Necro'ing just so I can finish posting the whole story.
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Roy was driving a car. You see, after the unfortunate incedent involving Freddy Kruger's mom, a madman, and another one involving a paper shredder (which had no effect on the story and so I neglected putting it in), Freddy Kruger decided to finish the ceremony and force Roy the Specter into a skeleton, making him Roy the lich.
Regardless, Roy was a dead man on a mission, and was dead serious about it too.
Roy had been Put to work by Freddy Kruger, and this time was sent to gather alchemic supplies for his master. But along the way, Roy decided to stop by an inoccent looking Subway.
Roy sauntered into the Subway. He didn't know what sauntering was, but he wanted to do it anyway. he stopped ant the counter, laid a skeletal hand on the counter, and leaned in to give his order to the greasy Teenager on the other side of the counter.
"I would like a chicken---" was all Roy got out before the Terrified Teen sprayed his skull with Mace.
"CALL THE COPS! He wants to eat my brains!" shouted the Teen. "AHHHH! HELP ME!" Shouted Roy, his magical nerves burning. He was writhing on the floor when the terrified Teen came up behind him with a hot frying pan.
KATHUNK!
Roy awoke in a odd car with his hands bound, and red and blue lights flashing outside. Roy wondered if he was dead again. Perhaps now Ugly Man would pay. Roy would like that. None of this would have happened if he had just got his sandwich.
"He's awake. Rickard, tend to him." said a fat man in the front seat.
"You have the right to scream for a lawyer, anything you say or do can and will be held against you in a court of law, unless you get away. you have the right to call me a Stinky Butthole. you have the right to eat sandwiches until the trial." Rickard turned back around.
"Whadd I do?" mumbled Roy
"Do you have the proper paperwork to access that Subway, Sir?" said the fat man.
"Wha'?"
The fat cop just nodded.
"You are now a Terrorist and an enemy of the United States" said Rickard.
"You require papers to access and consume any type of sandwich, Sir" Rickard continued
"Wha'?"
"Don't tell us that you didn't know about the law, Sir. It was started back in 2012!"
Roy pounded his head into the seat of the car.
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Roy awoke to find himself in a dimly lit cell, a large man and a care bear sitting in the corner. he rose slowly from the floor, a weak feeling in his knees. Just at that time, A lone sandwich was shoved through an Opening in the cell door. Roy and the large man collided in the air, much to the care bears ire, as he stared them down for almost ten seconds.
Roy and the big man silently struggled for the sandwich, but less violently. Ultimately the struggle ended with bread crumbs everywhere, and roy spattered with peanut butter.
"Cease." said a loud speaker mounted on the wall.
"no." said roy
"please?"
"no."
"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"
"sure" Roy agreed, happy he had ruined someones self-esteem.
"Bubba to room 202,"the loud speaker said, with no provocation at all.
the cell door clanged open to reveal some very frightening men in black suits. they grabbed the Care Bear roughly and dragged him off.
Roy sat down on a thin bench. he tried to remember where he was. He failed. He did succeed at looking at the large man more closely. he had pale, flabby skin, which hung off him in great folds. he had a tightly cropped moustache, and a sour look upon his face.
"Roy to room 202" came the call from the loudspeaker.
Roy was dragged, just as the Care Bear was, into the hallway. he looked aroud at the many posters, featuring the face of Arnold Schwarzenegger. the caption beneath read "Big Brother is crotching you!" in large gold letters. now Roy remembered where he was. He was captured by cops, and thrown into George Orwells new book, "1639026", a book even more depressing than "1984".
Roy was shoved roughly into a room. It was a very long room, and had swinging axes halfway down it. on the other side was a door, guarded by....
Ugly Man.
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Ugly Man. The name was all that was going through Roy's head as soon as he saw him. It was no contest. He was so ugly that the blades seemed insignificant. So ugly that he burned your eyes. So ugly he" never mind.
He grinned, showing teeth that were crooked and yellow. He spoke in a voice that at once was to loud and to quiet to hear.
"Roy! My dear friend! How are you today, Hmmm? I hope my pets have treated you well."
Roy flinched and said nothing.
"What's the matter Roy? Not glad to see me? I would have hoped that our history together would put you in a better position to see me. Ah, well. You can't always have what you want, can you Roy?"
"If we did, You would still be dead." Roy managed to squeak.
"But I am. And so are you. That's how I got the law passed." He said it without the smile ever leaving his face.
"You"" Roy forgot what he was going to say, his mind preoccupied on a large boil shabbily covered up by makeup sitting on Ugly Mans forehead like a unicorn horn.
"Yes, me." Ugly Man rubbed the boil, the crooked smile dropped for a moment. "Hardly one worth all this trouble, I know, but I'm working for a power larger than myself now." He didn't seem to pleased by the prospect.
"The lumberjack Mafia?"
"No, Microsoft."
"I see."
There followed an awkward silence, punctuated by a soft tapping of Ugly Mans foot. Finally Roy decided to break the silence.
"The weather's been nice."
"Yeah."
There followed another awkward silence.
"So, how fares the evil villainy?"
"It's good, it's good."
"You going to, uh, try to kill me now?"
"Oh, right." Ugly man let out a cackle, and pulled a rather striking microcline lever. With a crash, the two gates on either side of the room shut, and the walls rumbled slowly towards each other. Roy stared at Ugly Man, who was oblivious to what had just happened.
"Well?"
"Oh, I'm in here to make sure you don't get away."
"Brilliant."
"What?"
"Your in the room with the closing walls, your archenemy, and certain doom approaches, and you don't see a problem with that?"
"Nope."
Roy stared at him incredulously. The man had gone bonkers. Roy, shaking his head at the sheer oddness of his fate, sat down on the floor.
"Got any Pizza?"
A dwarf in a tutu flew down form the ceiling (He had apparently been there the whole time) and gave a pizza to Roy before fluttering back up to the ceiling.
Roy sighed at the oddness of his fate.
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Topic: The Roy Saga (Read 1087 times)