This little bit of fan fiction relates to the recent Squiddles album released on MS Paint Adventures. Go listen to it! Particularly as the songs referenced in this script are songs on the album.
SQUIDDLES AND FRIENDS
SEASON 2, EPISODE 5
Script by Mark Rothberg
INTRODUCTION SEQUENCE
* Usual Introduction Sequence, images of Squiddles in their native environment. Cut with images from Season 2, when it settles on the sand castle at the end, display title.
TITLE: THE LITTLEST MERMAID
SCENE 1: PRINCESS BERRYBOO'S CASTLE, EXT.
MUSIC: Carefree Princess Berryboo
* Princess Berryboo is playing a rousing game of 'catch' with Elder Squidoo and some of her tanglebuddies.
BERRYBOO: What a great game, Elder Squidoo! But now what should we do?
ELDER: We should have a feast, Princess Berryboo!
OTHERS: Yay! Yay! A feast, a feast!
BERRYBOO: But where will we have it, Elder Squidoo?
ELDER: Why not have it here, in the castle? We can get tables and everything!
OTHERS: Yay! Tables!
LONE SQUIDDLE: Not that we need tables. I mean, what would be the point of tables in an aquatic environment? Half the food would just float.
OTHERS: Shh!
BERRYBOO: But what shall we eat, Elder Squidoo?
STATIC INTERFERENCE
VOICEOVER: THE FLESH OF THOSE DIVERS MISFORUNATE ENOUGH TO FALL TO OUR DEPTHS.
BERRYBOO: You're right, Squidoo! Everyone loves jelly!
LONE SQUIDDLE: How do we even make jelly under the sea, anyway? Boil down the hooves of sea cows?
ELDER: Seaweed, of course! Remember kids, ethical gelatin can be found in seaweed, obviating the need to slaughter defenseless animals for our party-time treats!
LONE SQUIDDLE: Wow. I'm glad that sea-bottom creatures can engage in ethical behaviour, it's not like we're obligate carnivores or anything.
BERRYBOO: But what shall we drink, Elder Squidoo?
LONE SQUIDDLE: Drink?! We're SQUIDDLES. We live UNDER THE SEA. We drink sea water, for the love of the Deep Ones! We drink--
STATIC INTERFERENCE
V.O: THE CORRUPTED ESSENCE OF LOST SOULS.
BERRYBOO: That's right! We drink manatee juice!
LONE SQUIDDLE: Oh great, mana- Wait, what?
ELDER: So named because it is fetched for us by our good friends the manatees!
LONE SQUIDDLE: Wait a minute. I'm fairly sure we're in sub-tropical waters. Aren't manatees arctic?
ELDER: I didn't say it was easy. And since you take such an interest, little one, you can fetch the juice from the manatees yourself. You'll have to meet them at the CRACKS OF DESP-
MR BOWMAN (V.O.): BLISS! Cracks of bliss.
ELDER: Cracks of bliss, so re-named by the tourist board after they felt the previous title was dissuading visitors to the area.
LONE SQUIDDLE: Oh, great.
*The LONE SQUIDDLE shivers and swims away. We pan out from the CASTLE and get a view of the ocean floor - in the distance is a deep ocean trench, glowing with unearthly light.
STATIC INTERFERENCE - An image of a young black-haired boy in a green labcoat, stood by some green cylinders, flickers in and out of being.
SCENE 2: OCEAN TRANSITION
MUSIC: Squiddle Parade
*We follow the LONE SQUIDDLE, BUBBLEBEAK as he swims through the ocean, passed by various Squiddles riding on RAINBOW NARWHALS. They cheer and laugh as he swims by.
SQUIDDLE 1: Where are you going, Bubblebeak?
BUBBLEBEAK: Where do you think I'm going? The Cracks of Desp-Bliss, where else? It's not like there's actually anything else in this direction.
SQUIDDLE 2: There's the coral farms.
BUBBLEBEAK: Why would I possibly be going to the coral farms? We don't even eat coral! Why do we even have coral farms?
SQUIDDLE 1: Because they're pretty! We Squiddles love pretty things, don't we?
*The other Squiddles cheer in agreement.
BUBBLEBEAK: Oh, go suck an anemone.
*BUBBLEBEAK swims on. SQUIDDLES 1 & 2 follow.
SQUIDDLE 1: Are you going to see the manatees, Bubblebeak?
SQUIDDLE 2: Oh, I've love to see manatees, I've heard they're wonderful beasts.
BUBBLEBEAK: By all means, be my guest. Just swim south and don't look back. The sooner the better, in fact.
SQUIDDLE 1: Can we come with you, Bubblebeak? Please, please?
SQUIDDLE 2: Yeah, pleeeeease?
BUBBLEBEAK: You realise manatees EAT Squiddles, right? This is probably a suicide mission.
SQUIDDLE 1: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-
BUBBLEBEAK: Fine, if it'll shut you up! Just be sure to bring ketchup to go with your tentacles.
SQUIDDLES: Yay, yaaay!
*The whole crowd of Narwhal-riding Squiddles joins BUBBLEBEAK as he journeys on.
SCENE 3: STUDIO
*MR BOWMAN sits on the prow of a NAUTICALLY-THEMED SET, with a crowd of children gathered around him. We can see the ongoing Squiddles episode, paused, on a screen in the background.
MR BOWMAN: Well, children, poor little Bubblebeak seems like one grumpy fellow, doesn't he?
CHILDREN: Yeeeeaah!
CHILD 1: He should be gutted and used for sashimi, Mr Bowman!
*MR BOWMAN gives the CHILD an odd look.
MR BOWMAN: Well, let's not go that far. But do we know why Bubblebeak is such a sourpuss?
CHILD 2: His mummy never loved him!
CHILD 3: He sucks lemons and his face stuck like that!
CHILD 1: He had to sit through his parents' marital counselling sessions for three years before their divorce.
MR BOWMAN: Uh, no.
*MR BOWMAN coughs.
MR BOWMAN: Bubblebeak is so angry because he never had a Tanglebuddy! And everyone needs Tanglebuddies, don't they, kids?
CHILDREN: Yeeeeaah!
MR BOWMAN: Now, everyone select your Tanglebuddy and squeeze up tight! It's time for the TANGLEBUDDY SONG!
*All the children select another child and hug him tightly. Due to an oversight on the part of the studio, there are an odd-numbered amount of children. MR BOWMAN is forced to hug CHILD 1. He seems clearly uncomfortable about this, already imagining the angry letters from the parents. He hugs CHILD 1 once, quickly, then sets him down on the floor nearby.
SONG - THE TANGLEBUDDY SONG
* The song ends and everyone settles down to watch the screen. CHILD 1 punches MR BOWMAN in the leg.
SCENE 4: THE CRACKS OF DESP- BLISS
MUSIC: Rainbow Valley
* BUBBLEBEAK and the other SQUIDDLES arrive at the CRACKS OF DESP-BLISS. A signpost says THE CRACKS OF, with DESPAIR crossed out and BLISS written above. The Crack itself is a massive ocean trench with unearthly green-yellow light coming from the bottom. Next to the Crack is a dead MANATEE, with several bottles of glowing yellow liquid strapped to its back.
(NOTE: Find better background music? Right now, this is seeming a little... off.)
SQUIDDLE 1: Oh my! Looks like Mr Manatee is sleeping!
BUBBLEBEAK: Yeah, the Long Sleep if I'm any judge. And I've seen plenty of corpses.
SQUIDDLE 2: I wonder why he got so tired?
BUBBLEBEAK: Probably has something to do with bringing an arctic creature into sub-tropical waters, I would imagine.
SQUIDDLE 1: So what do we do now?
SQUIDDLE 2: I think the answer to that is obvious, buddy!
* As one, the mass of SQUIDDLES descend upon the carcass.
STATIC INTERFERENCE
* The image changes briefly to one of a young red-headed boy in a sharp red suit, standing in front of what looks like a sea of lava.
BOY: Jade, are you getting this? Jade, if you can hear me, DO NOT USE THE CROSSHAIRS. They're-
STATIC INTERFERENCE ENDS
* The SQUIDDLES separate, leaving the bones of the MANATEE. Each SQUIDDLE is now carrying one of the bottles of glowing liquid. Most of the SQUIDDLES ride their RAINBOW NARWHALS back home in anticipation of the party at the CASTLE. BUBBLEBEAK and SQUIDDLES 1 & 2 remain behind.
BUBBLEBEAK: Well, that was refreshing. Glad we brought the ketchup, too. I wonder if- Hey, wait! What's that over there?
*The camera turns to the edge of the Crack where a tiny figure, half-girl, half-fish, lies sleeping. A golden, double-ended trident lies next to her. BUBBLEBEAK and the pair of other SQUIDDLES approach to investigate. As they near her, the MERMAID wakes up.
MERMAID: Aaaah! Sea Monsters!
*The Mermaid picks up her trident and waves it at the SQUIDDLES.
BUBBLEBEAK: You realise we're all aquatic creatures here, right? The word "Sea" is redundant.
MERMAID: Oh, right. Thanks. Aaaah! Monsters!
SQUIDDLE 1: We're not monsters, little girl! We're cuddly-
SQUIDDLE 2: -giggly-
SQUIDDLE 1: -bubbly-
SQUIDDLE 2: -squiggley-
SQUIDDLE 1: -jubbly-
SQUIDDLE 2: -wibbley-
SQUIDDLE 1: -Squiddles!
SFX: MUSIC begins in preparation for a song.
BUBBLEBEAK: Oh Deep Ones save me, another song.
A SONG is sung.
* While the song is sung, the SQUIDDLES and MERMAID dance. BUBBLEBEAK is initially reticent but is eventfully dragged into the song against his will and ends up singing along.
* During the song, there is a moment of STATIC INTERFERENCE in which the image of the MERMAID is briefly replaced by one of a young girl with grey skin and bright yellow-and-orange horns.
SONG ENDS
SQUIDDLE 2: But where do YOU come from, little girl?
MUSIC STARTS
MERMAID: Why, I'm a MERMAID! Where I come from there are unicorns; septacorns; heptacorns; nonagons-
MUSIC BREAKS
BUBBLEBEAK: NO! Just... no. One song per scene, that's IT. Especially with redundant lyrics.
SQUIDDLE 1: Aww... hey, what's that up there?
* We look up at the surface of the water. There is a long dark shape protruding in from the surface.
SQUIDDLE 2: Is that a whaaaale?
SQUIDDLE 1: Yay, yay, a whale!
*BUBBLEBEAK narrows his eyes.
BUBBLEBEAK: That's no whale...
* Suddenly, a net sweeps down from the surface, heading towards the SQUIDDLES and MERMAID.
MERMAID: Aah! Monster!
BUBBLEBEAK: That's no monster! That's Skipper Plumbthroat!
MERMAID: Aaaaah! Land Monster!
*Everyone flees - BUBBLEBEAK and the MERMAID escape but SQUIDDLES 1 and 2 are caught. BUBBLEBEAK and the MERMAID look on in horror as the net drags the other SQUIDDLES away.
SCENE 5: THE CATCHYEGRABBER, EXT.
MUSIC: Catchyegrabber, Segment
* SKIPPER PLUMBTHROAT is sitting on the prow of the GRUNDY CATCHYEGRABBER, rowing the boat with a pair of long OARS. PLUMBTHROAT sings a segment of his THEME SONG.
PLUMBTHROAT: I'll row row row me boat,
Collect the valuable prize.
Need the stuff to stay afloat,
'Tis the apple of me eyes.
This ink that I do seek,
Comes from little Squiddles.
They swim around and squeak,
And are full of Squiddle giggles.
My fishing nets will grab,
A tentacle or two,
And maybe afterwards,
I'll have some Squiddle Stew!
So row, row, row me boat,
An' throw out all o' me nets.
These squids won't know what hit 'em,
This is better than me bets.
PLUMBTHROAT: Arr. The bets. That be the last time I bet on ye sea horse races. Fixed, I tell ye. Damned races're always fixed. But she was a winner, damn ye! A winner she was bred to be!
* Plumbthroat starts sniffing.
PLUMBTHROAT: Definitely more so than me wife. Left me, the she-crab, abandoned me to go a'venturing with me own cousin! Damn ye, ye traitorous wretch! I curse forever the name of Skipper Samuel Bowman!
SCENE 5.2: THE STUDIO
* All the CHILDREN look at MR BOWMAN. MR BOWMAN coughs, looking clearly nervous.
SCENE 5.3: THE CATCHYEGRABBER, EXT.
PLUMBTHROAT: But ye'll never abandon me, right me crew?
* PLUMBTHROAT smiles at the camera, trying to hold back tears.
PLUMBTHROAT: Ye, First Mate Driver, or how about ye, Ship's Cook Op'ner? Ah, Bosun Broom, ye'll always be by my side. What about ye, Cabin Boy Watch? Ye'll always keep me time for me.
* The camera shows us a variety of household objects on the plank opposite PLUMBTHROAT; a screwdriver, a can opener, a broom and a cheap diving watch. The camera returns to PLUMBTHROAT, who narrows his eyes.
PLUMBTHROAT: Aye, ye'll ne'er leave me in the lurch. Unlike that other good-fer-nothing crew I used to have. "Ooh, I feel we could be better pursuing our careers elsewhere!" Lousy, flea-ridden sea urchins. It was a good life on this boat, I tell ye! A GOOD LIFE. But nooo, nooo, ye had to go embark on a wild an' adventurous career in BREAK-DANCING. Pfah! What sort of a career is that, anyway? They'll come crawling back, don't you worry. They'll be back.
PLUMBTHROAT: So aye...
Row, row, row me boat,
And let out all the...
PLUMBTHROAT: Ah, damn it. I'm actually having to row the damned thing. It used to just be a phrase, you know. But since those accursed Squiddles blew up me engine I've had to make do with what I have. Damn those Squiddles, there were only three payments left on the lease! Now I'm going to have to put meself even further in debt just to get back to square one. Damn ye, Squiddles!
*PLUMBTHROAT glares at the household objects.
PLUMBTHROAT: Oh, what are ye laughing at, Bosun Driver? Ye think is is funny, do ye? How would ye like if yer wife life ye for ye closest friend, or ye crew decided a life of being pansy street-performers was better than the harsh and unforgiving life of sailors? Oh, you like it do you? You like it as much as the sea? WELL YE CAN HAVE 'ER!
*PLUMBTHROAT picks up the screwdriver and hurls it into the sea.
SFX: Splash.
*PLUMBTHROAT turns back to the rest of his 'crew', rage in his eyes.
PLUMBTHROAT: Now let that be a lesson to the rest of ye! NOBODY crosses Skipper Plumbthroat! Nobody, not even me... me closest... Oh God, Bosun Driver! What have I done? What sort of a man have I become, to murder me closest friend! Forgive me, Driver! Forgive me for doubting you! If only I could take back-
* There is a sharp tug on the boat's DRAG NETS. PLUMBTHROAT interrupts his own extensive soliloquy to investigate.
PLUMBTHROAT: A-har! Squiddles! Just what I be needing. Especially what with all that gambling owed to the mafia. Ahh, it'll be a long time before it's safe to walk on dry land once more.
* PLUMBTHROAT reels in the net, revealing a pair of SQUIDDLES trapped in its cords. He takes both squiddles, one in each hand, into the interior of the boat.
SCENE 5.4: THE CATCHYEGRABBER, INT.
PLUMBTHROAT: Yar-har! So, ye scurvy Squiddles have come to wreck me boat once more, have ye?
SQUIDDLE 1: No, no! Please, Skipper Plumbthroat! We need to get back! Please let us go!
* Both SQUIDDLES immediately turn on their SCARED AND PITIFUL expressions, enough to turn a fish to tears. But PLUMBTHROAT is unmoved.
PLUMBTHROAT: Arr, ye know those eyes won't work on me; my heart be as cold and dead as me wife's dignity. What be so important that ye need to get home?
SQUIDDLE 2: Please! We have to be there for the party! There's a great big party for all of us at Princess Berryboo's castle, and there's a mermaid, too!
PLUMBTHROAT: So ye'll all be gathered in one place, eh? Eazsy pickings! And a mermaid? Why, one of those would be worth a fortune, maybe enough to pay off all me debts! Yer willingness to sell our yer own kind appeals to me twisted sense o' vengeance.
SQUIDDLE 1: So you'll let us go?
PLUMBTHROAT: No.
* Plumbthroat plucks both SQUIDDLES out of the net and hurls them into a MACHINE. The machine makes OMINOUS WHIRRING NOISES. A pipe on the machine squirts black ink into a bottle labelled INK OF SQUID PRO QUO. A hatch opens, delivering some PACKAGED CALAMARI.
SCENE 5.4: THE EDITING ROOM
* An EDITOR and MARK ROTHBERG are both gathered in the editing room, studying the footage that has just been shown. ROTHBERG is smoking a cigarette.
EDITOR: Wow. Mark, that seems a bit... I don't know, PG for this show.
ROTHBERG: Yeah, tell me about it. But the ratings crowd says kiddie market share isn't enough. We need to appeal to older children. Hence, edgier.
EDITOR: Yeah, I'll certainly give it that.
SCENE 5.5: THE CATCHYEGRABBER, EXT.
* SKIPPER PLUMBTHROAT stands on the prow of the ship, the sky growing swiftly stormy behind him.
PLUMBTHROAT: Ya-ha-ha-ha-haarrrr! This time, Squiddles! This time I'll get ye all for good! Ya-ha-ha-ha-haaaa! YAAA-HAAA-HAA-HAA-HAAAARRR!!
FADE OUT
STATIC INTERFERENCE
*A young blonde girl in a purple dress flickers in and out of being.
GIRL: Rose, this is... well, you. Don't try to think about that. This is about Jaspers. In a few days he's going to... go away. Don't worry, he'll be fine. He's-
STATIC ENDS
COMMERCIAL BREAK
SCENE 6: THE OCEAN BED
MUSIC: Ocean Stars
* BUBBLEBEAK and the MERMAID arrive, swimming desperately. They slow down once it becomes apparent that the threat has passed. The MERMAID sinks down onto a rock and starts sobbing. BUBBLEBEAK looks pretty distraught as well.
BUBBLEBEAK: I just lost my friends to an evil fisherman. What's your problem?
MERMAID: I'll never get back home! I'll never find my family again!
BUBBLEBEAK: Oh. I guess I didn't consider that. Where are they?
MERMAID: Thousands of kilometres away! We live in the arctic, you see. I rode the manatee to get here. But I can't swim all the way back myself.
BUBBLEBEAK: You look a little... ill-suited to the arctic climate.
MERMAID: We wear thick-skinned clothing. Usually harvested from manatees.
BUBBLEBEAK: Didn't you just say that you-
MERMAID: Yes. It thought I was one of its cubs. That's how we ride them. I just wanted to see the warmer ocean currents, how was I supposed to know the manatee would die here and leave me stranded?
BUBBLEBEAK: The fact that none of your sacrificial manatees ever came back didn't clue you in?
* The MERMAID bursts into tears.
BUBBLEBEAK: Oh, Deep Ones. Look, this is no time to-
* The MERMAID cries harder.
BUBBLEBEAK: Okay, no. Just no.
* The MERMAID proceeds to bawl her eyes out.
BUBBLEBEAK: Oh, come on! Please don't cry! Stop crying, okay? STOP CRYING.
* The MERMAID stops, but then breaks into tears again even harder then before.
BUBBLEBEAK: Look, I'm sorry, I just. Arrgh. Um. We're friends, right?
* The MERMAID looks up, sniffing.
MERMAID: Friends?
BUBBLEBEAK: Yes, friends! Uh, because- because- because friendship is...
MERMAID: Friendship is...?
BUBBLEBEAK: Deep Ones, I can't believe I'm doing this.
* BUBBLEBEAK sighs.
BUBBLEBEAK: Because friendship is... paramount.
Because friends deserve to know,
That friends should stick together,
No matter where they go.
Be- Cause-
MUSIC: Friendship is Paramount
A SONG is sung.
* BUBBLEBEAK bursts into the song FRIENDSHIP IS PARAMOUNT, joined by the MERMAID who both take brief solos during the JAZZ INTERVAL, followed by a DUET at the REPRISE.
SONG ENDS
MERMAID: I'm so glad we're friends now, Bubblebeak!
BUBBLEBEAK: Yeah, sure.
MERMAID: We'll be friends forever and ever and ever!
BUBBLEBEAK: Don't get ahead of yourself, missy. Now, what do you need to get home?
MERMAID: Oh, it's impossible. Not only would I need my Manatee Coat, which I lost in that trench, I'd need a manatee to ride back!
BUBBLEBEAK: Hmm. You're right, that is impossible. I guess your entire scenario is hopeless and your future is entirely without promise.
* The MERMAID looks completely distraught.
BUBBLEBEAK: Wait a minute! Of course!
MERMAID: Are you going to depress me again?
BUBBLEBEAK: Not at all. I know how to get you both of those things! Quick, we need to get back to Princess Berryboo's Castle in time for the party!
MERMAID: I fail to see how a party will help me get home.
BUBBLEBEAK: Don't worry, you will!
* BUBBLEBEAK swims away excitedly, followed by a rather uncertain MERMAID.
STATIC INTERFERENCE - BILLY THE BELL SUIT DIVER walks on screen, then flickers out of existence. A grey-skinned boy with jagged yellow horns, 70s style glasses and a purple cape appears in his place. He glares angrily at some unseen figure.
CAPE BOY: Wwhat is wwith you, Karkat?! Just tell me wwhere to find her and I wwill-
STATIC ENDS
SCENE 7: SQUIDDLE TOWN
NO MUSIC
* BUBBLEBEAK and the MERMAID arrive in the SQUIDDLE TOWN. It is completely abandoned.
MERMAID: Where is everyone?
BUBBLEBEAK: All gone to the party, I guess.
MERMAID: But if they're all at the party, why can't I hear any music?
* The pair swim on in OMINOUS SILENCE.
SCENE 8: PRINCESS BERRYBOO'S CASTLE, EXT.
NO MUSIC
* A great table has been laid out in front of the castle, complete with a banquet of jelly and bottles of manatee juice. Not a single squiddle can be seen. BUBBLEBEAK and the MERMAID arrive on scene.
MERMAID: But where are all the party goers?
BUBBLEBEAK: Shh! Do you hear that?
SFX: ENGINE SOUNDS
MERMAID: Wait, that couldn't be...
BUBBLEBEAK: Yes! Just in time, too! Look up.
* We are treated to a view of the surface where we can see the bottom of the GRUNDY CATCHYEGRABBER, complete with new motor, and a net full of SQUIDDLES.
BERRYBOO: Help! Heeeelp!
MERMAID: You knew this would happen?
BUBBLEBEAK: I was counting on it. Those two clowns I was travelling with were utter cowards and never did know when to shut their fool mouths. Probably serving as an accompaniment to chips and seafood sauce already. But we needed Skipper Plumbthroat to capture them all so we could have them on board to help.
MERMAID: That seems... unnecessarily callous. I'm sure if you'd have asked they would have just helped. You know, being your friends.
BUBBLEBEAK: Except that I hate every last one of them. I've told them, they keep insisting that I'll come over to the whole 'happy-go-lucky friendship' thing eventually. Anyway, that doesn't matter. All we need now is a way to get them out of that net.
SCENE FREEZE
SCENE 8.33: ANDREW HUSSIE'S LIVING ROOM
* A young man wearing a GREEN SLIME GHOST T-SHIRT with WHITE EYES, YELLOW SKIN and NO MOUTH is sitting cross-legged in front of an old fashioned set top box television.
T.V. SET: How will Bubblebeak free the Squiddles? Will the Mermaid ever see the frosty shores of home again? What fate awaits the crew of the Grundy Catchyegrabber? Find out... NOW!
SCENE 8.67: PRINCESS BERRYBOO'S CASTLE, EXT.
SCENE UNFREEZE
MERMAID: What about a Sea Unicorn's Horn? That can cut through anything!
BUBBLEBEAK: Deep Ones damn it, no! We are NOT using a Sea Unicorn Horn to save us! I swear, every single deep-damned time we get into trouble here in Squiddle Town we have to get the deep-damned UNICORNS to dredge us out of it. Deep Ones know what'll happen if the Unicorns ever needs rescuing. What about your trident?
MERMAID: Sorry, it's optimised for stabbing, not cutting. We'll need something with a sharp, flat edge. Even a small one would do.
BUBBLEBEAK: I suppose a cuttlefish shell might-
MERMAID: Hold up a minute! There, do you see it?
* The MERMAID points. We follow her finger to a spot of the sea bed where a SCREWDRIVER is stuck in the sand.
BUBBLEBEAK: Is... is that a screwdriver? Nevermind, it's got an edge, it'll do. Grab it and follow me!
MERMAID: Why do I have to grab it?
BUBBLEBEAK: Two words, fish-girl. Opposable. Thumbs.
* The MERMAID wrenches the SCREWDRIVER out of the sea bed and follows BUBBLEBEAK, racing toward the now rising FISHING NET.
SCENE 9: THE CATCHYEGRABBER, EXT.
MUSIC: Plumbthroat Gives Chase
* SKIPPER PLUMBTHROAT stands aboard the GRUNDY CATCHYEGRABBER, resplendent with her new engine. A winch is hoisting the still-submerged NET full of SQUIDDLES.
PLUMBTHROAT: Yarr, this new engine is working fine. Completely worth the cost, even if I did have to expend the last of my credit and then with the loan sharks. Still, this haul will make up for all of it and more!
* The winch continues hoisting the NET. PLUMBTHROAT turns to admire his new engine, putting his back to the NET. He therefore fails to see the MERMAID clinging to the side of the net, or BUBBLEBEAK floating in the air next to her. The MERMAID is desperately trying to cut the bonds of the NET with a SCREWDRIVER.
PLUMBTHROAT: I wonder what I will spend my money on. Not fishing, that's for certain! Maybe I can another shot at Law School - but no, no. I can't be a lawyer. So many people staring at you in the court room. Watching you. Judging you. Much better here at sea. No! No, no more life on the sea! I'll go on land instead.
* The MERMAID cuts through a couple of the bonds. PRINCESS BERRYBOO struggles to get free but isn't out yet.
PLUMBTHROAT: Maybe I'll just wisely invest in stocks and shares. Arr, that's a fine idea! Can get rich that way. Buy myself a mansion, hah! And a yacht! NO! No more yachts, no more boats!
* The MERMAID cuts another bond and PRINCESS BERRYBOO struggles free.
BERRYBOO: Come on, Squiddles! GET HIM!
* PLUMBTHROAT turns in shock to see the net burst under the pressure of all the SQUIDDLES. He is chased around the boat by a massive swarm of SQUIDDLES, ducking in and out of his cabin and screaming wildly. Eventually he shuts them inside the cabin and glares at the MERMAID.
PLUMBTHROAT: You! Mermaid! I should've known one of ye twisted sirens be behind this! But how did ye get them free? Wait... is that-
* The horror of realisation dawns upon PLUMBTHROAT's face.
PLUMBTHROAT: I knew it! I knew ye would betray me, First Mate Driver! Just like First Mate Bowman before ye! CURSE YE, DRIVER! CUUURSE YEEEE!!
* PLUMBTHROAT sinks to his knees and breaks down, bawling like an infant.
PLUMBTHROAT: First me wife, then me cousin, then me crew and now even me own EQUIPMENT be against me! No more, I say! No more! Damn ye all to heck and may ye take the Squiddles with thee. I'm going back to selling rutabagas, I can't be having any more of this at my age. Pfah, at my age. I'm twenty eight, for crying out loud! I had such promises, but look at me! Reduced to scouring the sea for specialist ink for the cartography trade, to peddling frozen and pre-packed calimari to Greek restaurants on the East Coast. What sort of a life is that for a post-graduate law student with a background in extreme grocery? None, I say! None at all!
* The SQUIDDLES burst free from the cabin and surround PLUMBTHROAT. They strip his OILSKIN COAT from him and carry him over the side of the boat, tossing him into the sea. All the SQUIDDLES cheer as PLUMBTHROAT is forced to struggle for his life.
BERRYBOO: Thank you for saving us, Mermaid! We are in your debt. Name your prize.
MERMAID: Well as much er, fun as it's been visiting you all, I really want to go home. But for that I need a Manatee Coat to keep me warm and a manatee to ride.
BUBBLEBEAK: Fortunately, we have both such things!
ELDER: We do?
BUBBLEBEAK: Of course! Skipper Plumbthroat's coat will serve as well as any manatee, and his boat an even better replacement! And all it cost was the life and career of a depressed post-graduate in today's economy. With the Princess' say, both items should be yours.
BERRYBOO: Indeed they should, brave Mermaid. So be it! We bid you farewell, and may your boat and coat take your safely home.
* All the SQUIDDLES line up on the edge of the boat to wave their tentacles goodbye and leap back into the water. BUBBLEBEAK is the last to go.
MERMAID: Goodbye, Bubblebeak. I'll miss you.
(BEAT)
BUBBLEBEAK: Goodbye... my friend.
* BUBBLEBEAK dives into the sea and the MERMAID sets about sending the GRUNDY CATCHYEGRABBER south, to the antarctic.
MUSIC: Friendship is Paramount, Reprise
SCENE 10: THE SEA
* SKIPPER PLUMBTHROAT is treading water.
PLUMBTHROAT: Well, here I am again.
* A pair of FINS surface and begin encircling PLUMBTHROAT. PLUMBTHROAT eyes them nervously until both the sharks surface, sticking their heads (fronts?) above water. They are wearing shirt collars and ties.
LOAN SHARK: Ahh, Mister Plumbthroat. I had a feeling we might find you here.
PLUMBTHROAT: Ah, uh, yes. Is this by any chance about-
LOAN SHARK: Of course, Mister Plumbthroat. What else?
* A shadow appears over the LOAN SHARK.
LOAN SHARK: Mister Plumbthroat, let us discuss the matter of what we agreed was a 'reasonable rate of return'. In particular, the question of installments-
* A harpoon bolt slams through the LOAN SHARK's head, killing him instantly. The second shark has just enough time to be surprised before a second spear impales him. Both sharks sink beneath the surface. SKIPPER PLUMBTHROAT looks up in surprise.
FIRST MATE: Ahoy, Skipper!
* SKIPPER PLUMBTHROAT'S former CREW have arrived, standing on the prow of a ship ALMOST EXACTLY the same as the one PLUMBTHROAT has just lost. It bears the name GRISTY CATCHYENABBER.
PLUMBTHROAT: So, ye've come crawling back! I see breakdancing didn't work out for ye after all!
BOSUN: Nah, Skipper, we did great. The Cabin Boy's been in seventeen magazines this month, and he's got his own cologne coming out. We made enough to buy sixteen boats just like this.
PLUMBTHROAT: But... but why?
SHIP'S COOK: Because you're always losing them to Squiddles, Skipper. We thought you might like a spare. We came back because you're our FRIEND, Plumbthroat. Not because we failed, because we care.
PLUMBTHROAT: Oh, well um... thanks guys. I mean, I really appreciate- Hold on, did you just say you made a lot of money?
FIRST MATE: Plenty. We made plenty of OUR money.
PLUMBTHROAT: Er, right.
BOSUN: To spend as WE like.
PLUMBTHROAT: It's just that I was wondering-
CABIN BOY: I bought a yacht!
PLUMBTHROAT: Okay, right, but if there was any chance of a-
SHIP'S COOK: A loan? With YOUR credit rating?
* The CREW all burst into laughter. PLUMBTHROAT fumes, but they all help him onto the boat and sail away into the sunset.
CLOSING MUSIC: The Sound of Pure Squid Giggles
CREDITS ROLL
* At the end of the Credits, the screen goes black.
STATIC INTERFERENCE
* Strange, squid-like shapes appear in the darkness. OGLOGOTH opens one terrifying eye.
STATIC ENDS
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Topic: MSPA (Squiddles and Friends! Season 2, Episode 5) (Read 3762 times)