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[Raneman]

Why can't we torment our enemies by stealing their babies and items, invading them for no reason, and generally ruin everything?

[Hippoman]

If dwarves stoop to the level of smelly goblins and kobolds, we'd be as bad as the elves.

So instead we hide in our mountains and flood the world with magma, so as to never have actual blame for what we could blame on a simple "eruption".

[Raneman]

Could we dump carp in their rivers and poison food and drinks we sell them?

[Hippoman]

That's acceptable.
But how do we catch a carp?

[Raneman]

Recipe: 1 goblin corpse, 1 iron chain, 1 large stick or dowel like object, 1 hook and a few buckets.

Step 1: Put the hook on the chain.
Step 2: Put the goblin on the hook.
Step 3: Put the stick on the chain.
Step 4: Throw goblin into river. Wait 20 seconds.
Step 5: Pull out and dump carp into buckets of water.

[Safe-Keeper]

The ability to send traders, armies, caravans, scout parties and whatnot on sorties away from your fortress has been suggested a thousand times already and is definitely one of the things Toady wants to do. It's something we're all looking forward to, as a matter of fact.

But yes, it'll be awesome when it's finally possible. I currently have stockpiles overflowing with crafts, clothes and lots of other trade items, and it's going to take years to trade away it all to caravans. Would be far, far better to be able to build wagons, acquire beasts of burden, and send a large wagon train off to a nearby town with armed escort to trade everything for stuff I really need and isn't included in sufficient amounts from the caravans they send me.

The ability to send help, or cry for help (maybe even by use of signal fires!) would be awesome, too.

[Raneman]

Yup, but first we gotta have to ability to steal babies.