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[GlyphGryph]

There are two things I dread in life. Government paperwork, and doctors. (Just the medical kind, not shrinks. I'm fine with shrinks)

The doctor thing is a relatively recent development (last several years) but its gotten to the point that even thinking of visiting a doctor fills me with extreme amounts of dread. I no longer like them. I no longer trust them. And I really don't want to see them, but I suspect I should, because I've got something that seems pretty serious.

Obviously the easy answer is "just set up an appointment already" which is probably what I'll end up doing, but I just feel so sick to my stomache at the prospect, and I can't sleep... Especially since its getting more painful, and I've managed to make it much much worst than it was originally so now I feel guilty as well.

I'm now awake two hours past the time when I should have been asleep on the verge of tears over the thought that I may have to make an appointment. And I'm basically just posting this because I don't know what else to do, and maybe someone will have some useful advice...

Okay, a bit of background:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I've visited doctors maybe a dozen times, and I've almost always been extremely negatively reinforced. (the exception is when I was a young teenager and went twice for stitches) It always ends up with them charging me lots of money to tell them there's nothing they can do to help me and I'll just have to live with it. Fractures (twice), infections, painful cysts, wounds that have bled every day for the last six months... every single time, they'd schedule me for an appointment a week out so I'd have to spend a week completely in the dark stressing about what was wrong with me. Once I saw them, the only advice they can give me is to do the stuff I'd already been doing for a week because it was the first suggestion on Google, and telling me if I want any more I'll have to schedule a followup. And then they charge me 20-200 dollars for the ten minutes it takes for them to decide there's nothing they can do to help me, and if I go to the followups they will charge me again to tell me that there is still nothing they can do to help me, something the secretary could have probably told me over the phone. And then I'm broke, and I can't pay my bills that month.

That's the standard situation and left a sour taste in my mouth, but I accepted it.

The turning point, I think, was when I screwed something up with my back and pretty much had my body locked rigid and in intense pain. My coworkers (I was working on campus) manage to painfully drag me into a car and deliver me to the campus medical center, who promptly turns me away, saying since I graduated the week before they wouldn't help me. I couldn't walk unsupported at this point, and they turned me away. I finally get in to see a doctor at another maybe eight to ten hours by scheduling an appointment, by which time the pain was gone, the doctors had no idea what caused it, and I was charged the rest of my paycheck for the trouble.

So its gotten to the point where I assume that anything wrong with me will fix itself in time, or it will just be something I have to live with, and visiting a doctor just means I will be left in exactly the same situation I was before I visited, expect without any money left.

To make it worse, my personal experience is generally better than that of the rest of my family, as I've had so little riding on them beyond pain or discomfort or a little blood. I've had relatives die in hospital because of screw ups by doctors and nurses, and my brother is only alive because my mother ignored the first three doctors she talked to until she found one that actually believed her about his condition (which she'd researched online, it turns out correctly). Had she followed the the advice of any of the first three doctors, he would likely now be dead.

The cherry on top is that my girlfriend now works in the medical industry, so a lot of her stories end up being about the doctors, and of course the sort of situations that come up in stories are usually not the good ones. :/

So now my trust in doctors is pretty much nil. My belief that going to a doctor will make things better, rather than worse, is pretty much nil. The only type of medical situation where I have ANY trust left at all is the ER, to the point where I would rather wait five hours at the ER than see a general practitioner,

[ChairmanPoo]

What do you want exactly? Advice on how to cope with your "phobia" (for lack of a better job), discussing the situation...?

[Retro]

While health care is free for me, my attitude towards doctors is pretty similar to yours. Not once in the last four years has anything I've had been taken seriously, including when I had a torn lateral meniscus and was told to 'walk it off, I'd be fine' every single month for a year. I could barely walk with a cane and it was incredibly painful to do so. For an entire year. And no doctor changed their mind that I'd just magically get better soon even though the evidence presented, up until the ninth or tenth month, indicated that I wasn't getting better at all (and for a brief period, was getting worse).

So advice-wise... I don't think what you're feeling is unreasonable or that unusual, but if you think you've got something serious there's not really anything to do but grit your teeth, pretend to be optimistic, and go back in.

[GlyphGryph]

Yeah, mostly just advice on coping with the anxiety, I guess. The writing it out helped a bit at least.

I agree with Retro that my generally low opinion of doctors is arguably reasonable - but the anxiety I feel over the concept not so much. Normal phobias I know how to to deal - escalating exposure coupled with regular low level positive reinforcement. Obviously that's not much of an option here.

[Zangi]

Where is this place of medical horrorsincompetence? 

If I was you... I'd find a doctor that is not... around where you get your normal doctoring.  It may be worth it to go a bit further. 

Any recommendations from friends/family around the area?  Someone has to know a decent... if not good doctor...

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Yeah, get family and friends to tell you their positive doctor experiences and suggest a good one to you. These days we don't seem to do that as much, you just go to whatever doctor your insurance will cover. Totally keep your wits about you and speak up for yourself.

Example: I know that lawyers have codes of ethics that require they keep their clients in the loop when it comes to their specific case.

There's no reason why a doctor should be any different! Yes doctors might not like to hear from a patient who did his own research. But that's a good sign the doctor doesn't care about explaining why your research didn't find the right answer.

When it comes down to it the doc is getting paid too much money to just tell you "me not know, take Keflex and see if better."

[MetalSlimeHunt]

I say your position is completely justified. Remember this: Doctors are not out to help you, or anyone else. They are out to make money, and a lot of it, which sometimes involves helping you and other times involves stringing out expensive treatments and tests. I haven't trusted doctors in the slightest for many, many years. The last time I was ever helped by members of the medical profession was when I was given vaccinations as a small child, and never once since. All the times since then, they've pretty much done what you experianced: "Alright, your extensive physical and blood work results have finally come in. I have no idea what's wrong with you, and can give you no attempted treatment without knowing that. Now, give me two-hundred dollars and get the fuck out."

Given this history, I've been doing my best to avoid doctors and hospitals. I plan to stick with over-the-counter medication and internet-gained medical knowlage as much as possible, which has so far been always.

[Korbac]

Thank god for the NHS! 

[Nadaka]

I also have a problem with doctors.

I spent most of my childhood sick. It started with a bad case of Mono that lasted 6 months. After that I had a very weak immune system and I kept getting sinus infections and every illness you could think of. The doctors kept giving me antibiotics, even when they said I had a virus. I was one of the earliest diagnosed cases of Chronic Fatigue and Immuno Deficiency Syndrome back in the 80s.

By the time I was a teenager, the doctors just assumed I was faking it to get out of going to school even though I actually loved school. Telling me that the pain and all my symptoms were just in my head. They nearly sent me to a mental institution because of it. Fortunately I managed to get a cat scan where they found out that I had a sinus infection with pressure intense enough to crack my skull slowly from the inside and I had had it for years.

I pretty much avoided doctors ever since, and feel like I have been healthier for it. I still get sick more often than most people, but unless I cut my finger off or have the plague I just don't go to the doctor. trouble is that I am over 30 now and starting to have problems like dangerously high blood pressure.

[Bouchart]

I haven't been to the doctor in almost 8 years.  It helps that I haven't had any serious health problems.

Doctors don't make any money by actually curing people.  They make their money by dragging out treatment and making you suffer.

[ChairmanPoo]

[obvious sarcasm]

Hell yeah! Damn doctors! I bet noone would get sick, ever, if it wasn't for them!

[/obvious sarcasm]

[malimbar04]

The trouble with doctors is that they're still your best bet. The nice psychologists don't know jack, and neither do any of the alternative medicine people. If you want to get healthy, you'll need to do it through someone that knows the medicine.

What you had was a crappy doctor, so I'd recommend finding another one. Look for recommendations from other people. As for the cost, I don't know how to help you. A lot of treatments are expensive, and doctors time is particularly expensive. It would help if you had insurance, but then good insurance is expensive as well.

From experience, doctors don't really respect online research. The problem is that it more often than not leads the patient to a complete self diagnosis that is completely wrong. However, it's basically free and gives you a good starting point to ask questions from. When you see a doctor, ask them a !@#$ load of questions until you understand exactly what is going on with your body and why it is doing what it's doing.