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[moocowmoo]

HA HA HA Disregard that, it's very silly.

AKA: It's bad enough when you go onto a "zomg medicaments are bad" paranoia elsewhere, but in a thread where a guy has stated that he is seriously pondering suicide, such rants are not merely misinformed, but almost criminally negligent.

Let's also disregard that many anti depressant have the side effect "increased risk of suicide", yes?

OP it's good you're talking about it. Offline is preferable (find a trustworthy counselor) but writing about it can help too. I know it may sound trite, but try clean up all the basic stuff like healthy diet and adequate sleep and exercise. Maybe it won't help, but it's sure not gonna hurt, unlike taking psychiatric medication (calculated risk... it helps some people, sends others off the deep end). So exercise and get rid of processed sugar and caffeine etc, I think we highly underestimate how treating our body affects mood. Maybe you're doing all that stuff already, I don't know. Good luck.

[BigJake]

Thanks again.  Getting some of this shit off of my chest has actually helped some, i think.
Shit I've never told a soul, but here I am spilling my guts on the Dwarf Fortress forums XD

Know what? My agnostic atheism actually makes me value my life more.

I mean, think about it. Without gods and similar all you do in your life is determined by you alone. You are able to do good stuff, and not because some god secretly moves you like a chesspiece. No! You do it because you want it. Because you have the might to live your life as you want.

I don`t think that suicide is something bad. I mean, it`s just a legit exit if you don`t want to live anymore. But why should you kill yourself? There is always a new dawn. For example, the guys in your class are assholes? Hey, you`ll never see them again! You break up with a girl? Hey, there are millions of them

Those are much the same reasons I value other's lives more.  For some reason I just can't get that shit to apply to me in my own head.  There's this hole of apathy that follows me around, sucking in everything that has to do with me and my own good.  Eg.  I'm basically unemployed right now, I barely have enough money to eat.  Went out with a couple friends the other night and spent every cent I had picking up the tab.  The fact that I was now going to live on cigarettes for 3 days didn't even enter my head.  I wanted to see my friends smile.

[BigJake]

And on the topic of meds;  I've watched my best friend suffer through bipolar disorder and every med they've fucking got in the pharmacy.  No fucking thanks.

[Lordinquisitor]

Those are much the same reasons I value other's lives more. For some reason I just can't get that shit to apply to me in my own head.  There's this hole of apathy that follows me around, sucking in everything that has to do with me and my own good.  Eg.  I'm basically unemployed right now, I barely have enough money to eat.  Went out with a couple friends the other night and spent every cent I had picking up the tab.  The fact that I was now going to live on cigarettes for 3 days didn't even enter my head.  I wanted to see my friends smile.

So you care about others, hmm? Let`s see.. Maybe you should do some voluntary work? Maybe it would help you if you work with people that are worse off than you. You know, people who have to struggle everyday to survive.. I guess that might help. It`s worth a try, especially considering that you have not much to do at the moment anyway, or?

[BigJake]

Those are much the same reasons I value other's lives more. For some reason I just can't get that shit to apply to me in my own head.  There's this hole of apathy that follows me around, sucking in everything that has to do with me and my own good.  Eg.  I'm basically unemployed right now, I barely have enough money to eat.  Went out with a couple friends the other night and spent every cent I had picking up the tab.  The fact that I was now going to live on cigarettes for 3 days didn't even enter my head.  I wanted to see my friends smile.

So you care about others, hmm? Let`s see.. Maybe you should do some voluntary work? Maybe it would help you if you work with people that are worse off than you. You know, people who have to struggle everyday to survive.. I guess that might help. It`s worth a try, especially considering that you have not much to do at the moment anyway, or?

I volunteer 3 days a week at the hospital, weekends at the animal shelter my friend works at and I live right behind a catholic church (Which has a solid copper roof worth hundreds of thousands of dollars :/) that I pop my head in when they're doing something worthwhile.

That's the shit I got down pat. 

I don't get a warm fuzzy feeling, though.  I don't get some supreme feeling of satisfaction that would dissuade me of my suicidal thoughts.  I help folks; it's what I do.  Automatic even, an obligation.  Even here just about all I do is trying to answer folk's questions, help em out. 

Then we get to me and that cloud of apathy sucks it in and I don't give a shit anymore.  I like to think I'm not a stupid guy; I can at least identify the means and causes that make me do the shit that I do.  But that, that baffles me.

Anyway, I think I'm going to wrap up the sob-session here.  I'm going to try to talk to em tonight so we'll see how that goes.

[Lordinquisitor]

Talking to them won`t kill you.   

Sorry for the pun.. I feel so bad right now.

[BigJake]

Sorry for the pun, but talking to them won`t kill you.

I feel so bad right now.

No worries, I laughed

[KaguroDraven]

Talking to them won`t kill you.   

Sorry for the pun.. I feel so bad right now.

As you should, puns are evil.

[BigJake]

He who would pun would pick a pocket.

_{Really, Jake, derailing your own serious business thread?}

[Lordinquisitor]

At least you can take things seriously. I can`t take anything seriously at all most of the time.

(Should it read serious or seriously by the way?)

[BigJake]

Serious is an adjective and noun, seriously is an adverb.  You've got the right one, I think.

[Lordinquisitor]

At least. 

So, i`ll go to bed soon and i will just give one last advice: Don`t kill yourself right now.

Wait for a more appropriate situation.. Like, you have to activate a nuclear bomb to save the world from aliens/demons or demonic aliens.

Oh, and good luck talking to your parents. Probably i wouldn`t say "I want to kill myself" bluntly but would slowly lead to it. You could begin with an "You know, i feel somewhat empty and i don`t think i`m goin anywhere.." Etc. Etc.

[ChairmanPoo]

Chairman you are mistaken on many levels of that statement.
.

O rly? Lets see

First of all, I am not being paranoid. I am perfectly aware that medicine is a good thing, I just prefer not to take it, this way when I need it my immune system hasn't had time to grow immune to the medication.

Fail. Not all medications induce tolerance. And the immune system has nothing to do with it, unless you are taking some odd non-humanized biologic. This is also irrelevant to the topic at hand because he is no

But the fact is medcine IS often given to people who do not need it, for several reasons, the most obvious of which being humans are inherantly greedy so doctors want more money, like any other human.

Fail. Doctors don't sell medications. Also irrelevant to the topic at hand

Secondly, Incase you did not notice I was going through an extremely similer situation a few years ago. More than once I had the butcher knife to my throat but did not go through with it. I am attempting to help him through means other than meds.

You are a former patient. That makes your opinion worthwhile, but it hardly makes you an expert. And making offhand remarks disparaging medication is not helping at all. Lame internet "I understand you man" advice is all fair and good, but he needs professional help. From, you know, doctors (despite your tinfoil-hat-worthy paranoias about them)
Heck, if you went through that a few years ago, you really should know better.

Please do not read into things that are not there, and pay attention to the entire conversation. Thank you

Get your facts straight before giving advice that might put people's lives in jeopardy.

[BigJake]

You could at least be civil.  This is an online forum for a video game; do you really believe I'm not taking this in through a filter?

Thread's done, leave it be.