Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Jacos]

An extract from my steam chat logs with a friend.

Jacos Darkshine: It was night, and already some Bnozserry Berry seeds had been planted. Being fast growing plants, the most skilled farmer had estimated that in a week or so they would have berry bushes growing fillingberries for them, which would fill them for years to come, even if the berries did have a taste that was unpleasant, and even somewhat mysterious. Meanwhile, the workshops had been finished, and plenty of fishes had been prepared to be eaten. Jacos himself had enjoyed a fine meal of prepared kitten brains, with some Loflun extract, the plant known to have a stout alcoholic extract.
Frank: Kittens
Jacos Darkshine: changed "growing fillingberries for them" to "growing berries for them"
Frank: Ah..
Jacos Darkshine: DO YOU GET THE REFERENCEEEEEEES?!
Frank: Nope, barely played DF
Jacos Darkshine: IT'S NOT THE DWARF FORTREEEEEEESS!
Frank: :O
Frank: Adventure mode?
Frank fails
Jacos Darkshine: I sunk so low! "Bnozserry Berry" "even if the berries did have a taste that was unpleasant, and even somewhat mysterious"
Jacos Darkshine: THE SNOZZ BERRY REFERENCES TASTE LIKE SNOZZBERRIES AND ARE CIRCLED WITH RINGS OF SHAAAAAME!
Frank cowers in fear

[Jacos]

Well, the above extract makes it seems like I am writing some some of big terrible internet joke. Bare in mind, this will be about making jokes about DFs habits and game mechanics, so it will not be entirely accurate. To prove that it will not be one big internet joke, another extract.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

As Jacos walked towards a large caravan, full of supplies, he waved towards a noble reading dozens of scrolls on a table. The noble took a moment to glance at Jacos, and went back to examining whatever it was he was reading. "So, have you decided on a name yet, or am I going to sit around like a lemming until we arrive, just so you can tell me the name of the fortress is Lickingnose or something equally insane and run off?"

The noble looked at Jacos, frowning. "We, errr, have a special system of deciding a name for the fortress. I'd appreciate it if you turned around." Jacos slowly turned, keeping an ear open. He heard the noble rummage through his pocket, and then heard the sound of small pieces of wood rolling on the table. Jacos sighed.

"Hmm... Ahh, here. Two - five - six - one. I really shouldn't of said that out loud, but it's proberly obvious by now." said the noble, turning around. Jacos sighed again. "Just tell me what the god damn name is." The noble put his finger on a scroll slowly moving it down. "Ahh, here. Eternalspooning." Jacos facepalmed. "Haha! Got you there. Now, lets see.."

"Of all the names, Hilariousdestiny?" Jacos grumbled. "Sounds like ill omen." The noble smiled nervously. "Ohh, it's not so bad. Think about those poor souls in Burningsoul the Everlasting Fortress! You have it lucky!" Jacos frowned. "Well, you should be going now, yes? The noble who will be going with you is with the caravan, over there. Well, good luck!"

The characters full name is Jacos Urist Goldpeak. I will probably change Jacos to something else, Jacos is a placeholder for now.

[Supermikhail]

I'm having trouble imagining a coherent humorous 50,000 words springing out of Steam chat... But godspeed.

[Jacos]

What?

It's not being written in steam chat, if that's what you're thinking. I was just telling my friend about it in steam chat.

[Supermikhail]

Oh. I meant it takes more than a simple idea to write a novel. I thought the idea was born during chat and from there it went immediately.

[Jacos]

No, no.
I have a good idea of what will happen through the story.

Sort of.

Anyway, an extract from earlier in the novel. Also, when I say novel, I basically mean "Fairly long story by my standards in which I use unneeded chapters to define different short parts of the book".

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The chief medical Dwarf, who's name was Menglith, finished placing a Hello Wambler Plaster on the injured mans hand with expert presicion. "You.. sure it'll be okay, doc?" The man said, still shuddering from his apparent brush with death. "It felt like an nerve was severed or something." Menglith sighed. "Yes! Don't worry, you'll be fine" he said for the fourth time, and patted the dwarf on the head. The dwarf screamed.

"What's wrong with him?!" Jacos asked, shaking his head. Either this dwarf was mentally ill or the doctor happened to be a legendary fighter and he accidently put force into his pat. The doctor sighed. "He's dead. He had C.Bs-B.P.T.G.D.H Syndrome..." Jacos raised an eyebrow. "Dead? You're kidding, right? You patted him on the head. Anyway, what is this C.B.A.P.T.G.D.H or whatever you called it?" The doctor sighed, covering the patient with a cloth. "He IS dead. It's what we called the Complete Bullshit Factor, it alters the laws of reality and causes many deadly illnesses. In this case, he had Complete Bullshi- Brain Punched Through God Damned Head Syndrome." Jacos' eyebrows went up. He felt sad for the dwarf, even though he wasn't entirely sure that the doctor wasn't just kidding around.

[Sergius]

Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.