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[acetech09]

Allas Gaschoz, a lead shoe. Not a lead shoe menacing with spikes of diamonds and depicting the end of days, a lead shoe with bands of lead. It is a goddamn irregular shoe that imbunes it's wielder with the magical power to rapidly drown.

Give it to your mayor. I'm sure he'll drown look cool by wearing to a dip in your local stream.

[Benedict Hardy]

A

[Professor Plum]

My current fortress has only two artifacts. Both of them are animal traps. The Drips of Showers a violet spessartine animal trap and Gloomydrenched the Rack of Neutrality an iron animal trap.

[Oaktree]

My current fortress has a dozen artifacts:
 - A recursive cedar bow
- two figurines (one adamantine, one green glass)
- two separate granite earrings
- a buffalo bone crown
- a siltstone amulet
- a rose quartz ring
- a siltstone mug
- siltstone floodgate <-- that might be useful for sealing something off
- a sheep wool thong
and a coffin made of galena.

The coffin is the sole item in the Royal Tomb.

I have a lot of skilled stonecarvers at this point...

[Mount]

I'm more amused by this than disappointed.

One of my dwarves went moody and kept yelling for bones.  To meet his demands I had to order about half of my baby animals slaughtered, including a duckling.  This was a sad, sad day in my fortress.

He made a bone bed called The Permanencies of Guilt.

That made me lol.  And then I hated myself a little. 

My most useless artifact was a kaolinite HATCH COVER. For the record, kaolinite is the "Kao" part of "Kaopectate."  Yeah, my dwarf got possessed, and made a freakin' hatch cover that relieves the symptoms of diarrhea.  I installed it in the dining hall.