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Author Topic: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books  (Read 14335 times)

G-Flex

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #60 on: December 01, 2010, 02:05:17 am »
Quote from: Leafsnail on November 30, 2010, 06:30:36 pm
Spoiler: Here it is (click to show/hide)
Oh dear god.

My first (unfortunate) thought: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_insemination
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Vector

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #61 on: December 01, 2010, 02:07:21 am »
Picture of bedbug penis:

Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

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Lord Shonus

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #62 on: December 01, 2010, 08:04:00 am »
Probably the worst author for these is Jean Auel in her Earth's Children books (the books are great, as long as you skip the right parts.) The Mammoth one in The Plains of Passage is probably the worst of the lot.
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V-Norrec

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #63 on: December 01, 2010, 09:28:16 am »
I forget what book it was (I went and got my money back as soon as I got to this part) but it included some angel-like character having kinky (BDSM kind of kink) sex with some sort of noble character.  Before this it had a couple other of these angel-like characters discussing who they should go prostitute themselves to for information or something.  I was about 1/2 way through the book but I just couldn't handle the angel characters being so. . . non-angelic.

It was in a fantasy book, wait, it was Ed Greenwood's Dark Lord.  I just didn't like it, although it appears to be relatively tame by this threads standards.
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Leafsnail

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #64 on: December 01, 2010, 01:32:03 pm »
Quote from: G-Flex on December 01, 2010, 02:05:17 am
My first (unfortunate) thought: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_insemination
Quote
The penis of a Callosobruchus analis bean weevil. Some species of insect have evolved spiny penises, which damage the female reproductive tract. This has triggered an evolutionary arms race in which females use various techniques to resist being bred.
Eww... what the fuck, nature.  That passage just became about 100% worse for me.
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Nikov

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #65 on: December 01, 2010, 04:23:20 pm »
Quote from: Vector on December 01, 2010, 02:07:21 am
Picture of bedbug penis:

Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

Ribbed for her pleasure. What does that even mean.
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Quote from: DJ on March 20, 2011, 08:35:32 am
I should probably have my head checked, because I find myself in complete agreement with Nikov.

Bauglir

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #66 on: December 01, 2010, 05:03:53 pm »
-snip-
« Last Edit: June 18, 2015, 01:59:19 pm by Bauglir »
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In the days when Sussman was a novice, Minsky once came to him as he sat hacking at the PDP-6.
“What are you doing?”, asked Minsky. “I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe” Sussman replied. “Why is the net wired randomly?”, asked Minsky. “I do not want it to have any preconceptions of how to play”, Sussman said.
Minsky then shut his eyes. “Why do you close your eyes?”, Sussman asked his teacher.
“So that the room will be empty.”
At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.

Vector

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #67 on: December 01, 2010, 05:04:43 pm »
Quote from: Bauglir on December 01, 2010, 05:03:53 pm
Quote from: Nikov on December 01, 2010, 04:23:20 pm
Quote from: Vector on December 01, 2010, 02:07:21 am
Picture of bedbug penis:

Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

Ribbed for her pleasure. What does that even mean.

It means that we humans aren't imitating bedbugs enough in our contraceptives, that's what.

Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

Bauglir

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #68 on: December 01, 2010, 05:06:09 pm »
-snip-
« Last Edit: June 18, 2015, 02:00:54 pm by Bauglir »
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In the days when Sussman was a novice, Minsky once came to him as he sat hacking at the PDP-6.
“What are you doing?”, asked Minsky. “I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe” Sussman replied. “Why is the net wired randomly?”, asked Minsky. “I do not want it to have any preconceptions of how to play”, Sussman said.
Minsky then shut his eyes. “Why do you close your eyes?”, Sussman asked his teacher.
“So that the room will be empty.”
At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.

fqllve

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #69 on: December 01, 2010, 05:07:04 pm »
Quote from: Bauglir on December 01, 2010, 05:06:09 pm
Yeah, I'd better be going to no fewer than 5 separate, simultaneous Hells for that suggestion.

I can almost forgive you for making me read that now.
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Quote from: Dutchling on March 07, 2013, 12:29:41 pm
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Leafsnail

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #70 on: December 01, 2010, 05:08:46 pm »
Competition between the sexes can lead to some fairly ridiculous arrangements.  I mean, think black widow spider, angler fish or mallard duck.

Suddenly humans seem like towering beacons of sexual equality.
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Earthquake Damage

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #71 on: December 01, 2010, 05:22:36 pm »
Quote from: Vector on December 01, 2010, 02:07:21 am
Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
Quote from: Vector on December 01, 2010, 05:04:43 pm
Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

Vector is Charlie Brown.  This explains everything.
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Vector

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #72 on: December 01, 2010, 05:24:51 pm »
Quote from: Earthquake Damage on December 01, 2010, 05:22:36 pm
Vector is Charlie Brown.  This explains everything.

Good grief.  My stomach hurts already... why'd you have to out me like that?  Now it's only getting worse, and the little red-headed girl will never talk to me D:
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

Heron TSG

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Re: Most awkward/hilarious sex scenes in books
« Reply #73 on: December 01, 2010, 08:25:59 pm »
I can't imagine how or why weevils are still alive after reading that quote.
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