged forward, ever so slowly, knowing its prey was cornered and had nowhere to run to. After almost a minute it finally stepped out of the shadows, and into the ever faint moonlight. What Tarak saw was stunning - a beast the size of a man with golden fur, and claws sharper than the finest blade. Its eyes were cold and calculating, as if they were constantly observing the prey and perfectly guessing its next action.

Tarak thought he had seen something like this creature in a book once. It had been titled something like 'Collection of Deadly Beasts', and it had details on how to deal with them. 'Dammit, why can't I remember what it said? If I don't think of something soon, I'm dead!' Tarak thought as he continued to eye the beast ahead of him. He held the knife in a defensive position in front of his chest as he began examining the predator.

This beast had the air of a killer, and even its fur showed it - here and there were patches of fur stained by the blood of other creatures. The beast opened its maw wide and let loose a terrifying earsplitting roar, before lowering its head to the ground and laying down in the grass. Tarak moved back, pressing up against the rock, trying to lessen the field the beast could attack from, but he knew it was useless as this thing was an experienced predator, and possessed strength far greater than his.


((I will leave you guys with a cliffhanger here I will type up Pt. 2 later tonight, or tommorow.))

EDIT: (Grammar, and spelling mistakes fixed thanks to Zae)
« Last Edit: August 28, 2011, 12:27:28 pm by adwarf »
Logged

Supermikhail

  • Bay Watcher
  • The Dwarf Of Steel
    • View Profile
Re: Within Shadows: Proloque Pt. 1; Terrors Within
« Reply #3 on: August 30, 2011, 02:37:37 am »

Okay, for what it's worth, put in a talking dinosaur with the personality of the Man with no name from the Dollars trilogy (a.k.a. Clint Eastwood), haven't decided on the name yet... Maybe Dinosaur with no name? :) Ideally, he should come into the story at critical moments, saving the day. Just had a random inspiration like that, and if it doesn't fit your story, I think I can find a place for it in mine. Because I think it's a pretty sweet idea.

About your story - the part is pretty short... yeah, and the cliffhanger isn't really a cliffhanger - it's not like I'll believe that you're going to kill off the protag in the beginning of the story. I hope the deadly beast doesn't turn out to have a personality of Clint Eastwood, though, that would be weird. It's kind of intriguing what its personality is going to be. I hope it's not just an enemy.
Logged

adwarf

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Within Shadows: Proloque Pt. 1; Terrors Within
« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2011, 02:44:07 pm »

Okay, for what it's worth, put in a talking dinosaur with the personality of the Man with no name from the Dollars trilogy (a.k.a. Clint Eastwood), haven't decided on the name yet... Maybe Dinosaur with no name? :) Ideally, he should come into the story at critical moments, saving the day. Just had a random inspiration like that, and if it doesn't fit your story, I think I can find a place for it in mine. Because I think it's a pretty sweet idea.

About your story - the part is pretty short... yeah, and the cliffhanger isn't really a cliffhanger - it's not like I'll believe that you're going to kill off the protag in the beginning of the story. I hope the deadly beast doesn't turn out to have a personality of Clint Eastwood, though, that would be weird. It's kind of intriguing what its personality is going to be. I hope it's not just an enemy.

Your character idea really doesn't fit with the world, so sorry but no. As for how short it is I am splitting the Proloque into 12-20 Pts.
Logged