It's been too long. Time to sharpen your knives, dust off the black leather cowboy hat, take off your sunglasses, and kick some Vietcong ass.
If you weren't around for the first chapter of the story, I'll be posting it for posterity, seeing as the old one was part of VN and can no longer be seen save by the enigmatic Guardians of VN (I am one. No, I can't tell you about our secret initiation rites, but I can tell you we have secret initiation rites).
For the uninitiated, Dash Gunmetal is a tale of valor. A tale of good vs. evil. A tale of a psychic vampire cowboy and his struggle against King Snakeeyes during the Vietnam war. I wrote it because Barbarossa the Seal God had posted a lolsorandum story and I wanted to show what a bad story is supposed to look like. He thanked me by stealing it and posting it on a different forum. >:c
Now, the Part 2 of the Saga is to be unveiled, and I'm also working on a screenplay off and on.
Echoes of War
By Cthulhu
Chapter 1: A New Threat
The year is 1969. In Vietnam there is a military base in the jungles of Vietnam. Sitting in the bar in that base, drinking Tequila with no sugar, is a man. That man is Dash Gunmetal. That's Staff Sergeant Dash Gunmetal to you. Dash wears a black trenchcoat, a black cowboy hat, and a pair of dark sunglasses. His boots are made of snakeskin and have spikes made of alligator teeth. A .huge calibore revolver sits in a holster at his side. He has knives.
Suddenly, Commander Wolf Grayskull enters the bar. "Gunmetal!" he says, "We need you to assassinate the Vietcong leader, General Snakeeyes!"
Dash removes his sunglasses. "I already know that." He says, and takes off his sunglasses.
"Of course, Gunmetal. I forgot you can see the future." Commander Grayskull says apologetically. Dash pushes up his sunglasses out of his eyes and peers at Grayskull with eyes that had no pupils. For Dash is a vampire.
Dash finishes off his bottle of vodka and walks out. He loads his revolver and jumps into the air. His vampire powers allow him to jump all the way out of the base and into the jungle. But it's not a jungle. The Vietcong have used nanobots to turn Vietnam into a futuristic city. Dash takes off his sunglasses, since it's nighttime now, and walks into a seedy bar.
"Where is General Snakeeyes?" He asks viciously. The bartender pulls out a gun! Quick as lightning, quick as a cobra, quick as a barracuda, quick as a moray eel, quick as a sea anemone, quick as a fast, Dash pulls out his knives and cuts the bartender's throat. Everyone pulls out katanas. Dash knows he'll need to see well, so he takes off his sunglasses. It is time to kill.
Chapter 2: Visions of the Past
Dash Gunskull draws his revolver and shoots the first guy. He is blown in half. Another guy jumps from a balcony with a katana and dash parries and knocks the katana out of his hand and slashes him in the chest and then cuts his arms off and then cuts off his head. He shoots another guy behind him, and it goes in slow motion. Three guys shoot at him with machineguns and he bends down to dodge the bullets like in the Matrix. One of the bullets hits his sunglasses and they break.
"Now I'm angry" he says and jumps on the guy and drinks his blood. The blood gives him superspeed and he kills another guy with his claws. He kills more people with his claws, until only one guy is left. Dash picks him up and slams him against the wall. "Where is General Snakeeyes?!"
"I don't speak English" he responded. Gunmetal, disappointed, blows him up with his mind powers because he has mind powers. He walks outside and sees a tower in the distance. It says in neon letters THE HOME OF GENERAL SNAKEEYES.
Chapter 3: A Dark Revelation
Dash jumped to the top of the tower and subdued the guards. Then he killed them. He walked down the stairs into General Snakeeyes Throne Room. But General Snakeeyes wasn't no longer General of the Vietcong. He was now king of Vietnam.
"I am no longer General of the Vietcong, I am now King of Vietnam!" he said from atop his pet dragon. Using his super-vision, Dash saw that Snakeeyes wasn't a human. He was a terminator and also a vampire. Snakeeyes' dragon breathed fire at Dash, and Dash jumped out of the way. The dragon turned into a werewolf and charged at him. Dash fought hard and tried to avoid being bitten because werewolf poison is poisonous. He slashed it in the paw and it howled. It slashed him in the hand he howled. Its poison was now in his veins. He shot it in the head and it exploded, sending shrapnel everywhere. Dash was wounded. General Snakeeyes would have to wait for another day. Dash jumped out the window, but landed on the ground safely, for he was a vampire. He pushed a button in his pocket that called his car to him. It drove up and he got in. He drove 100 miles an hour away, but there were cars chasing him. He leaned out and shot a car. It exploded. The other cars started shooting at him and he dodged through a fruit stand. He knew he had to go faster to get away, so he pushed a button on the car's dashboard. It turned into a motorcycle. He went 200 miles an hour now. The cars did the same, and now he was in a motorcycle chase. He turned at an exit ramp and ended up on a giant deathrace track where the track was a hundred feet off the ground and looped and stuff. It was time to kill.
Chapter 4: Dangerous Knowledge
Dash drove down the racetrack with the motorcycles behind him. He used an oil slick and one of the motorcycles fell into a pit full of robot sharks. He died. Dash ramped off of a ramp and did a 180. He opened the roof of his motorcycle, because it was one of those enclosed motorcycles like in Spyhunter. He pulled out his revolver and shot two of the motorcycles before turning around and landed on the ground. There was only one motorcycle left and it could fly. Dash tried to get away but it shot missiles at him. He dodged them and they hit a school bus.
"No!" Dash shouted, and remembered his secret weapon. He jumped out of the motorcycle and pulled off his sunglasses. He pushed a button and they started beeping. He threw them like a boomerang and they hit the flying motorcycle. They stuck to it and it used an EMP to shut it down. He ran away for in thirty seconds they would explode and they were a nuclear bomb. At 29 seconds he jumped forward and dove to the ground as they exploded, blowing up General Snakeeyes city of evil.
Chapter 5: Shadows of the Future
Dash returned to the base, but it was destroyed and on fire. He ran to Commander Grayskull, but he was dead.
"Ha ha ha, I have the Star of Power!" King Snakeyes cackled. Dash turned around and saw him holding a magical star. "You fool! The Dragonball from Dragonball Z is here in your base and I have it to make a wish!" He said. He flew away.
"I swear, King Snakeeyes, I'll revenge you for what you've done" Dash said, and threw his sunglasses to the ground in anger.
To be continued? <Yes, right now>
Here it is:
Echoes of Courage
By Cfoofoo
Chapter 1: Another New Threat
Dash Gunmetal takes off his sunglasses and hat, looking down at Commander Grayskull's body. "You may be dead, Commander, but I'll get revenge and bring you back to life with the Dragonball Z." He puts his hat back on, then takes off his sunglasses and places them on Grayskull's rugged, dead face as a reminder that he would return. They would both return.
Dash stood up, and stood still. His super-hearing picked up movement, because he is also part wolf but doesn't have fur or anything because that's stupid. He said one word, "Ash..." Suddenly, the outhouse nearby for soldiers to go to the bathroom -- except Dash because vampires don't go to the bathroom because they drink blood and the blood goes into their blood -- exploded! Out stepped a man who looked just like Dash but instead of knives he had a sword and instead of sunglasses he had a different pair of sunglasses that looked the same but were different somehow. Also he had two revolvers.
The mysterious man looked over at Dash, "Hello Dash, it's your evil twin, Ash Gunskull." It was Dash's evil twin, Ash Gunskull.
"I already knew that." Dash said, and hurled his sunglasses at Ash. Ash shot them in midair and they exploded like a grenade and everyone dodged. Ash charged at Dash with his sword and Dash pulled out his knives and slashed Ash.
"Don't you think you're being rash, Dash?" Ash ashked. Dash cried out in pain and his sunglasses fell off. He fell to his knees, because he's allergic to rhymes. Ash pulled out his revolvers, but then put one back because he only needed one. He aimed it at Dash's head. "Say hello to the Devil for me, Dash..."
He pulled the trigger.
To be continued?
Yes, right now.
Chapter 2: To Find the Lost
Right as Ash pulled the trigger Dash bit his lip. The bullet flew out of the gun in slow motion at Dash's head, but then the blood took hold and Dash went super-fast but it was still slow motion. Dash rolled out of the way of the bullet and stood up. He slashed Ash's gun in half and pulled out his own revolver. Before Ash could react he aimed it at his face. "I already met the Devil. I kicked his ass."
Dash pulled the trigger. Ash's head blew up but instead of blood it was nanobots. Ash turned into a cloud of nanobots and flew away to Australia.
"I see you got an upgrade, Ash..." Dash couldn't do that because he wasn't a cyborg. Cyborgs are evil, and Dash is a grim hero. Instead he ran really fast and jumped all the way to Australia. Once he got to Australia he looked around. Ash's nanobots had already taken over Australia and turned it into a futuristic city. Dash pondered, "Ash must've helped turn Vietnam into a futuristic city too... I have some questions that need to be answered..."
Dash went to a seedy bar and walked up to the bartender. "Where's Ash Gunstkull?" He said. The bartender pulled out a katana!
He pointed toward the Sydney Opera House with it. "Ash is there, listening to classical music."
Dash snarled. Classical music was for robots. Grim Heroes listened to bands like Motorhead. Just then, the roof exploded and a robot jumped into the room! He lifted his arms and sprayed bullets everywhere because his arms were machineguns. Everyone but Dash died because Dash ducked. Dash looked at the robot and realized it was Steve Irwin. He pulled off his sunglasses. It was time to kill.
Chapter 3: Betrayal
The robot laughed. "Ha ha! I am Steve Irwin Robot mate! Ash Gunskull sends his regards!" The robot summoned a robot crocodile and it attacked Dash. It bit Dash on the leg and threw him to the ground but Dash shot it with his gun. Just as he stood up Steve Irwin Robot punched him in the face with his robot arms because he could also turn his machineguns into hands. Dash's sunglasses flew off and broke.
"Now I'm angry," Dash said and pulled out his knives. He slashed at SIR but his armor was made of armor and he couldn't cut it. Dash put on his sunglasses. It was time to run.
Dash ran away and climbed up a building. He needed to think. He had only thinked a few seconds when Steve Irwin Robot climbed up the building after him. Dash pulled out his revolver and shot it in the head. The bullet flew in slow motion and hit SIR in the head but bounced off. The robot charged Dash and Dash dodged. The robot was really fast though and punched him in the chest. Dash's ribs flew out and he was bleeding. He fell on the ground and Steve Irwin robot started stomping on him, knocking more ribs out. Once he had knocked out twenty ribs he flew away.
Dash was lying on the roof and was thinking he probably will die. "I probably will die" he said.
"You can't die, Dash." Dash looked up and Wolf Grayskull's ghost was standing there. "You can't die because you're the only one who can stop King Snakeeyes."
Dash spit out teeth and a rib. "But how do you know?"
Wolf Grayskull pulled down his glasses to reveal eyes that had no pupils. "I can see the future," he said.
Dash gasped! "Dad!" It turned out Wolf Grayskull was Dash Gunmetal's dad.
"Yes son, I am your dad. I know you will defeat King Snakeeyes, and your brother too. And also Steve Irwin Robot. Goodbye, my son. Don't use the dragonball to wish for me to come back. You'll know what to wish for because I'm going to tell you right now. Wish for..."
"Yes, father?" Dash cried out. But Wolf was gone. He ran out of time and had to go back to the afterlife. Dash yelled "Noooo!" and threw his sunglasses to the ground. Then he stood up and put his ribs back in. He would need them all to defeat his enemies, and he would succeed...
Chapter 4: The Taste of Revenge
Dash stood on the roof and looked around. He needed to destroy Steve Irwin Robot first so he wouldn't join the fight against Ash Gunskull. He couldn't see him because Steve Irwin Robot was behind him the whole time. He pushed Dash off the roof! As Dash was falling he turned around and shot a grappling hook out of his revolver. It hooked onto SIR's head and Dash pulled himself up. Just before he got there SIR pulled the hook off and dropped him but Dash grabbed the edge and jumped up. He tried to punch the robot but he was so tough he couldn't. The robot just laughed and flew away. As he was flying away Dash threw his sunglasses at him. They stuck to him and were a tracking device so Dash could follow him.
Dash pulled out his phone and dialed a number. A black fighter jet flew up and Dash jumped in. He flew after the robot and shot missiles but the robot dodged and landed on the jet. It punched the windshield and Dash ejected, knocking SIR away. As he was flying he got out of his ejection seat and jumped really fast at SIR. Dash grabbed it by the leg and threw it through a building. The building exploded and knocked down a bunch more buildings. Dash jumped down and landed in the wreckage. He pulled off his sunglasses and cleaned them, then threw them on the ground. He looked around, suspecting SIR was still alive. He was right.
SIR stood up but he was all broken and missing an arm. Only one eye was working and it glowed red like fire if fire were red and not orange. Dash Gunmetal looked and saw The Stingray Buffet, a restaurant. The destruction of the buildings had damaged it and there was a big girder sticking out of the wall. SIR went to punch Dash but Dash dodged and grabbed his leg and threw him to the ground. Dash picked him up by the neck, jumped up into the air, and slammed him into the girder, impaling him through the chest. Steve Irwin Robot said one last thing....
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The impalement had broken his speech module. The robot twitched and shut down.
Dash nodded calmly to himself. Then he took off his sunglasses and put them on the robot because that was his calling card now. He was about to say "Stick around" but someone already said that. He turned to the horizon, where he could see the Sydney Opera House. "You're next, Ash Gunskull..."
TO BE CONTINUED
Feel free to comment. Critique my intentional badness. What can I do to make the story worse?
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Topic: The Dash Gunmetal Saga - Part 2 (Read 1332 times)