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Author Topic: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)  (Read 1808 times)

mattie2009

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Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)
« on: July 11, 2011, 03:34:01 pm »
THE PROJECT

My name is not important. What is important is that somehow, I have been dragged into this inane scheme to get a team of three people with IQs barely into the single digits into space. How did it happen? I have no clue. Why me? If I could answer that one, I'd be at a circus telling people's fortunes. This is my story.



Me: So this is your facility? Heh, what a hole.
James: Yeah. We didn't really get much funding for this. Don't stamp on the floor, or the building might fall over.
Me: Eheh, so why am I here again?
James: To design a rocket for us.

James seemed like a pretty nice guy at the time. Oh, how wrong I was to be proven.


James: This is our engineering bay. We don't have much of a selection, so be careful with what you break.
Me: Not much of a selection?! All I see is an engine, a parachute and a seperator! How am I supposed to get people into space with THIS?!
James: Very carefully. Have fun!

He just walked right the fuck out the door. I cracked my knuckles and set to work. Several hours later, the prototype of the D.I.E. Unity was finished. James walked back in while I was painting the name on the side of this tin can.



James: Good job. Let's get this thing out to the launchpad.
Me: You have a launchpad? I thought we were going to hurl this thing into the air with a medieval catapult.
James: Less lip, or we'll strap you to the side of this deathtrap.

We walked out to the launchpad. It was quite a breathtaking sight. To think we were about to launch people into the air on this.

Me: So what now?
James: Press the button.

I did so. The rocket vanished into the sky like a... well, a rocket. I watched the altimeter. 1000m... 2000... The counter levelled out at 2500m. I punched the button twice more, once to seperate the empty rocket and again to activate the parachute.




As the rocket began to fall, I turned to James.

Me: So how are we going to get those guys back here?
James: Get them back?
Me: Oh, for the love of... Get me a speedboat.
James: If you insist.
Me: And a drink. Get me a fucking drink.
James: Sure, your highness.



I watched the capsule float on the waves as James went to get me a speedboat and a can of soft drink.
This was going to be a loooong week. I watched the cameras. The three idiots strapped into that metal monstrosity were having the time of their fucking lives.

As James waved at me from the ground, I watched a small truck drive into the engineering bay. More parts. Maybe there was something useful in that junk. The elevator dinged, and I stepped inside. I had some morons to rescue.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2011, 04:10:39 pm by mattie2009 »
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Quote from: Execute/Dumbo.exe on November 12, 2014, 01:49:42 am
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breadbocks

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 1: The Project)
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2011, 03:36:41 pm »
Make a decoupler above a 9-coupler, and put 2 liquid tanks and a liquid engine one each prong but the middle, which you attach the next guy's suggestion to.
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Quote from: Burnt Pies on June 13, 2011, 01:18:55 pm
Clearly, cakes are the next form of human evolution.

mattie2009

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 1: The Project)
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2011, 03:38:36 pm »
Quote from: breadbocks on July 11, 2011, 03:36:41 pm
Make a decoupler above a 9-coupler, and put 2 liquid tanks and a liquid engine one each prong but the middle, which you attach the next guy's suggestion to.

All in good time, Breadbocks, my good man.
For now, enjoy the horrible mangling I will ensure occurs in the next update.
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Quote from: Execute/Dumbo.exe on November 12, 2014, 01:49:42 am
Quote from: TGWeaver
Boy
I sure drew a lot of Quorum porn
SOLD.

mattie2009

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2011, 04:10:19 pm »
The Failure

So after the success of our first launch, I sifted through the parts and found a few more rockets and seperators. The D.I.E. Unity Mk2 was born, to my great dismay. As I was wheeling it out to the launchpad, I noticed James wasn't anywhere nearby. Somehow, the three unlucky saps we were about to fling into the air at mach-1 speed were already in the pod.



I hit the button, and the Mk2 shot off the launchpad with a massive whoosh. Eventually, stage 1 hit 0 fuel and got detatched. Stage 2 takes over, and all is well. So far, so good.



Then, disaster. The mechanism to deploy the parachute jammed, and the capsule crashed into the ground like a lead weight.




Me: Well... Shit. That's not good.
James: No shit, sherlock.

James had been standing behind me the whole time. Scared me half to death.

James: Well, no harm done. We'll have another team in by tomorrow.
Me: What. I just killed three people, and you act like I just dropped a rock on your foot.
James: They're a dime a dozen.
Me: And you're a psychopath. I'm gonna go check the supplies and see if we have anything more powerful in there.
James: You do that.

I found a device labelled as a "Tri-Coupler". It seems like it can hold three modules instead of one. Should be useful. I hooked it up with another seperator and grabbed some more engines. This was almost fun. If nothing else, at least we'd break low-orbit before the week was out.
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Quote from: Execute/Dumbo.exe on November 12, 2014, 01:49:42 am
Quote from: TGWeaver
Boy
I sure drew a lot of Quorum porn
SOLD.

breadbocks

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2011, 04:12:49 pm »
NOOOOO JEBEDIAH 1!
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Quote from: Burnt Pies on June 13, 2011, 01:18:55 pm
Clearly, cakes are the next form of human evolution.

Hitty40

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2011, 04:27:45 pm »
What's this game? 'cause i seriosuly wanna play it now just to crash my rocket and kill people.
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Quote from: Wannazzaki on December 23, 2011, 07:39:30 pm
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Ultimuh

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)
« Reply #6 on: July 11, 2011, 04:58:40 pm »
Watching this.

It's a pretty fun game.

@hitty40 http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=88632.0;topicseen
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NRDL

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2011, 11:02:50 am »
Watching. 
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GOD DAMN IT NRDL.
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Roctiv

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)
« Reply #8 on: July 18, 2011, 07:13:19 am »
Watching this.

Do you plan to play with vanilla parts only ?
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Have a dwarven day.

Neonivek

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2011, 07:26:00 am »
So uhhh... what is this game?
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Heron TSG

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2011, 09:21:27 am »
Kerbal Space Program. 'Tis awesome.
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Neyvn

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)
« Reply #11 on: July 18, 2011, 09:31:20 am »
Watching... ^_^
Boom!!!!
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mattie2009

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)
« Reply #12 on: July 18, 2011, 05:31:13 pm »
Quote from: Roctiv on July 18, 2011, 07:13:19 am
Watching this.

Do you plan to play with vanilla parts only ?

Ha! Balls no. Half the fun will be the EXTREMELY fuel-efficient mini-rockets I just got from the goon packs.
I'll update soon, I swear!
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Quote from: Execute/Dumbo.exe on November 12, 2014, 01:49:42 am
Quote from: TGWeaver
Boy
I sure drew a lot of Quorum porn
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Carcanken

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Re: Let's Throw People Into Space (Update 2: The Failure)
« Reply #13 on: July 18, 2011, 10:42:39 pm »
posting to watch
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