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[Vector]

Someone has asked me to the movies.  He is trying to get more people to come with us.

One of the people he has suggested is a person I would not like to come along.  However, there is some potential difficulty.  Friend A(sker) knows that I am inviting friend B out for a social event earlier in the day.  Friend A and I are communicating privately.

I don't entirely know how to get out of this, because my reasons not to want to ask B to such an event are multi-fold:

a. On meeting feels like that's about enough of friend B
b. Friend B is pretty much always late to everything, by egregious amounts (sometimes upwards of 2 hours)
c. Friend B has terrible personal hygiene and doesn't get along super-well with A
d. Friend B does not like movies
e. Friend B has a friend C from his college visiting right now, and I don't know a damned thing about friend C (interests, personality, name, gender)
f. Friend B is almost impossible to contact via any means.


So, at the moment, the plan of attack is:

Tell Friend A that I'll see about Friend B--"I'll see tomorrow, but you know that he has Friend C staying with him right now."

Go meet Friend B tomorrow.  If Friend C comes along, evaluate Friend C.

If I end up liking Friend C and Friend B isn't incredibly irritating, ask B&C to come along (they probably won't be able to come).

If I don't, tell Friend A that things didn't work out and they couldn't come (they couldn't, because I didn't ask them).


The reason why I think this will work is that Friends A and B have almost no social contact whatsoever, and thus there is no reason to think that B will assume he deserves to be invited; the reason why this is sticky is because I do not want to look like a friendless, ungraceful lout.


Is this smart or stupid?

[Simmura McCrea]

I'm not really sure how that last step makes you look friendless or ungraceful. They couldn't make it. Oh well. Please note, though, that I'm not exactly Mr SocialisationMaster or whatever, but it seems reasonable enough from my point of view.

[Yoink]

Hrm... Mostly it seems smart to me. I wouldn't want to be stuck with some 'Nigel No-Fun' if I went to the movies with a friend.
One handy, deceitful tip I can give, just in case if the two do talk to each other and realise you told a big fib to get out of inviting friend B: Make sure that you rehearse some excuse to do with a 'misunderstanding', and tell friend A that you mistakenly thought friend B had said they couldn't come.
That way, you're pretty much in the clear as far as I can see. Just brush up on your lying skills, maybe even go over what you're going to say in your head beforehand.

[Max White]

This isn't like me, I'm losing track of things and it is only 8:30 at night. Give me a second.

Adam has asked me to the movies.  He is trying to get more people to come with us.

One of the people he has suggested is a person I would not like to come along.  However, there is some potential difficulty.  Adam knows that I am inviting Bill out for a social event earlier in the day.  Adam and I are communicating privately.

I don't entirely know how to get out of this, because my reasons not to want to ask Bill to such an event are multi-fold:

a. On meeting feels like that's about enough of Bill
b. Bill is pretty much always late to everything, by egregious amounts (sometimes upwards of 2 hours)
c. Bill has terrible personal hygiene and doesn't get along super-well with Adam
d. Bill does not like movies
e. Bill has a friend Charlie from his college visiting right now, and I don't know a damned thing about Charlie (interests, personality, name, gender)
f. Bill is almost impossible to contact via any means.


So, at the moment, the plan of attack is:

Tell Adam that I'll see about Bill--"I'll see tomorrow, but you know that he has Charlie staying with him right now."

Go meet Bill tomorrow.  If Charlie comes along, evaluate him.

If I end up liking Charlie and Bill isn't incredibly irritating, ask them to come along (they probably won't be able to come).

If I don't, tell Friend Adam that things didn't work out and they couldn't come (they couldn't, because I didn't ask them).


The reason why I think this will work is that Adam and Bill have almost no social contact whatsoever, and thus there is no reason to think that Bill will assume he deserves to be invited; the reason why this is sticky is because I do not want to look like a friendless, ungraceful lout.


Is this smart or stupid?

That is better!

Smart, but anti-social. It might very well work for you, and I would do it. Hell, if you think you can get away with it, why not?

If you wish to do the social thing, then be more transparent and tell A that you would rather not have B and C there, and tell B that you would rather spend some time with just A. They might take it very well, or they might not, but then again no relationship between freinds is all smiles and roses. If your walking on eggshells, you need to build a stronger friendship.

[Mindmaker]

So you're just asking/pretend-asking friend B, so you don't look like you have no friends?
Did I get that right?

I honestly wouldn't bother.
If I'm not enjoying someones company, I'm not inviting them, quite simple. The more, the merrier, only applies in some specific cases (or in my case doesn't apply at all).
You got invited because he likes you for the person you are and not for potential friends you could bring along.

Just have some confidence in yourself.

_{I also really dislike lying.}

[Virex]

What's wrong with saying up front that you don't get along all that well with B? Or are you hoping that C will compensate for that?

[shadenight123]

"low social contact" is different from "no social contact"
it might so badly happen (unluckily) that friend Alpha asks friend BIllie "why are you not coming? come on bro! it's movies!"
billie:"i didn't know there were movies! i'm coming! Vector didn't tell me!"
alpha:"oh myyy"
billie:"i knowwww it's shoooo...sad"

...
i suck at making parodies.
that said, it's a movie, i doubt they will talk during a movie.
Just try to sit next to A and not to B, & C.
or maybe since C is in town, B might actually NOT be able to come having to show C around...right?

[Patchouli]

Even if the chances of B&C coming are low, I'd rather err on the side that doesn't involve lying, because getting caught would be very embarrassing. Especially since there doesn't seem to be much reason to lie in the first place.

I'd just ask them to go. Although A might not get along with B, if A is suggesting that B should go, A might just want to show some good nature. No biggie. And like shadenight said, it's just a movie. If it's really unbearable, you could just split after.

Or at the very least, if you really don't want them to come and it's seriously going to affect your enjoyment, tell A straight up that you're not too sure about inviting them.

[Vector]

"low social contact" is different from "no social contact"

Fuck!  I forgot about this.


Yeah, thanks, guys.  I think I'm just going to tell him the truth and go with that.  I wasn't sure if it was okay or not to blatantly disregard someone else's request like that... hehe.  But whatever.  I don't think it's a big enough event that it'll be an issue.

I wasn't considering this lying so much as telling a very specific and unhelpful truth, but I suppose they would if they found out about it, huh.

[Grakelin]

I'm sorry to hear about that Vector. That one is a real pheromone-killer.