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[Aussiemon]

So the assignment was to write a sonnet in iambic pentameter form.
Three stanzas, four lines apiece, ten syllables per line, and a romantic couplet to top it off.

Without further ado:

Onward, my Dwarves go out to strike the earth,
at this embark the dire wolves are wary.
Throughout the winter we must build our hearth,
because terrifying embarks are quite scary.

Skeletal groundhogs are a fearsome sight,
to my poor Dwarves awash with crippling fear.
If you would like to cure some Dwarven fright,
then nothing is as good as Dwarven beer.

But alas, I digress, one thing is best,
for tantrum spiral or berserk grandma.
It will solve all your problems ‘pon request,
use careful application of magma.

If a Dwarf should want to have a lil’ fun,
then please, I beseech you, run now; just run.


Thoughts? I've seen some excellent DF poetry threads before.

[Girlinhat]

Was...  W-Was this a school assignment?!

[Aussiemon]

Not the Dwarf Fortress part, sadly

I was one of two that got the references, even more sadly.

[Skivverus]

Sadly, the rhythm's off (try reading it out loud if you don't see what I mean) - while iambic pentameter does mean ten syllables per line (which, by my reading, you've also missed on line four), this is because you're supposed to have five "beats" per line (hence the "pentameter"), where each beat consists of one unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable.
Why they call that unstressed/stressed pattern an "iamb" I have no idea, but that's the term.

Taking the first line as an example (stressed syllables have been italicized):
"Onward, my Dwarves go out to strike the earth,"

Looks good, rhythm-wise... except for "onward", which has the exact reverse stress pattern (which, for those familiar with poetry-jargon, is called a "trochee" for similarly unknown reasons). I would suggest removing it and adding a different word or (or pair of words) elsewhere in the line.

For the rest of it, well, have a second look at it yourself bearing what I've said in mind.

[GTM]

Two things:

1) love the poem!! And sonnets are a challenging but satisfying choice

2) Is there any trick to figuring out the stressed syllables? It seems really subjective, prone to differences in dialects and poetic license.  Is it just supposed to be based on dictionary style stress marks?  If so, wouldn't it be more in the spirit to use Elizabethan era stress?

[Skivverus]

2) Is there any trick to figuring out the stressed syllables? It seems really subjective, prone to differences in dialects and poetic license.  Is it just supposed to be based on dictionary style stress marks?  If so, wouldn't it be more in the spirit to use Elizabethan era stress?

There are modern sonnets, believe it or not.

As for it being a subjective judgment - to a degree, yes; there may be some differences between dialects on the stresses for particular words just as there are differences between dialects on vowel sounds and idioms. But to the extent that it's a dialect rather than a different language entirely, stress will mostly stay the same. Read a few of Shakespeare's sonnets, and you'll notice a few places where the words no longer rhyme; the same cannot be said for rhythm.
And no, it's not supposed to be based on the dictionary; the dictionary is supposed to be based on the way the words are actually said. (This is why they have to make new dictionaries)

[Poindexterity]

this is officially my favorite forum of all time.
no one flamed the dude.
people offered constructive criticism!
NO ONE POINTED OUT SPELLING ERRORS!

are you guys sure this is really the internet?

[Aussiemon]

this is officially my favorite forum of all time.
no one flamed the dude.
people offered constructive criticism!
NO ONE POINTED OUT SPELLING ERRORS!

are you guys sure this is really the internet?

I know right? Without a doubt! And were there spelling errors (beyond the clipped words)? I didn't notice any, at least.

Also, I knew about the stresses on the syllables, but that wasn't a requirement of the assignment. They did seem to be dependent on dialect to me as well. Thanks for clearing that up somewhat!

[Girlinhat]

Spelling depending on if you're British or not, most times...

[cog disso]

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