My town sucks
There are rednecks in trucks
Shooting ducks
From the backs of their pickup trucks
On maaaaaaaain streeeeet.
There’s tobacco spittle running down the walls
Of the city hall
Like a waterfall
Can’t stand it at all.
My town sucks
(Refrain: A few seconds of whistling)
My town sucks
There are racist cops
In the donut shops
Complaining ‘bout the WoPs
On maaaaaaaain streeeeet.
At the traffic stops
Guys with mops
Rub the cars with slop
Though you tell them to “STOP!”
Now they want a couple bucks
My town sucks
(Refrain: A few seconds of whistling)
Some unholy cow
Is preaching brimstone now
To a small, indifferent crowd
And she screams at a wino
By the Chicken Shack
In a voice that’s far too loud:
“You’ll be burning in hell
in the afterlife! Do you even really care?”
And with Milwaukee’s Best
Running down his chest
He says, “I thought I was already there!”
There’s an anthrax scare
In the city square
Where they’re burning Voltaire
With J.K. Rowling
By the burnt out bowling
Alley near the church.
There are stray dogs prowling
In the day. They go howling
When the roaming bears take their share
Of the trash from the county fair,
That’s been there
Since 1992.
I needn’t tell you.
My town sucks
Yes my town sucks
(Refrain: A few seconds of whistling, extended. End on a high note.)
((All material copyright Awayfarer, 2009. PM for the address to which you'll be sending the platinum record. Groupies should be 5'9 or under and non-smokers. Brunettes preferred. Send self-addressed tramp to same residence as you would platinum record. Trademark of Awayco "Awayco: We make things, sometimes."))